Neologisms rule, OK?

[Hitcher]

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
This year's winners are:

01. Coffee (n), the person upon whom one coughs.
02. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
03. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
04. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
05. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
06. Negligent (adj), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
07. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
08. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
09. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with 'Yiddishisms'.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

[Edbear]

Seen these before but thanks for the reminder, they're good! Just not good for the rib, right now! Owww!

[terbang]

Circumvent..LOL though not of jewish origin, I liked that one.. And I aint an axe murderer either..