Your most embarrassing moments

**Sniper** · 16th March 2006, 14:41

PM sent matey.

**Oakie** · 16th March 2006, 15:44

Originally Posted by Sniper

I have a mate who called a male teacher "Mum"

Reminds me of a male workmate of mine who absent-mindedly responded "yes honey" to our male boss

**Postie** · 16th March 2006, 15:50

I used to work in a call centre and got pretty good at talking and typing at the same time, it was about 5.30ish and i was typing an email as the phone rang, i answerd the phone in my normal mannor, welcome to *** your speaking with Ashley, as i was talking and typing i manged to mix the word speaking for the word i was typing at the time, which was sleeping.
So i answerd the phone, welcome to *** your sleeping with Ashley..... the woman on the other end of the phone couldn't stop laughing for fucking ages.
The best part was, all the phone conversations were recorded and could be brough up any time for managements entertainment

**WINJA** · 16th March 2006, 16:14

Originally Posted by Postie

I used to work in a call centre and got pretty good at talking and typing at the same time, it was about 5.30ish and i was typing an email as the phone rang, i answerd the phone in my normal mannor, welcome to *** your speaking with Ashley, as i was talking and typing i manged to mix the word speaking for the word i was typing at the time, which was sleeping.
So i answerd the phone, welcome to *** your sleeping with Ashley..... the woman on the other end of the phone couldn't stop laughing for fucking ages.
The best part was, all the phone conversations were recorded and could be brough up any time for managements entertainment

ASHLEY? ARE YOU A GIRL?

**Cookie** · 16th March 2006, 16:29

Originally Posted by Finn

...We were at a restaurant and I meant to say "Honey, would you please pass the salt" but instead said "Bitch, you fucked up my life"

That's hardcore! Are you still married?

**Finn** · 16th March 2006, 16:36

Originally Posted by ApplicatioNZ

That's hardcore! Are you still married?

Yes we're married... just not to each other.

**Grumpy** · 16th March 2006, 17:33

Every morning on my way to work I stop at the BP and buy a paper and a coffee. I start at 6am so in non daylight saving time it is still dark when I get there.
We had just bought a new car, a nice shiney blue Altezza. It's got one of those keys that you push the button to lock or unlock and it makes the appropriate beeps.
I got to the BP one morning and wandered in to get my coffee and paper and then wandered back out to my car. Now I'm not a morning person so at 5.30 in the morning I'm having trouble focusing... if you know what I mean. Everything is on auto pilot.
I wander up to my car, push the button, hear the beep but the damn thing wont let me in. After several attempts I'm gettting pretty shitty thinking that my new car is fucked already when I get a tap on my sholder. I turn to see this monster of a bloke. Big ugly fugger.
"what you doing with my fucking car ?" he asked me.
Just then I noticed another blue Altezza parked next to the one I was trying to get into. That one was mine.
Thank fuck he saw the funny side of it.
Once I got over the shear terror of this guy towering over me the situation did seem pretty comical.

**jonbuoy** · 16th March 2006, 19:14

Originally Posted by Finn

I've got quite a library but this one was good.

On my way to Europe about 10 years ago, I spent an over nighter in Bangkok. I was really careful what I ate but the night before I brushed my teeth using tap water. I was thirsty so I drank some water out of the tap. I finished and thought that wasn't very clever. The next morning felt a bit yucky, got to the airport and boarded the plain. I had my meal then took a sleeping pill. Not long into a DEEP sleep I awoke feeling like I was going to explode. I needed to fart real bad so I checked the lady next to me was asleep. She was - cool. Slowly relaxed the old valve and... emptied my bowls in my pants. It wouldn't fucking stop either. Fuck the stench! I got around the lady next to me and walked to the shitter with warm poo running down my legs. Got into the toilet and contemplated staying there until the plain had landed... a good 7 hours to go. Decided I had to wash my pants. I did and got the attention of a stewardess, explained what had happened and that I needed my pants dried. All she came up with was a blanket which I wrapped around me and returned to my seat that someone had put a cover on. The lady that was beside me had gone. About half an hour later my bowl had a spasm so I ran to the toilet, half loosing the blanket on the way there. In my previous visit to the shitter my undies were past the point of no return so I had thrown them away. I eventually got my damp pants back and made sure I was the last person to leave the plane. While I was waiting in passport control and everybody was looking at me like I was a known paedophile, I had to make another mad rush to the toilet in the opposite direction. I was almost running, heard some yelling, looked behind me and security were running after me. I didn't stop and ran into the airport shitter. I was letting rip while two security guards were laughing their heads off.

Thats the funniest story I've heard in a while - fantastic!! I did a similar thing after a typhoid Jab - my built in solids/gas detector failed and I followed through. Had to stash my soiled undies inside the cistern bowl.

**madboy** · 16th March 2006, 19:25

One night when I was about 17 I did what all 17yos did at one point or another and went out and got absolutely munted at a private function. Mate drops me off at the front gate of my parents place, asks if I'll be okay. Apparently (I have no memory) I said yeah fine, catch ya later sorta thing. Dad heard the back door open then shut followed by brief stumbling sounds. 10 minutes later he hadn't heard the hall door open and shut. He wanders out to the kitchen... there is his six foot tall 17yo son dressed up in his finest curled up asleep next to the two labradors.

**sunhuntin** · 16th March 2006, 19:40

mine are tame compared to most....

got off the old gn in a semi crowded parking lot...forgot to hold her towards me and down she went. since then ive learned to put down the kickstand and then dismount. got her upright pretty damn fast.

2nd would be getting off scuffy while still in 1st gear. naturally as soon as the i let the clutch go, she lurched and tipped to the left. i was under her, so stopped her from dropping totally. took about 10 mins to get her upright enough to force the stand down. full tank of gas, she was bloody heavy.

**Finn** · 16th March 2006, 20:41

Originally Posted by jonbuoy

Thats the funniest story I've heard in a while - fantastic!! I did a similar thing after a typhoid Jab - my built in solids/gas detector failed and I followed through. Had to stash my soiled undies inside the cistern bowl.

Looking back, I laugh now but when it was happening I couldn't beleive it. My only saving grace was that the lights were off in the plane as "most" people were asleep. The thing I didn't mention was how hard it was cleaning my pants in those stupid sinks with those stupid taps. It took forever. And as if this wasn't bad enough, as I stood there starkers from the waste down I realised that I still had poo on my legs which at this stage had started to set. Great.

I felt sorry for the cleaning crew.

**Shadows** · 16th March 2006, 20:41

Best one I can remember, and I'm sure there's plenty I can't, had to be in Ship Cove, at the top end of Queen Charlotte Sound. Had been staying on a yacht for a few weeks, it was our first night in this particular spot. Woke up before everyone else and decided to take the tender ashore for a big dump because the dunny on board stinks everything out and people were sleeping. Wandered up into the bush a bit from where I landed and found a nice tree to hold on to and have a private squat. Long story a bit shorter, made a pile to be proud of, and last night's curried fish mixed with a bottle of sambuca took a fair bit of wiping. Stood up and looked around as I was doing up my trou to see 3 tourists standing at the top of the little gulch I was in, waiting for me to finish, I think so they could walk past. Needless to say I was slightly embarrassed and took off back to the tender, rowed as fast as I could back to the yacht, and ducked inside. All good, I'll never see them again, or so I thought. A few hours later we thought we'd take the yacht over to the wharf and have a look around for some of the possums we'd blown out of the trees the night before. Big tourist boat there. We get out onto the wharf and a group of thirty or so tourists come walking out of the bush and start towards the wharf. Sure enough, there's the three tourists I'd seen before, pointing and exclaiming "that's him!" to anybody who'd listen. I got some pretty funny looks from people. Fuck it, I didn't actually know any of them anyway.

**nudemetalz** · 16th March 2006, 20:59

Well my one was a beauty,....

When I was 15, back in ChCh in 1985, I had a wee Honda XL100S. Thought I was the best rider in the world then !!

Anyway, I was meeting my girlfriend after school at Maximart (remember them?) carpark. I saw her waiting with 4 of her friends by the entrance way, so I thought I'm going to approach in style !!!
I screamed up to them, locked the back wheel and did a slide Ivan Mauger would have been proud of. However, the back wheel suddenly gripped and highsided me right in front of them !!!!
My girlfriend came running over and saw if I was okay (a few bruises but crushed ego) and one of them picked up my bike which was still idling on top of me !!!!.

I got up said "see ya" to retrieve my ego and thought, "right, I gotta salvage this". So I dropped the clutch with a heap of revs, did a good mono in 1st gear, front wheel came down and the still extended sidestand dug into the carpark launching me off the bike yet again, no more than 3 minutes before the 1st one !!!!!!!!.
So pick myself up again (my girlfriend had decided I was a major embarrassment and didn't come over this time) jumped back on the bike (those old trailies were robust) and rode home very quietly, ego now thoroughly nuked..............

**Gremlin** · 16th March 2006, 21:15

OK, I can't match nudemetalz... in fact... I seem horribly normal compared to you lot.

Lets see, worst would be back in 3rd form, and I was cycling to school one morning. I knew the route very well, and it was very cold, with my nose, ears eyes all stinging like crazy. Figured it would be best to tuck my head down. Very nice compared to the cold. Figured I had better look up and check again.

Half a nanosecond later I find myself on the back of a parked car

Probably hit it at 40+ kph, split lip, unridable bike, not a scratch to the car... and some not-funny people still thought it funny in 7th form

Also stalled my zx7r one morning going to work. Being a carbie, it doesn't like being cold. Only been on the road a couple of minutes, and there is a steepish hill up to a roundabout (aff-man & zapf, you would know it). Didn't give it enough revs, traffic behind. Big powerful sportsbike stalls

In embarrassment, I get it into neutral, start it, give it a good rev (ya know, pretend its not my fault) and try to take off, except I slip backwards (still in neutral). Crunch it into first, and try to get away from all the witnesses as fast as I can.

And I still don't go up that hill now, not when the bike is cold...