Smorgen - Agreed. Kittie - In that case, scratch my mention of ages, however, the sentiment remains the same. He should have been mature enough to realise what he did was wrong.
Playin' around
Smorgen - Agreed. Kittie - In that case, scratch my mention of ages, however, the sentiment remains the same. He should have been mature enough to realise what he did was wrong.
tank slappa
Very good advice there... I was given the same advice from a cop when my ex's temper got out of control. Holes in the walls and smashed windows I put up with cos he kept saying he would get help... but the day he smacked me in the side of the head (totally non-provoked!!!) and then proceeded to threaten to kill my dogs was the last day he spent in my home.Originally Posted by spudchucka
The cop I spoke to said that the sad thing is that a restraining order can sometimes make things worse and more-or-less suggested I talk to some of my male friends...
...it is better to live 1 day as a Tiger than 1000 years as a sheep...
no more pies
There are no winners in Domestic voilence, I saw it as a child, and swore I would never go there and I haven't.
One important point, is if people continuously deal with issues in their own way (in disregard/indifference of the law) Then the polices hands aer further tied, and they become more road revenue machines, and less about policing in the traditional sense.
In the cases I have seen, a visit from the police regarding said violence can be all it takes to wake the guys ideas up.
Whether you stay with him or not, is besides the point, but the act did happen, and a complaint should be filed. people need to know it is serious.
As to staying with him. You alone know his character, and whether he is really going to continue to add to your life, or detract from it. It isn't normal to have to worry about everything you say, in case it sets someone of the deep end.
In a moment of weakness, maybe someone could snap, and do something out of character, but if what has happened is in character with his personality, you need to deal with that appropriately.
A change in him is only going to come by action on his part, he has to initiate any help he needs. If you or the courts initiate it for him, it is as good as worthless.
Also think through how he would be as a father to any children etc. Do you want to be worrying over whether he will snap on them?
I wish you well in walking through this.
Boyd hh er Suzuki are my heroes!
The best deals, all the time!
Off the wagon
Doesn't matter how old he is, he has no respect for you! But you are still so young and possibly in love with the idiot so you will forgive him and get back with him and it will happen again & again....
Doesn't matter what anyone posts on here, I'd say you've made your mind up and will continue to let him into your life and suffer the consequences. After all this is a great way to get sympathy from a bunch of bikers youve never met. Harsh as it may seem I have no sympathy for women who let men abuse them. The only way is to forget him and get on with your life. If he stalks you, get a protection order & a tresspass order and call the cops EVERYTIME he breachs it. Dont be afraid to use the law for it's intended purpose.
Good luck! You will need it!
Moped rider
Go to the police and get some action started, that sends a very clear message to him that he has gone over the line. It will also be an official record of the incident incase there are any court issues later on. You can always drop the prosecution. Do you have any witness to the assault or any proof , such as pictures of the injury or doctors visit to back it up? otherwise it could be too late, it would then become a he said she said
If you were half as smart as you think you are you'd be twice as smart as you are now
Hardcore Biker
Thankyou to someone who went ahead and posted things without thinking or actually listening and getting facts straight.
I'm not going back to the guy. YES there is a history and story behind the situation which I'm not going into as it is an extremely difficult situation to explain. I'm giving him time to calm down, then I'll call so we can discuss what happened.
Restraining order was threatened against me after he punched me and I threatened to go to the police station and report the incident. "You do that and I'll do this."
The guys never hit me before. We've argued before but watching him go from a mellow guy discussing things, to extremely agitated and angry, straight back to mellow, and even crying after he'd hit me is something that I haven't seen before. To go from a sweet caring guy, and even continuing to be so after we split, to how he was last night, a sudden change in character out of the blue. When explaining how he was to my old lady shes stuck on one thought and one thought only.
Off the wagon
Yes go to the police and prosecute but dont ffs drop the charges! Im sure police get pissed off with women who lay a complaint then change their minds and get back together with the scumbags. Then the same thing happens a month later....and the cycle of abuse continues! Then women wonder why the police dont want to go to the same address for the same thing time after time. It makes a mockery of the protection order system! If you're going to press charges have the guts to follow through to the end! Sure its hard to stand up in court infront of stuck up lawyers and a judge but its easier than walking on eggshells in your relationship and worrying about getting the bash! Dont give him a second chance!Go to the police and get some action started, that sends a very clear message to him that he has gone over the line. It will also be an official record of the incident incase there are any court issues later on. You can always drop the prosecution. Do you have any witness to the assault or any proof , such as pictures of the injury or doctors visit to back it up? otherwise it could be too late, it would then become a he said she said
Off the wagon
Why? There's nothing to discuss! He hit you and you want to discuss it? I bet he cried after the fact! He's a fuckin psycho! You should get him out of your life and never speak to him again!
Crikey!
I blame P.
Forum whore
I posted not that long ago about my sister and her ex. (I supported her at the custody case). He beat her up and immediately apologised and became the "sweet guy" again. He also swore black and blue (ironic huh?) that he'd never do any thing to her ever again. Until the next time he did it and put her in hospital - broken nose fractured cheek, ribs etc. If he's done it before he'll do it again until he knows there is no way that someone will put up with that sort of shit - then he'll move on to the next target. These guys want to dominate whether it be physically or mentally. Almost more damaging is the mental abuse. The promises, manuipulation and ultimately, lies leave the victim blaming themself. Once is too many times. No person deserves to believe that they are the cause for the abuse that they suffer.
They shall not grow old as we that are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the evening,
we will remember them
tank slappa
It doesn't matter how sweet or caring he WAS when you were an item, there is no excuse for him smacking ya 1. Obviously there is a connection there and you still care for him as a friend but my advice is cut the ties now, he should not be yr problem anymore...My ex was the same... and nearly 2 yrs later he is still trying to maintain contact with me, basically I ignore all his calls and txts cos the past should remain IN THE PAST.
In the end its yr choice but its a choice you REALLY need to make.
L-Plate Rider
I've matured... I have learned that you cannot make someone love you, all you can do is stalk them and hope that they panic and give in...
bin stalked..most cant hit a moving target...
Hardcore Biker
If you feel the need to take that quote seriously thats fine
kittie - put yourself in his shoes. in fact, even after some very clear and well constructed advice (even from winja and dover!) that you don't seem to be able or willing to take, i'll do it for you.
i punched this girl. she's hot, does what she's told, and thinks i'm great. but i get a bit grumpy with her, and tonight i punched her in the face. FUCK. she'll go to the cops and i'll get arrested and have to go to court and do anger management and get a fine. SHIT. i better try to talk it out of her. i know, i'll promise not to do it again. i'll promise that i'll walk away next time. she'll be sweet with that - she's already told me that i can come back if i promise that stuff. cool. i should be able to do that. i don't think i'll punch her again. well, i won't if she keeps her mouth shut.
you see kittie. it's not about you. it's all about him. you are kidding yourself if you think that his attitude will change. i have seen it 100's if not 1000's of times. once you have the sunk to the dubious ability to punch a person you supposedly LOVE in the face, there is little of no returning. if you're not going to make a complaint, at least walk away, and don't ever say that you'll take him back if he changes.
sem fiddy pilot
Kittie, I don't know you, or do I know anything of the circumstances of what lead up to this. One thing you will eventually find is that you can't do anything about your yesterdays, but you do have a certain amount of control over your tomorrows. Mull on it for a while, and your conscience will tell you whats right. I don't like guys hitting girls , however, it's the mark of a softcock
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