Strange Analogies

**Sniper** · 24th February 2006, 13:54

The sun rose over the horizon like a great big radioactive baby's head with a bad sunburn, but then again it might just have been that Lisa was always cranky this early in the morning. (Debra Allen, Wichita Falls)
Jane was toast, and not the light buttery kind, nay, she was the kind that's been charred and blackened in the bottom of the toaster and has to be thrown a away because no matter how much of the burnt part you scrape off with a knife, there's always more blackened toast beneath, the kind that not even starving birds in winter will eat, that kind of toast. (Beth Knutson, Coon Rapids)
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. (unknown)
As Fiona slowly drew the heavy velvet curtain aside, her eyes smoldered black, deep, and dark as inside the lungs of a coal miner, although it would be black in anyone's lungs if you could get in there because there wouldn't be any light, even in the pink ones of people who don't smoke. (Lou A. Waller, Norman)
Having O.J. try on the bloody glove was a stroke of genius unseen since the debut of Goober on "Mayberry R.F.D". (John Kammer, Herndon)
Losing is like fertilizer: it stinks for a while, then you get used to it. (Tony, Hibbing)
A branch fell from the tree like a trunk falling off an elephant. (unknown)
He was as bald as one of the Three Stooges, either Curly or Larry, you know, the one who goes "woo woo woo". (unknown)
From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
Her pants fit her like a glove, well, maybe more like a mitten, actually. (unknown)
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (unknown)
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth (Paul Kocak, Syracuse)
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)
Just like (or as) a bicycle rider lifts his butt from the seat when he sees a bump coming, so Bob pulled back, emotionally, when Alice got angry. (Jim Caughran, Willowdale)
She danced with the grace and elegance of a pregnant cow. (Patricia Kilday)
The painting was very Escher-like, as if Escher had painted an exact copy of an Escher painting. (unknown)
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease. (Gary F. Hevel, Silver Spring)
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
After sending in my entries for the Style Invitational, I feel relieved and apprehensive, like a little boy who has just wet his bed. (Wayne Goode, Madison)
Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield)
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
The moon looked like a discarded toenail clipping submersed in a puddle of saliva on a black formica countertop. (Lindsay Robertson, Brooklyn, NY)
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)
We are all like those little pink and blue plastic people in the game of Life. (Meghann Olson, Bakersfield)
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. (unknown)
The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play. (Barbara Fetherolf, Alexandria)
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
He felt like he was being hunted down like a dog, in a place that hunts dogs, I suppose. (unknown)
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon. (Jennifer Frank and Jimmy Pontzer, Washington and Sterling)
She was sending me more mixed signals than a dyslexic third-base coach. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)
She felt used and unwanted, like the two chocolate halves of an Oreo cookie after someone has already licked the cream out of them. (Kristi Herd, Denver)
My underwear stuck to my backside like an All-Pro cornerback to a rookie wide receiver as I browsed through the seed catalog that had mistakenly found its way into my mailbox. (Ron Calabrese, Reisterstown)
Chicken: it's like a cow, but different. (Ben Olson, Bakersfield)
The lamp just sat there, like an inanimate object. (unknown)
His fountain pen was so expensive it looked as if someone had grabbed the pope, turned him upside down and started writing with the tip of his big pointy hat. (Jeffrey Carl, Richmond)

**DemonWolf** · 24th February 2006, 14:27

hahaa.. some funny ones in there.. .like if it was funny, you would grimace because thats what you did when you cracked a smile. !

Ok I suck at these.!

**Wolf** · 24th February 2006, 14:36

Originally Posted by Sniper

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (unknown)

Quite funny, I would hope intentionally so.

Originally Posted by Sniper

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

Sounds like he's read way too much Douglas Adams - On Vogon Constructor Fleets Ships: ...that hung in the air exactly the same way that bricks don't. He's done other "anti-metaphors" and "anti-similies" as well throughout his Hitch-Hiker's Guide and Dirk Gently books.

Originally Posted by Sniper

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man." (Russell Beland, Springfield)

That is actually quite good. We've probably all watched enough movies to get a clear impression of exactly how unimportant the guy was, and that is the aim of creative writing. Fairly succinct, too.

**Wolf** · 24th February 2006, 14:40

What is it about Sniper's posts that attracts the resident canines to post? BigBadWolf are you lurking waiting to post?

Perhaps Sniper's posts attract the KB canines like fire hydrants and trees attract the attention of other, more domestic, canines who also can't resist leaving something behind.