Assicons

**Sniper** · 10th April 2006, 15:47

Originally Posted by kickingzebra

command:\whatis "BDOTGNZA"?

Brave Defenders of the Great New Zealand Arse

**kickingzebra** · 10th April 2006, 15:52

ten Q velly maaacth

**Maha** · 10th April 2006, 15:57

Originally Posted by kickingzebra

ten Q velly maaacth

Sounds like the mechanic from ' TAXI '......... Lutka Gravis.....

**WRT** · 10th April 2006, 15:58

Err, your not supposed to take it seriously, hence the "Jokes and Humour" title of the forum. Some times it is easy to change one or two words when you cut and paste, and I normally will in those situations. However, "ass" appears a lot in the above post (I cant be bothered counting how many times) and I'm not prepared to take everything I post up on here and run it through a find/replace for ass, mom, color, etc, etc etc. You can all damned well lump it - but dont feel forced to read anything I post.

Hitcher - as you seem to be the main Bold Defender, I am now eagerly awaiting your New Zealandised version of Hamlet. I'm fed up with the way that pommy git Shakespear writes - what self respecting Kiwi would ever talk in that manner?

**Hitcher** · 10th April 2006, 16:03

Originally Posted by WRT

Hitcher - as you seem to be the main Bold Defender, I am now eagerly awaiting your New Zealandised version of Hamlet. I'm fed up with the way that pommy git Shakespear writes - what self respecting Kiwi would ever talk in that manner?

Hamlet, eh? Good point. I shall mull on that one...

**WRT** · 10th April 2006, 16:07

Dont get me wrong, I wouldnt for a second compare the writer of the assicons email with Shakespear, any more than you would compare the word "Mom" with dropping nukes on Iran.

**Motu** · 10th April 2006, 16:25

It's a bit sad when I see our young folk taking on americanisims so wholeheartedly,but I was very disapointed when I heard that dancing program advertised on TV not in ''our tongue'' ....not that I'd ever watch a bunch of poofters prancing around the dance floor - my wife is not allowd to watch it in our house,she goes to our daughters place to see it.

I have seen a few polls on forums about zed and zee - and it appears only in the US do they say zee....and so it really annoys me when I hear people saying zee....grrrrr.

**WRT** · 10th April 2006, 16:34

But but but, "News Talk Zee B" sounds so cool!!

LOL - only joking there . . . I agree that Kiwis in talking and typing should try to adhere to all our local variants of spelling and pronouciation. I just dont see the point in rewording something that comes from an overseas source.

Edit: Assuming of course that we are talking about some form or variant of English.

**Maha** · 10th April 2006, 16:36

Could be changed too ' NUKES TALK ZEE B '...............

**kickingzebra** · 10th April 2006, 16:53

doubleU EX WHY and ZEE it rhymes man, thats what I was taught in kindy, ZED is wrong!! not you Zed!!

**Hitcher** · 10th April 2006, 16:56

Hamlet
By Bill Shakespeare

One-sentence summary
Shit happens if you act on impulse. (Quentin Tarantino fans should relate well to this)

[I was going to change the characters' names to something more Kiwi but only got confused]

Plot
Hamlet is really depressed about his Dad’s death and his Mum’s decision to marry the new King, Claudius, after only two months. All a bit dodgy really, according to Hamlet.

Hamlet’s best mate Horatio, tells him he saw a ghost on the castle’s ramparts. That evening, the ghost (who turns out to be Hamlet’s dead Dad) tells Hamlet that Claudius killed him. Hamlet is really pissed off with Claudius and plots revenge.

Hamlet is dating Ophelia. Her Dad, Polonius, tells King Claudius and Queen Gertrude that he reckons Hamlet’s madness is due to his love for Ophelia.

Hamlet puts on a play in which the actors perform a scene similar to the actual murder of King Hamlet. Claudius gets really annoyed when he sees this.

Claudius prays and Hamlet hears him confess to the murder and try to do a forgiveness deal with God. Hamlet then thinks that if he kills Claudius, Claudius will go to heaven. This pisses him off even more.

Hamlet decides to have a yarn with his Mum and let her know what he suspects and has heard. Polonius spies on them and hears all this. Hamlet hears Polonius and kills him.

Claudius packs Hamlet off to England because of the murder until things die down a bit.

Laertes (Polonius’ son) comes home after hearing about his Dad’s death. Claudius tells him Hamlet did it.

Hamlet comes home, and Claudius tells Laertes to duel with Hamlet. Claudius plans to have Laertes kill Hamlet with a poisoned-tipped sword. As an insurance policy to make sure Hamlet dies, Claudius plans to offer him a poisoned glass of wine.

Gertrude tells Claudius and Laertes that Ophelia drowned in a creek.

The duel starts and Hamlet scores two hits. Gertrude grabs the poisoned wine and drinks a toast wishing Hamlet luck. Laertes manages to wound Hamlet, but in the scuffle they swap swords and Hamlet injures Laertes. As she’s dying, Gertrude says Claudius poisoned her. Laertes tells Hamlet he will die as well, and that Claudius planned everything. Hamlet stabs Claudius and kills him.