This'll stop 'em knocking...

[Beemer]

How to keep the Jehovah's Witnesses away from your front door.

[Wolf]

If you're taking orders, I'm in.

[NotaGoth]

hahahahaha I want one lol

[MSTRS:Me]

Saw the title and thought....ohhh, knockers. Sadly, it was a spelling mistake

[Beemer]

My late father was never fond of religious callers. He'd open the door, say "religious?" and when they nodded, he'd say "fuck off". My mother said to him one day "did you just say what I think you said?" and he replied "yes, and maybe this time they'll get the bloody message and stop calling!"

Living in the country we are pretty lucky - we've only had callers of this persuasion out here once. Felt a bit (but not THAT much) sorry for her after she climbed our steep, 60 metre long driveway, only to be told "thanks, but no thanks!"

[scumdog]

My last door-"knocker" was a soft plastic boob over the door-bell button

You had to push the nipple to ring the bell.

That sure as hell kept a shit-load of unwanteds away!

[Wolf]

My last door-"knocker" was a soft plastic boob over the door-bell button

You had to push the nipple to ring the bell.

That sure as hell kept a shit-load of unwanteds away!

And if you had KBers turn up you could tell who it is by the way the bell rings incessantly until such time as you apply an armlock and escort the bugger down the hall away from the door...

[scumdog]

And if you had KBers turn up you could tell who it is by the way the bell rings incessantly until such time as you apply an armlock and escort the bugger down the hall away from the door...

True, true, the damn thing almost got worn out with my idiot drunken yahoo mates trying to push it with their tongue all the time.

[yungatart]

An alternative method of getting "them' to not linger on your doorstep
Knock knock- I've come to bring you the word of the Lord

He's already been and had a cup of tea- then f***** off- I suggest you do the same..

[Sniper]

"Jesus may love you, but I sure as hell don't" seems to work too.

[thealmightytaco]

Definate market for that I tell ya

[MisterD]

A mate of mine at University, known as "Nick the Goth" (black and purple crimped hair, leather kecks, boots covered in buckles etc etc) used to keep a skull with a big red dribbly candle stuck in the top next to the door, for just this sort of eventuality.

[Cibby]

my uncle lives out of the way a bit but he is super religious, not joho, but he knows the bible inside out, he invites them in for bbq's and then proceeds to argue with them until they leave defeated.

quite amusing!

[sugilite:Me]

I live out way rural, so only get the odd johoe out here, 5 of them arrived in a car one day, they just finished passing 880 KG+ size crystals (the devils tools to them) down the driveway and there is a 2.5 meter Amethyst Geode by the front door, I could see them in there basicly saying, you go, no you go, nooo you go! The one who got the short straw bravely knocked on the door, and said "you have a lot of crystals don't you?" I replied with a deliciously open ended "yes, thats what we do" she threw a mag at me then scuttled back to the car lol

On the whole I tolerate them, I just say..thanks but no thanks, if they persist, I disassemble their belief system and send them on their way.
As Arafat once said, religious wars are over who has the most powerful invisible friend!

[Wolf]

When mum lived out in a smallish rural area the johos used to come and knock on the door, mum would invite them in for a cuppa nad debate religion with them. They battled hard but mum kept coming up with counter arguments so they told the church she was too tough a nut to crack.

Well, the church couldn't have that and got hold of Gunther, one of their top theologians who had the attitude that the provincial johos were hicks and couldn't convert a joho to the faith, let alone an outsider. He came all the way up from Wellington to take on this little old lady that the hicks reckonned was so difficult...

And after a few hours of debate left with his tail between his legs and the beginning of a nagging suspicion that those "hicks" might have known what they were talking about.

Those were the good old days when they'd come inside and chat and try to convert you rather than just stand on the doorstep and sell you a magazine. I haven't locked horns with any johos for a while because the current mob have no fire or fervour, they're just magazine salesmen. Definitely "lukewarm", wouldn't be an intellectual challenge anyway.

Lost a lot of respect for them when they started sending their kids out door knocking - ended up giving a couple of 11-14 year-olds (dressed up in suits on a hot summer's day), who came to inform me that AIDS was God's righteous punishment for sodomites and drug users, an in-depth treatise on the spread of AIDS and what causes it. Poor buggers seemed surprised that hetrosexuals and non-druggies can also get it...