Results 1 to 14 of 14

Thread: Divorce letter>>>the best!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    7th January 2005 - 09:47
    Bike
    .
    Location
    .
    Posts
    2,098

    Divorce letter>>>the best!



    Dear Connie,

    I know the counselor said we shouldn't contact each other during our "cooling off" period, but I couldn't wait anymore. The day you left, I swore I'd never talk to you again. But that was just the wounded little boy in me talking. Still, I never wanted to be the first one to make contact. In my fantasies, it was always you who would come crawling back to me. I guess my pride needed that. But now I see that my pride has cost me a lot of things. I'm tired of pretending I don't miss you. I don't care about looking bad anymore. I don't care who makes the first move as long as one of us does.

    Maybe it's time we let our hearts speak as loudly as our hurt. And this is what my heart says "There's no one like you, Connie." I look for you in the eyes and breasts of every woman I see, but they're not you. They're not even close. Two weeks ago, I met this girl at Flamingos and brought her home with me. I don't say this to hurt you, but just to illustrate the depth of my desperation.

    She was young, maybe 19, with one of those perfect bodies that only youth and maybe a childhood spent ice skating can give you. I mean, just a perfect body. Tits like you wouldn't believe and an ass that just wouldn't quit. Every man's dream, right? But as I sat on the couch being blown by this stunner, I thought, look at the stuff we've made important in our lives. It's all so superficial.

    What does a perfect body mean? Does it make her better in bed? Well, in this case, yes, but you see what I'm getting at. Does it make her a better person? Does she have a better heart than my moderately attractive Connie? I doubt it. And I'm never really thought of that before.

    I don't know, maybe I'm just growing up a little. Later, after I'm tossed her about a half a pint of throat yogurt, I found myself thinking, "Why do I feel so drained and empty?" It wasn't just her flawless technique or her slutty, shameless hunger, but something else. Some nagging feeling of loss. Why did it feel so incomplete? And then it hit me. It didn't feel the same because you weren't there to watch. Do you know what I mean? Nothing feels the same without you. Jesus, Connie, I'm just going crazy without you. And everything I do just reminds me of you.

    Do you remember Carol, that single mom we met at the Holiday Inn lounge last year? Well, she dropped by last week with a pan of lasagna. She said she figured I wasn't eating right without a woman around. I didn't know what she meant till later, but that's not the real story.

    Anyway, we had a few glasses of wine and the next thing you know, we're banging away in our old bedroom. And this tart's a total monster in the sack. She's giving me everything, you know, like a real woman does when she'snot hung up about her weight or her career and whether the kids can hear us. And all of a sudden, she spots that tilting mirror on your grandmother's old vanity. So she puts it on the floor and we straddle it, right, so we can watch ourselves. And it's totally hot, but it makes me sad, too. Cause I can't help thinking, "Why didn't Connie ever put the mirror on the floor? We've had this old vanity for what, 14 years, and we never used it as a sex toy."

    Saturday, your sister drops by with my copy of the restraining order. I mean, Vicky's just a kid and all, but she's got a pretty good head on her shoulders and she's been a real friend to me during this painful time. She's given me lots of good advice about you and about women in general. She's pulling for us to get back together, Connie, she really is. So we're doing Jell-O shots in a hot bubble bath and talking about happier times. Here's this teenage girl with the same DNA as you and all I can do is think of how much she looked like you when you were 18. And that just about makes me cry.

    And then it turns out Vicky's really into the whole anal thing, that gets me to thinking about how many times I pressured you about trying it and how that probably fuelled some of the bitterness between us. But do you see how even then, when I'm thrusting inside your baby sister's cinnamon ring, all I can do is think of you. It's true, Connie. In your heart you must know it. Don't you think we could start over? Just wipe out all the grievances away and start fresh? I think we can.

    If you feel the same please, please, please let me know.

    Otherwise, can you let me know where the fucking remote is.

    Love, Dan

  2. #2
    Join Date
    13th March 2006 - 20:49
    Bike
    TF125
    Location
    Hurunui, FTW!
    Posts
    4,430
    That's priceless!! LMFAO

  3. #3
    Join Date
    29th March 2006 - 21:15
    Bike
    Triumph
    Location
    Easy Street
    Posts
    715

    Blah

    remote....straddle the mirror again and you mite find it......................
    <span style=font-family: Century Gothic><font size=4><font color=DarkOrchid>Live and let live</font></font></span>

  4. #4
    Join Date
    9th February 2006 - 21:31
    Bike
    2001 XJR1300
    Location
    Mango Hill, Queensland
    Posts
    250
    nice work...
    Dont sweat the small stuff, It only makes you stressed,

  5. #5
    Join Date
    2nd April 2005 - 11:58
    Bike
    .
    Location
    .
    Posts
    5,095
    Sometimes the grass really is greener! Go Dan!
    They shall not grow old as we that are left grow old.
    Age shall not weary them nor the years condemn.
    At the going down of the sun and in the evening,
    we will remember them

  6. #6
    Join Date
    24th January 2006 - 14:10
    Bike
    750
    Location
    Auckland
    Posts
    248
    muahahaha.... f@#king awesome...

  7. #7
    Join Date
    14th January 2005 - 07:24
    Bike
    _
    Location
    North Shore
    Posts
    1,596
    an old classic
    "Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity"

  8. #8
    Join Date
    18th December 2004 - 08:09
    Bike
    Triumph Tiger
    Location
    Texas
    Posts
    2,086
    I havent seen it before but DAMN thats good, ROFLMAO.

    "If you can't laugh at yourself, you're just not paying attention!"
    "There is no limit to dumb."

    "Resolve to live with all your might while you do live, and as you shall wish you had done ten thousand years hence."

  9. #9
    Join Date
    8th August 2004 - 23:11
    Bike
    1987 Nifty 50
    Location
    Ashhurst
    Posts
    1,492
    hahahahahahahahaha bloody brilliant
    "Not one day that we are here on this earth has been promised to us, so make the most of every day as if it was your last, and every breath ,as if it were the same"

  10. #10
    Join Date
    3rd March 2004 - 22:43
    Bike
    Guzzi
    Location
    In Paradise
    Posts
    2,490
    Not how to get the wife back, but then it never was.

    Skyryder
    Free Scott Watson.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    17th June 2005 - 13:51
    Bike
    Whatever is in the garage - FXDC, Bking
    Location
    Kerikeri - Dunedin
    Posts
    3,410
    Blog Entries
    7
    My goodness, SPB spending too much time on the net reading emails at work eh?

    www.Ridertraining.co.nz
    NZTA Approved CBTA Instructor Assessor
    - Restricted + Full Licence Training & Testing
    - Onroad Coaching & Training
    Auckland
    Call or Txt 0210334766
    info@ridertraining.co.nz

  12. #12
    Join Date
    17th November 2002 - 11:00
    Bike
    XB12R, FXR150, Ducati 400ss, 1125CR
    Location
    dam.. i move too much
    Posts
    5,047
    Quote Originally Posted by Colapop
    Sometimes the grass really is greener! !

    this is sooooo true


    what a ride so far!!!!

  13. #13
    Join Date
    17th November 2002 - 11:00
    Bike
    XB12R, FXR150, Ducati 400ss, 1125CR
    Location
    dam.. i move too much
    Posts
    5,047
    Quote Originally Posted by Skyryder
    Not how to get the wife back, but then it never was.

    Skyryder
    and who would want to in the first place????


    what a ride so far!!!!

  14. #14
    Join Date
    9th February 2006 - 11:40
    Bike
    Ducati 900ss The Guido Torpedo
    Location
    Rimutex Coldville
    Posts
    2,028
    That was a freakin good laugh! Thanks
    Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire. -Samuel Johnson


Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •