Thursday funny

[Macktheknife]

There was only one other person in the bar. It was a man. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar.

They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, When suddenly the Irishman cried out "My God, I know who that man is. It's Jesus!"

The others looked again and, sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.

The Irishman calls out, "Hey! you!!! Are you Jesus?"

The man looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus" he says.

The Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me."

So the bartender pours Jesus a Guinness and takes it over to his table.

Jesus looks over, raises his glass, smiles thank you and drinks.

The Englishman then calls out, "Errr, excuse me Sir but would you be Jesus?"

Jesus smiles and says, "Yes, I am Jesus."

The Englishman beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a Pint of Newcastle Brown Ale for Jesus, this the bartender duly does.

As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the men.

Then the Kiwi calls out, "Oi, you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus, or what?"

Jesus nods and says, "Yes, I am Jesus."

The Kiwi is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a Lion Red for Jesus, this he accepts with pleasure.

Some time later, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches the three men.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement.

"Oh God, the arthritis is gone," he says. "The arthritis I've had for years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the hand of the Englishman, thanking him for the Newcastle Brown Ale. Upon letting go, the Englishman's eyes widen in shock.

"By jove", he exclaims, "The migraine I've had for over 40 years is completely gone. It's a Miracle!"

Jesus then approaches the Kiwi, who has a terrified look on his face. The Kiwi whispers.

"Back off mate, I'm on ACC"

[Macktheknife]

Dont dunk your biscuits

http://funnieststuff.net/viewmovie.a...ylittledog.wmv

[willy_01]

lol good stuff bling awarded

[placidfemme]

haha got to love ACC sometimes...

[oldrider]

Couple of good jokes there bit unfortunate that the ACC one is so close to the truth though, isn't it!

[S&S]

Good stuff..... lol

[Zed]

Being a dunker for many years now, I found that hillarious. *bling*

Cheers!

[Macktheknife]

Couple of good jokes there bit unfortunate that the ACC one is so close to the truth though, isn't it!

Sadly. still funny though

[Beemer]

Both very funny but I have to spread some rep around before I can bling you for it!

[Macktheknife]

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR
>
>If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading
>it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my
>finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst
>of it.
>
>
>
>My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things
>up
>close.
>My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid
>and bump into things even in the best of weather.
>
>
>My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
>
>
>It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
>
>
>My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
here's the worst of it --
>
>Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks
>or my exhaust backfires!