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Thread: 'Twas not my fault,the voluptous hussy seduced me

  1. #1
    Join Date
    26th February 2005 - 15:10
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    Ubrfarter V Klunkn,ffwabbit,Petal,phoebe
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    'Twas not my fault,the voluptous hussy seduced me

    All *I* intended was brief trip to see me old Mum. Filial duty and all.

    How was I to know that Petal would get the hots for a CBX750 passing on the motorway and go chasing after it. Brazen slut that she clearly is.

    I was just a helpless pawn , a bystander along for the ride , unwittingly caught up in this farango of mechanical lust.

    That's my story anyway and I'm sticking to it. Otherwise my Nana reputation could be severely compromised.

    Either that or I plead temporary insanity. Lane splitting at 90mph is not something that I would do when sane !

    What is it about two strokes that unleashes the hoon inherent in every motorcyclist? Take the most sober, grey haired, responsible, law abiding , cautious rider to be found. Put him on a two stroke and at the first ringa-ding-ding he'll be carving up the motorway, hoon fully unleashed. Perhaps the two stroke smoke has some narcotic quality? Anyway I'm certain of it, it's the ringa-ding-ding factor. Did anyone *ever* see a two smoker being ridden slowly?

    I must say, too, that there is still something very satisfying about cracking the ton on a naked bike. Especially one with a mph speedo. Faired bikes are really rather boring, and 160kph just doesn't have the same cachet.

    The old girl can still tramp too, when she picks up her skirts.

    Is there anything in motorcycling more soul satisfying than nailing a big two smoker through a series of curves, 6000 rpm in second , with the engine making that wonderful banshee scream, and looking back and seeing the smoke still drifting up from the earlier corners. Pity about the handling, but then the kettles came from the factory with the shocks pre-shagged. And if they weren't wouldn't make much difference, the footpegs scrape anyway. Anyway it just makes it more exciting feeling the frame flex and twitch all the way through the corner.

    I finally wrestled control back , by a Herculean effort, at Warkworth, when the CBX continued northward. And retired to the Bridge House pub, while Petal sat outside moaning and trembling, and flashing her jugs at the passing pushbikes. Insatiable trollop.

    Very nice lounge it is , that place, too. Fearsome prices ,but. Still , a beer can be spun out for a long time, and it is a most pleasant place, with very tasty mini pizzas. Not another biker in sight though.

    And back through Woodcocks Road. They've done it no favours sealing it though I suppose the sprotsbikers will like it now.

    Very glad I was indeed to see Kaucop come into sight, having done my usual stupid trick of neglecting to fill up at Warworth. Splutter splutter 10 minutes down Woodcocks Rd, should I go back for petrol, nah, bound to get to a servo before I run out. And on and on we went, on reserve, surely must be one somewhere , hell wonder how big the reserve is, and on and on, oh shit, this is too big to push, wonder if any of those farm houses would sell me some, and on and on , why was I so stupid I should have turned back, maybe I still should, nah I must be half way by now, and on and on, oh lordy, slow down , delicate grip on throttle, bloody two strokes and their insane fuel consumption, and on and on, oh thank God, the sign to Kaucop and SH16, surely I could hitch from here if I have to , and on and on and THANK CHRIST IT'S A SERVO, AND IT'S OPEN.

    After that definately deserved a beer at the Kaucop hotel. Half a dozen bikes parked up, none friendly. Girl behind the bar had damn nice tits though.

    And on to Helensville, for another beer at the Grand Hotel. Friendly place, definately deserves patronage, how many pubs have Britten and BSA posters on the wall of the main bar?

    And a slow and law abiding trip home.

    Must say I was impressed by the number of helpful cagers who pulled over to let me past, especially so since the insane yellow paint fiend has been at work north as well as south.
    Quote Originally Posted by skidmark
    This world has lost it's drive, everybody just wants to fit in the be the norm as it were.
    Quote Originally Posted by Phil Vincent
    The manufacturers go to a lot of trouble to find out what the average rider prefers, because the maker who guesses closest to the average preference gets the largest sales. But the average rider is mainly interested in silly (as opposed to useful) “goodies” to try to kid the public that he is riding a racer

  2. #2
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    28th February 2006 - 17:48
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    dirty ns2fiddyr
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    Good writeup! Bridgehouse is kinda nice, better at high tide (warkworth has a tidal river for the unenlightened) Must hit that helensville pub one of these days, maybe over easter actually...
    Boyd hh er Suzuki are my heroes!
    The best deals, all the time!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    8th August 2004 - 17:16
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    1999 GSXR1100W, 1975 CT90
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    2 stroke smoke is to speed as an aphrodisiac is to sex

  4. #4
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    25th October 2002 - 12:00
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    Old Blue, Little blue
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    So, I assume Petal, is a 750 Waterbuffalo!
    “- He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”

  5. #5
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    21st August 2004 - 12:00
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    2017 Suzuki Dl1000
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    Oh Yes. Bring back the big 2 smokers.
    Time to ride

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Ixion
    What is it about two strokes that unleashes the hoon inherent in every motorcyclist? Take the most sober, grey haired, responsible, law abiding , cautious rider to be found. Put him on a two stroke and at the first ringa-ding-ding he'll be carving up the motorway, hoon fully unleashed. Perhaps the two stroke smoke has some narcotic quality? Anyway I'm certain of it, it's the ringa-ding-ding factor. Did anyone *ever* see a two smoker being ridden slowly?
    .
    I don't know,I really don't know....but it's a scary thing to behold,to feel the years rolling off you faster than the gas out of the tank....to be wondering,what,just what the hell do you think you are trying to prove,riding a 2 stroke dirt bike on the street at my age....it's an electric current that passes up the seat,through my incontinance undies and spears my brain with a jolt of pure unadulterated stupidity.There's always been a 2 stroke in my life,some things a man just can't live without....

    Woodcocks Rd finaly all sealed....bugger.My XLV750 was a big powerful bike to let loose on gravel,it's very seldom I could unleash all it's abilities - but going up the hill and through the gorge in the damp on Woodcocks was one of the few times I was ever able to give it all it had.

    I had a drum brake GT750 at one stage when I lived on Waiheke Island - there are no straight roads,the ''Onetangi Straight'' was as good as it got,and it had a bend in it.I used to amuse myself by trying to see the magic Ton on the speedo....but I always had to juuuuust feather the throttle in the kink.We weren't the best of friends,but there was respect,oh yes....respect was due to the Water Bucket....

  7. #7
    Join Date
    21st February 2006 - 14:53
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    GT650 Comet
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    tairua
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    Quote Originally Posted by Motu
    when I lived on Waiheke Island - there are no straight roads,the ''Onetangi Straight'' was as good as it got,and it had a bend in it.I used to amuse myself by trying to see the magic Ton on the speedo....but I always had to juuuuust feather the throttle in the kink.We weren't the best of friends,but there was respect,oh yes....respect was due to the Water Bucket....
    O the memorys I grew up on waiheke and yes trying to hit the ton on onetangi straight is one of my fond memorys.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    25th October 2002 - 12:00
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    Quote Originally Posted by Limb
    O the memorys I grew up on waiheke and yes trying to hit the ton on onetangi straight is one of my fond memorys.
    We had fun trying to hit the ton in View Rd in Mt Eden on the first of the H1 triples. Even more fun trying to stop before the Dominion Rd lights.................
    Those mighty 2LS drum brakes would do it, but, sometimes...
    “- He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”

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