"Caregiving" not babysitting!! Sharing Experience, Strength and Hope.
I recently looked after a 16 and a half year old (the half I was always reminded to add and I was told I was caregiving not babysitting lol).
I have never been able to have children of my own but enjoy other people's. So I was priviliged to be entrusted with the care of my friend's only sibling.
I have to say I was very impressed with his maturity and respectful manner (when we weren't ribbing each other). His friend Josh stayed more often than not and at my invitation. We all got on well together and had many laughs and serious conversations. These guys could converse well and were not afraid to ask questions. We went go-karting and had a blast (I prefer bikes then I would have whipped their smart arses!!) They even got up at 7am last Saturday morning and accompanied me to the market - well they went to McDonalds, they were on a mission, wanting to make skate ramps for both bikes, roller blades and skateboards. They had sourced plans and information off the net etc, so a trip to Bunnings first thing Sat to suss out timber etc.
He kept me informed of his whereabouts at all times. Has a job after school, plays indoor netball, makes time for his friends.
He had full responsibility of the finances during his parents absence. He proved to be very sensible indeed and never went overboard (like he could have!!).
Unfortunately at the same time, my partner and I were each having a major meltdown. I was away from my network of support, my home and routine - however thank god I still had to keep going because of Todd. I explained to him I was going through a hard time and his reply was "Shirl I understand - I know what a hard time is." And he does.
While other boys his age were out being boys - 4 years ago, due to the total incompetence of the medical profession, his mother is dying of heart and lung failure. Is on oxygen 24/7, in major pain on a daily basis, continuously on morphine - too many things to list. He has had to help his father care for her, carry on with school etc. His friend Josh, had open heart surgery 2 months ago and nearly died on the operating table. You would never know the hardships they have had to bear when you meet them. Cheerful, positive, caring young men.
I am now back in my own apartment and last nite I received a call from the young man I looked after. Firstly he txted me and asked if he could ring me and did I have time to talk with him. He was in tears and at his wits end about something, and the other person involved would not communicate at all. I advised writing it all down and handing the letter to the person concerned. Man to man and not go thru his mother, as he has in the past. Personally I could have solved the problem for him in one phone call. But he needed to learn how to deal with it and have the courage to carry through. He txted me this morning saying it worked. I told him how proud I was of him. I was humbled by this young lad - he was hurting, he reached out for help, and took action, he did it all.
I know that at his age I just bottled everything inside - was never taught how to solve problems for myself or encouraged to ask for help.
An hour later another friend dropped in, he'd been to counselling and wanted to share with me about his relationship, I was a bit puzzled but he eventually got to the point. He was put in my path to help me on a particular issue I am dealing with. I couldn't help but think when one is ready for the lesson, the teacher is put in your path - provided you are willing to listen and change! Deep emotional pain is always my catalyst of getting my butt into gear!! On the weekend, I ran into someone I went to primary school with and out of the blue shared something with me - and all of a sudden a few pieces of the jigsaw of my life were set in their right place.
Two hours later another knock on the door, my friend that had supported me thru my stuff last week was in need of an ear. I gave up trying to get to bed and have an early nite. I'm just grateful that I have been able to be there for these people - and they have helped me as well in ways they probably will never know.
I can only ever share my experience, strenghth and hope, take what you like and leave the rest! I feel I have just had a crash course in maturity!! and I feel very grateful to have all that I do today and excellent friends. My philosophy has been spouses come and go - friends are forever - invest heavily in them.
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It's funny just how mature and wise some 'youngsters' are, especially those that have had to endure hardship of some kind.
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