Assault

[Paul in NZ]

Your profile indicates that you are really quite young. (well everyones young to me these days)

Don't waste anymore energy or time discussing this on the internet. You have been given a wide range of advice and it's now up to you to decide whats best. The important thing is that you do something! No really, you need to actually decide and act.

I tend to agree with Spud. Report the assault at the local Police station but tell them straight out you don't want to prosecute (I think I got that right). Ultimately this is one thing you really need to do! GET IT ON RECORD someplace. Objective evidence wins cases!

My observation on life is this. Decide what sort of life you want right now. The nice guy / violent guy thing is a classic behaviour and it is unlikely to change. I'm amazed you even went out with him. If you want a wild ride in life, seek these people out. You will never be rich or bored!

[madboy]

Kitie, sorry but I haven't time to read the whole thread today, so I'm posting with little more idea than what you've said in your first post. Take my comments with the grain of salt they're worth.

There is no excuse to physically strike someone, but the fact is it happens. People's tempers, particularly when they are young and/or immature and/or have an anger management problem, can often lead them to lash out inappropriately. That split second judgement can have long term consequences. They could cause serious physical and/or emotional harm.

Another long term consequence can be the effect those criminal charges will have for the guilty party. Every time they travel overseas, start a new job or apply for insurance they will have to explain those charges. So shit they did when they were young and dumb and have damn near forgotten about will come back to haunt when they're much older, in a completely different place in life and leading a perfectly normal life.

It might be a bit flippant, but if he smacked you, you end up with a sore face for a few days, you use your brain and get rid of the guy (permanently) and within weeks or months the whole thing is ancient history. But for him, he'll be detained on entry into Brisbane airport 10 years later when he's on holiday with his wife and kids, and have to spend 45 minutes talking to completely unsympathetic Australian customs explaining WTF happened years ago when he couldn't control his temper. He'll have to explain to his prospective employers BEFORE he's even got the job that he's smacked his ex - now imagine what his prospective boss (a female) will think about that, never mind it was 10 years ago. And we haven't even started talking about entry requirements to get a working visa in the UK.

Stuff that didn't matter when you are 20 WILL matter when you're 30 or 40 or 50. And all this was for a shitload less than a smack in the face.

If he's going to be a lifelong loser, one charge won't matter - in fact it really won't so why bother anyway, sad but true. But if he decides to wake up and make something of his life, one charge will hurt for years to come. Most people don't give you the opportunity to explain the full story.

IMO just ditch the guy and move on.

[sAsLEX]

It's called being a gentleman and having honour.
I have never raised a hand to a woman and I've had some laying into me at the pub etc. Walked away.
I want nothing to do with any man who does.

Mate you are a fair bit bigger than me and can take a bit more, which makes it easier for you to take a slap then walk away. You wouldnt met many woman physically imposing to you would you?

but fists? No lady would ever use closed fists (or worse, kick for the nuts). You can't always walk away Dave. Unlikely situation, I know, but what if you're cornered by two brutish 300lbs Samoan women hell bent on giving you the slap? There are always going to be exceptions to the rule.

And if your kids are being threatened by his Samoan friends? Or they are laying in to your Wife? Never say never Dave someone or something will one day push your buttons and make you react, some parts of your brain are beyond logical control and once adrenilan and other hormones pop in to the mix the older instincs of humanity will come to the front. The difference between those like you who would generally never raise a hand and those that do it often is how in control they are!

[mstriumph]

Say if you were female and in a situation where you have an arguement with an ex partner, the arguement gets rather heated. You end up being twak'd one round the face. Would you follow through with an assault charge against the person involved?

i'd LIKE to say that i'd "follow through" with a knee to the groin ..... but seeing how everyone on here says violence isn't acceptable i'd better not say that..........

yes, Kit - at least let "officialdom" know it's happened,

even if YOU decide not to proceed with a charge at least it will give him a 'history' on record and make the job easier for the next weaker person he hits [because yes, he WILL do it again if he isn't brought up short one way or another this time]

[Big Dave]

Mate you are a fair bit bigger than me and can take a bit more, which makes it easier for you to take a slap then walk away. You wouldnt met many woman physically imposing to you would you?



And if your kids are being threatened by his Samoan friends? Or they are laying in to your Wife? Never say never Dave someone or something will one day push your buttons and make you react, some parts of your brain are beyond logical control and once adrenilan and other hormones pop in to the mix the older instincs of humanity will come to the front. The difference between those like you who would generally never raise a hand and those that do it often is how in control they are!

What a load of bollocks.
Lets sit around and make up hypotheticals.
Fact is I've never met a woman I found physically imposing.
I've never hit a girl in the course of normal life and I never will.
Only a maggot would. My last words on the subject.

Hope it works out Kitty

[Colapop]

And if your kids are being threatened by his Samoan friends?

So ALL Samoan or Pacific Island people are violent people?? That is a gross generalisation. I've been associated with my wife's family (Samoan) for more than 15 years and seen less violence and racial bigotry in that family than in a 1000 other situations.

There are scum in every race. I can garuntee that there are more assault cases involving European people than there are Samoan or Pacific Islanders. It's the same reason why all these pussies aren't taking their kids to rugby coz "I don't want my kid to get beaten up by a coconut" Treat people like shit no matter what race they are and see how many positive reactions you get.

[NotaGoth]

My intent on posting this thread was to get a range of advice from different people, rather than just talking to one person and going by one opinion.

I did recieve an apology today, and no I haven't gone running. So that tells you that some advice has sunken in though it may not look like it.

I do still believe how ever that people do change but that takes them admitting that they have a problem and doing something about it, its a long road ahead, but if they can't admit it nothing will ever change. I know this because I've personally worked through problems of my own and changed, and feel better for it. I know others can too.

Cheers for the good advice and input its been needed.

[NotaGoth]

i'd LIKE to say that i'd "follow through" with a knee to the groin ..... but seeing how everyone on here says violence isn't acceptable i'd better not say that..........

Have to be careful doing that. If you don't do the job properly you could end up worse off.

[KATWYN]

I agree with Goblin

[Smorg]

...............................

[The_Dover]

Does all of this advice apply to men that have been abused by women?

[KATWYN]

I do still believe how ever that people do change but that takes them admitting that they have a problem and doing something about it, its a long road ahead, but if they can't admit it nothing will ever change. .

True - but don't hold ya breath. Its a rare person that changes for good.
People may change for a time....but it all gradually starts resurfacing again.

[Goblin]

Does all of this advice apply to men that have been abused by women?

Yes! Absolutely!

[sAsLEX]

So ALL Samoan or Pacific Island people are violent people??

was referring to the quote in my post from Drunken Monkey, no racial insult meant.

[Winston001]

Couple of points:

Merely complaining to the Police but not wanting a prosecution is of limited effect. The "history" of the report can't ever be admitted as evidence in a future assault case.

Making a proper complaint still allows for a Formal Warning, Diversion, or even a Discharge Without Conviction.

Just remember - the next girl needs protection just as much as you do.