The 1 that got away...

[Motoracer]

Weather is shitty, I'm bored on this Saturday afternoon and my mind begins to wonder after having a really nice dream last night of a chick I used to go out with (none of you know her btw)...

As you would have heard, the phrase mentioned in TV programs or movies etc. "The 1 that got away". Typically this phrase is followed after a trajic tale filled with regret. Boy meets girl or v.v. Things were great and they could have been great for ever and ever but alas... Things don't work out when you could have made it work. Now, I used to have these regrets about a few women that I have dated in the past. Until recent times...

Like most, I have dated a few women over the years. Normally I'm incredibelly fussy and I can not settle for 2nd best. Why should anyone really? So I have mostly been with the most amazing women, ever... This one example. I was 19, she was 27, part time psychologist doing her PHD in a psychology based research here in NZ. In other words, she was smart! Looks wise, I was a lanky skinny 5'8 62kgs, she was the typical German woman, 6'01 65Kgs with the most beautiful face... Let's just say if psychology didn't work out for her, she could have easily been a professional model. We had lots in common and life was great! Then the dreaded time came when she had to leave. She asked me to go with her back to Germany and I couldn't just leave back then. Then this other chick I dated before her, 26 year old from Poland, yoga instructer (HOT body..) and an internationally renound photographer, she had traveled the world and knew my culture closely and oh... Everythig was just perfect. Same thing happened.. I could have gone to Poland with her but no. (Just shows how much I love New Zealand!!).

These days I am single and just having a bit of fun with going out with different women for friendship or maybe more but with out rush or any kind of pressure.. Then just recently I clicked and realised something. That saying, "The one that got away"... That actually has no relevance in real life situations as far as I can tell at all! Sure I miss the women I dated a little bit but over time, if you choose to let them go. Your memory of them becomes pretty vague and as the saying goes "Pleanty of fish in the sea", there really are pleanty more fish in the sea. Sure the incredible catches are far few in between and most of them would be taken but they are out there (This should apply to both men and women). Until rencent times, I actually used to sulk every now and then when I felt lonely and think how lucky I used to be to have them and how I was a fool to not just go with them to their respecticve countires (I mean either or, not both at the same time! lol). I wasn't actually in love with either of them (as great as they were), so maybe that's why I didn't take the bold step. In fact the only girl I have ever loved was actually a local from NZ but for very good reasons I am not talking about her in here.

But anyway, the point that I was getting at is that to be happier... I think a healthier a way of looking at the phrase "The 1 that got away..." would beliving the fact that the phrase is incorrect or misleading. Because the fact is, there will always be someone else out there who will make you truely happy. It's just a matter of finding him/her really. So the way I know think is, there'll be the ones that got away and there'll be the once that are just waiting to be caught. I know it's so simple and you'll probably think I am silly for going on about it. Though it was only after realising this, that I have learnt to smile right throughout the sad and wonderfull memories from my past.

I just wanted to share that thought. I don't know if that's helpfull for someone going through tough times or not but thanks for reading anways.

Sudeep.

[Waylander]

Lucky you. Try being willing to take that bold step but just before you do you find she has other plans, then see if you still feel the same way.

[Virago]

Good post, I see your point. But it doesn't work out that way for everyone.

In my life, the one that really mattered, didn't get away....

[chanceyy]

But anyway, the point that I was getting at is that to be happier... I think a healthier a way of looking at the phrase "The 1 that got away..." would beliving the fact that the phrase is incorrect or misleading. Because the fact is, there will always be someone else out there who will make you truely happy. It's just a matter of finding him/her really. So the way I know think is, there'll be the ones that got away and there'll be the once that are just waiting to be caught. I know it's so simple and you'll probably think I am silly for going on about it. Though it was only after realising this, that I have learnt to smile right throughout the sad and wonderfull memories from my past.

I just wanted to share that thought. I don't know if that's helpfull for someone going through tough times or not but thanks for reading anways.

Sudeep.

its also the old saying

"I would rather be single and miserable, than married and miserable"

part of the problem is today that no one wants to work through the tough times. It appears to be more simpler to walk away, and that sad. Also alot of ppl today do not want the ties of a relationship, alot of pp just want to get laid.

Also note that it would appear good old fashioned qualities of Communication, honesty and trust are not high priorities in a relationship, yet without communication, the other two disappear ..

It will be interesting in another 10yrs to see the society we are creating, & the number of lonely older ppl ..who might smile at their memories, but they will not keep them warm at nite or share in their lives

[The Pastor]

It will be interesting in another 10yrs to see the society we are creating, & the number of lonely older ppl ..who might smile at their memories, but they will not keep them warm at nite or share in their lives

Intersting point.

[Switch]

Aw what a nice little story i agree with you on your point too

[Hooks]

Mind you buddy ... there are times when you are glad they did get away !! ... And trust me I know what I'm talking about there !!

Glad to see you're still in good form MR ...When are you coming down next ... give me some notice and I'll clear my sked !! ... and now that the kids are with their mum I have spare beds all over the place !!

[erik]

the fact they "got away" and you've gone through those experiences and continued to live on your own could perhaps make you a stronger individual rather than if you'd stuck with someone that may have been nice but not right for ya.

It will be interesting in another 10yrs to see the society we are creating, & the number of lonely older ppl ..who might smile at their memories, but they will not keep them warm at nite or share in their lives

The more lonely older people there are in 10 years time, the more chance they'll have of bumping into other lonely older people...

who am I to talk though, I know even less about relationships than I do about bikes.

[chanceyy]

The more lonely older people there are in 10 years time, the more chance they'll have of bumping into other lonely older people...

who am I to talk though, I know even less about relationships than I do about bikes.

by the time they bump into other lonely older people, they will be too set in their ways to change or allow anyone to be close .. seeing that already in society ... and by the time you have been through a few relationships you will understand what i mean .. by then you will know more about bikes too

[SwanTiger]

Good post Sudeep,

Life certainly has a lot to offer in the way of lessons especially where intimate relationships are concerned.

Unfortunately the Media is increasingly playing a major role in defining the "correct" ways of dealing with our emotions which more often than not is the "in-correct" way to go about it.

Never the less, when the shit hits the fan we've still got the opportunity to go for a ride and forget about things for a short while.

[Nicksta]

wow.. interesting post Sudeep....
i feel the same tho.. if your not with someone you dated now, its for a reason.. the only time i would think a little about it is the what ifs, if you never dated someone you wanted to... never had the guts to tell them you had feelings etc...
anywho... thanks for the philosophy thread!!

[Badcat]

Because the fact is, there will always be someone else out there who will make you truely happy. It's just a matter of finding him/her really. Sudeep.

You're right Sudeep.
what's also very important IMHO is that FINDING a great partner is only half the story. You have to BE a great partner too, and sometimes the time isn't right for you (or me or all of us) to be that excellent partner.
Personally, i've found tying my chances of happiness totally to finding the "right" partner has bitten me in the arse.
just my experience.
good on you for sharing this stuff bud, us lads are generally pretty bad at talking this stuff through.

K

[Mental Trousers]

I still kinda wish the one that got away hadn't, even though I'm now in a relationship that will last until the day I die. I still wonder whether if we had of done things differently would've helped or we missed an opportunity that would've changed things. But fact of life is that things went the way they did and given the choice of my current relationship and going back to the old one, I'd choose my current one everytime. My current one has aspects the old one didn't and vice versa, but the main things are my current partner trusts me without question, she doesn't try to change me or interfere in my interests. Those 3 are the main things we both have in common.

As for people getting old and being lonely, not all of them are people who go through relationships like they're only temporary. I can think of at least one person who is being held back by their desire to commit everything to one person but can't find the right one. With so many people passing in and out of relationships like they're a throw away item, it's increasingly harder to find that one person. But I know it'll happen and the one I'm thinking of won't be part of the old and lonely group.

My generation on will be growing lonelier than previous generations because many aren't sticking with relationships, but also without those relationships they aren't going to have children that they can look at in their old age and be proud of. It's a hell of a lot more common these days for people to be unmarried and child less into their 30's. I know my parents and my partners parents are happy and content when they see what their children are acheiving and doing in their lifes. Nothing gives them more pleasure in life than to say "these are our children and we're proud of them".

[onearmedbandit]

I with the 'one' now. I'm thankfull for all the ones that 'got away', I'm thankfull for my accident, I'm thankfull for my career, I'm thankfull for my upbringing. Why? Because without all those events happening, and in the particular order and fashion that they did, my life would've taken a different path. And I would have never met my future wife. She hates it when I say I'm glad I had my accident, but understands that without that event happening we would've never met.

[Edbear]

Nothing gives them more pleasure in life than to say "these are our children and we're proud of them".

Truer words were never said! Started our family young and while we had tough times I am as proud as could be of our three! We're blessed with a very close family! Missed out in the big career but my heart could burst when I watch my grown up children. Our eldest daughter presented us with our first Grandchild recently and our youngest gets married in July. Maybe I'm just big old softie but money just can't buy what we've got! My wife and I have had rough moments in marriage, too, but we're still together and happier with each other now than ever after 29 years. I'm not trying to put myself above anyone or criticise anyone, just saying that for me I'm glad the way things have turned out and wouldn't trade for quids! Relationships are complex and difficult but love, commitment,empathy and a bit of humility can work wonders. Just my 2c.