Self-inflicted death

[Deviant Esq]

I'm glad this thread got brought back up for me to read. Have spent the past 4 hours reading through it from start to finish (it's 3.10pm here in the UK, so no, I didn't say up all night!), and I have to say I'm very glad I've read it. In the past I've been scraping around looking for the bottom of the barrel depression wise. I know what it's like when the black dog is walking you (nice analogy BD), and it's not a pleasant feeling. I wasn't suicidal though, and I can see now I wasn't near the bottom of the barrel by a wide margin, though it sure felt like it at the time.

I'm not going to add too much more to this... just to say that I tackled my own depression without people helping me, and defeated it - I had noone to turn to by that stage. I still have my moments, we all do. But if anyone feels they'd like to talk about it, I'll lend you an ear, in total confidence. I've had some interesting experiences with depression and insights fighing my own, and I'll be happy to share those with you.

[chanceyy]

No one person here can be the person who caused another's suicide.
No one person here can feel responsible for the actions of someone who makes a choice of the own free will.
But as a community we owe it to ourselves to get rid of our incessant need to make others feel bad about themselves so that we can get ahead.

well said there ... you can only do as much as you can do ... nuffin more nuffin less

bling coming

[_Gina_]

But as a community we owe it to ourselves to get rid of our incessant need to make others feel bad about themselves so that we can get ahead.

Cant agree more.

[Grub]

hXc had a mate who committed suicide last year,at the age of 15.

Unfortunately the large majority of these type of suicides are when young men discover that their sexuality may be different than what is expected of them. And young men 14-19 are a very large suicide statistic.

They can't tell anyone. Friends are everything at that age and suddenly they discover that they may be different to the very people they value in their lives - so it stays hidden and it stays unresolved. I would think this young mans friends will not think kindly of me for even suggesting such an abboration - so how is it ever going to be fixed?

Even in this wonderful thread I have found mention of every other cause but this one. We just don't go there. Even the Ministry of Youth Affairs who are sponsor of a youth suicide study currently under way do not list this as a possible cause. So it keeps happening.

[Big Dog]

The big black dog has been in charge for a few hours now.
I feel a cloud of exhaustion but have an unwillingness to sleep.
I want to cry but have no tears.
I want to shout but have nothing to say.
I want to argue but have no point.

I feel fragmented, disoriented, internally in chaos, incongruous. Conflicted.
I feel hurt but have not been.
I feel a desire to make others suffer but have no ill will to others.
I feel alone amid other people.
I feel crowded on my own.

I have nothing to complain about.
I have food in my stomach.
I have a roof over my head.
I have clothes on my back.
I have more toys than I can play with at once.

I don't know why I am so unhappy.

The dog will tire in a few hours, or maybe a few days. Then I will be the master of the dog again, for now.

I don't want your pity. I write this for my catharsis and because I need a couple of things.
I need to share what I am feeling when I am feeling it because tomorrow the dog may be tired, when the dog is tired he is forgiven.
I need you to understand that the people you talk to everyday may not be as in control as they seem.
I need you to understand when you say negative things to people, when you shut them out of your lives you do damage with your words that cannot be undone with words.

Every day you see people treat others as less than themselves.
Every day you see people smile back with hurt in their eyes.

Have you been treated as less than you feel?
Have you smiled back when you felt the hurt?

Every day we dismiss others as fools, or their ideas foolish.
Were they fools, their ideas foolish?
Were they visionaries that looked outside the box for a solution we did not have?

Have you ever had the answer but no one will listen?
Do you ever refuse an answer because you feel you are better than the person offering it?

We were all the smallest, slowest, weakest and least educated once.

I like the analogy of the big black dog because when the power is lost to the dog it is sudden, a jerk. When power is regained it is because the dog has lost interest or burned through all the available fuel.
You can't out run the dog. Reigning him in (hardening up) makes squat down dig in and pull harder.

I don't want your pity, I want you to understand anybody you know could feel depressed.
You cannot identify them until it is too late.

You can all do one simple thing.

Do to others as you would like them to do to you.

[RiderInBlack]

Totally Awesome Big Dog. Hope ya "black Dog" tires soon, Dude

[Edbear]

You can all do one simple thing.

Do to others as you would like them to do to you.

Matthew 7:12. Notable is that this is not a passive exhortation, in that we simply refrain from hurting others, but a positive command to take the initiative in looking for ways we can help make someone else's life a bit better, happier. To think about what we would want someone to do for us and then go out and do exactly that for someone else.

These days, people are becoming more self-centred, closing inwards due to the sheer pressure of time and stress, "looking out for number one" without the energy, inclination and time to be gregarious, generous and caring for more than close family, (and sometimes even them), or self.

Yet the benefits both to the recipient and the giver are immeasurable and the feelings of satisfaction and even self-worth, gained by an expression of compassion, of giving of oneself in time, energy or materially, are tangible and lift us all. We make time for such activities as the Westpac Trust ride, Toy Run, etc., yet we must never underestimate the importance and value of simply sending someone a message - phone call, txt, PM, email or whatever to just say you're thinking of them or to invite them around for a meal, whatever.

If one is suffering from a bout of depression and you can, try to do this yourself, it is very theraputic and affirms your value as a human being when the other person tells you they appreciate your thoughts. Not always possible, but worth considering.

Good post, BD.

[_Gina_]

Unfortunately the large majority of these type of suicides are when young men discover that their sexuality may be different than what is expected of them. And young men 14-19 are a very large suicide statistic.
They can't tell anyone. Friends are everything at that age and suddenly they discover that they may be different to the very people they value in their lives - so it stays hidden and it stays unresolved.

Was also waiting for this too, and suprised no one had mentioned it thus far.

Expected norms eh?
Who the fuck is normal? I certainly do not wish to identify with myself as normal, but I also do not wish to be pre judged by shallow insecure people.

Sorry to sound so agressive with such a sensitive subject, but it breaks my heart when I think about the unnecessary inner turmoil and loss of 'not-normal' male human beings as a result of being sexually aroused by something as sexually arousing as a stiff cock.
IMHO

[ManDownUnder]

But as a community we owe it to ourselves to get rid of our incessant need to make others feel bad about themselves so that we can get ahead.

Agreed... and somehow get rid of this baseless stigma that mental illness makes you less of a person/less valuable... whatever (I'm not sure I put that very well...)

It's bullshit at its finest, and annoys the living crap out of me. There is so much to live for. Everyone has their place and entitlement to enjoy live - they way they want to, and the way they are capable of.

I'm not going to end up a rocket scientist or brain surgeon - I don't have the drive or the IQ. One of the most ... "empowering" things I have ever done was to sit with a bunch of people (literally of that calibre) and just be "one of the guys". Truly inspiring.

To be accepted is one of the fundamental human needs. To be rejected (or "less acceptable") because of something beyond your control is wrong.

On a "value" basis... everyone (and I mean everyone) has something to give too. I'm not above learning from anyone. my 7 year old son is always coming home with interesting facts, and keen to show off new things he's done or learned. Do I shut him down becuae I've seen 95% of it before?

Hell no.


aaaarrrggggh rambling now... backing off...

[vifferman]

aaaarrrggggh rambling now... backing off...

Yeah. Stop rambling!