Joke for today

[Macktheknife]

Sorry, little late but its here.



The Army found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for early retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officers got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a grizzly old Captain who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my penis to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension man that he may want to reconsider, explaining about the nice checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Captain insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Captain to "drop em", which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Captain's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

The Captain calmly replied..."In Vietnam ."

[texmo]

hahahaha - good shit dude.

[mstriumph]

an oldie but ........

[MSTRS:Me]

Two Aboriginal lads are riding along Oxley Road on a motorbike. Their motorbike breaks down and they start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Aboriginals ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but he will take a look at the bike for them.

He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the Aboriginals he has to leave. "Heyyy bloke" they say "gissa pucken lift eh". The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls.

The Aboriginals put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back, would he take them and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way.

By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough the coppers pull him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies “Aboriginal Eggs”.

The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so he wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers. The Officer replies: "I've got a wagon with 20,000 Aboriginal eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the bastards have managed to steal a motorbike already".

[placidfemme]

Two Aboriginal lads are riding along Oxley Road on a motorbike. Their motorbike breaks down and they start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the Aboriginals ask him for a lift. He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but he will take a look at the bike for them.

He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the Aboriginals he has to leave. "Heyyy bloke" they say "gissa pucken lift eh". The trucker once again explains that he has no room as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls.

The Aboriginals put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back, would he take them and he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way.

By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down. Sure enough the coppers pull him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies “Aboriginal Eggs”.

The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so he wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so many officers. The Officer replies: "I've got a wagon with 20,000 Aboriginal eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the bastards have managed to steal a motorbike already".

lol not very PC but still good!!

[MSTRS:Me]

A young couple was making passionate love in a van which was complete with shag carpets and a double mattress. Suddenly, the kinky girl yelled out, "Oh, big boy, whip me, whip me!" The man didn't want to pass up this unique opportunity. So, in a flash of inspiration, he ran outside and snapped the aerial from the hood of the van. He then proceeded to whip her until they both collapsed in sado-masochistic ecstasy.

A week later, the girl noticed that the marks left by the kinky sex were beginning to fester, so she went to the doctor. The doctor took one look at her wounds and said, "I don't suppose you got these marks while having kinky sex."

The embarrassed girl admitted, "Yes, sir, they are." The doctor nodded and remarked, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring I've never seen such a bad case of van aerial disease."

[ManDownUnder]

That's.... that's....

RUUUDDDEEE!!!!!

[nodrog:Me]

A young couple was making passionate love in a van which was complete with shag carpets and a double mattress. Suddenly, the kinky girl yelled out, "Oh, big boy, whip me, whip me!" The man didn't want to pass up this unique opportunity. So, in a flash of inspiration, he ran outside and snapped the aerial from the hood of the van. He then proceeded to whip her until they both collapsed in sado-masochistic ecstasy.

A week later, the girl noticed that the marks left by the kinky sex were beginning to fester, so she went to the doctor. The doctor took one look at her wounds and said, "I don't suppose you got these marks while having kinky sex."

The embarrassed girl admitted, "Yes, sir, they are." The doctor nodded and remarked, "I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring I've never seen such a bad case of van aerial disease."

hahaha, thats so lame its funny, good shit!