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Thread: Lighten up..

  1. #1
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    Lighten up..

    Unfortunatly these days the PC brigade shit themselves in technicolour if you insult anyone.
    The Lost Art of The Insult

    Jul 6, 2003

    Josef Joffe


    Where has the fine art of the insult gone? there was a time in Europe when the cutting gibe was a respected weapon in political discourse. Lady Astor, Winston Churchill's nemesis, once said to him: "If I were your wife I would put poison in your coffee." Churchill didn't demand an apology or file a human-rights complaint. He just shot back: "And if I were your husband I would drink it." But these days we get the insult without the art, and so we respond with self-righteous outrage. Last week, when a German Member of the European Parliament goaded Silvio Berlusconi about the immunity law he had passed in order to wriggle out of a bribery prosecution, the Italian Prime Minister cocked his head, pitched his voice high and replied in a classic commedia dell'arte style: "There is a producer in Italy who is making a film about Nazi concentration camps. I will suggest you for the role of kapo." Nobody laughed. The uproar was loud and immediate. German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder demanded an apology and Berlusconi, reluctantly, expressed his "regret" — but seemed to take it back the next day. "I did not make an apology," he said. "I spoke of my sadness over a comment that was interpreted badly."

    We no longer live in Winston Land, but in the post-Auschwitz age. And so, in the catalog of epithets, "Nazi" trumps them all — the ghosts of the 55 million who died in World War II see to that. If a wise God were in charge of the world stage, he would decree: Thou shalt not exploit the memory of the Holocaust by using it for cheap political purposes. The label has become the universal atomic bomb of denigration, and you don't even have to be German to have it dropped on your head. Remember last fall, when one of Schröder's minions compared George W. Bush to Hitler? This riled the White House more than any of Schröder's anti-American antics on the campaign trail, and Herta Däubler-Gmelin, the Justice Minister who said it, was let go. Now it is Berlusconi, President of the European Union for the next six months, who has launched this verbal weapon of mass destruction, and it has, predictably, blown up in his face.

    If the N word has become devalued by overuse, so has the currency of moral indignation. So when French Premier Jean-Pierre Raffarin told a gathering of center-right leaders in Strasbourg last week that his country would be heading straight for heaven if the Socialists hadn't trapped it in purgatory, all hell broke loose, so to speak. But unlike Berlusconi, who needed a full day to choke out his expression of regret, Raffarin quickly genuflected and the matter was dropped. Of course, Raffarin is not a threat to France's republican order as Berlusconi is to Italy's. The most sacred principle of republicanism, as first laid down in the U.S. Constitution of 1787, is the separation of powers between executive, legislature and judiciary. Berlusconi is the executive, dominates the legislature, and is relentlessly going after the judiciary. Nor is the Fourth Estate any safer. Most of the media is owned outright by Berlusconi, and his grip on the rest is so strong that even Italian state television's evening news show, TG1, dubbed over his remarks last week when it ran footage of him making his gaffe.

    Berlusconi's usurpation of power is a serious political issue — one that catcalls and japes from the benches of the European Parliament won't solve. If the E.U.'s collective distaste was poured on Austria when a nasty little right-wing party entered the government, why not on Italy? Sure, Bella Italia is a lot bigger, and with its beauty and sheer cool, it can drink from a bottomless well of international affection. But precisely because we all love Italy so much, shouldn't Europe's leaders at least shake their heads and wag their fingers at the Berlusconisti?

    Of course they should, but postmodern man should also rediscover the art of the elegant rejoinder. Benjamin Disraeli, on the receiving end of an anti-Semitic slur in the British Parliament, had this to say: "Yes, I am a Jew, and when the ancestors of the Right Honorable Gentleman were brutal savages in an unknown island, mine were priests in the Temple of Solomon." Thank God, anti-Semitic attacks are no longer acceptable discourse in Europe. When we really want to clobber someone, we call him a Nazi or compare him to Hitler. But that doesn't play so well, as Berlusconi and Däubler-Gmelin have learned. So here is a suggestion: If Continental politicos can't think up a suitable retort of their own, why not borrow a rapier from the arsenal of American wit? There's a classic from Congressman Thomas Brackett Reed in the late 19th century, who said of two rivals that they "never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." If Berlusconi had trotted that one out, he would have heard as many laughs as catcalls, and fine della storia. But Disraeli, Churchill and Reed are dead, and so is the fine art of the insult
    To every man upon this earth
    Death cometh sooner or late
    And how can a man die better
    Than facing fearful odds
    For the ashes of his fathers
    And the temples of his Gods

  2. #2
    Bring back Muldoon !!!!

  3. #3
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    Hey Sniper

    English is your second language, isn't it? You don't have a first. Clearly, you spend way too much time in darkened rooms in front of your seven-year-old computer turning a whiter shade of pale. Go outside once in a while and breathe, before your brain starts to rot from all that festering stagnation and cognitive dysfunction.

    If there's an idea in your head, it's in solitary confinement. You could type every thing you know on the subject on back of a microscopic postage stamp and still have room leftover for a shopping list. You've got a big hole in your head, now shut it. When you are at a loss for words, your loss is our gain. As Ellen Glasgow once remarked: "He knows so little and knows it so fluently."

    If that post was intended as a joke, you forgot to include the punch line. You are like watching Amputee Field Hockey: pathetic, and very quickly disgusting. Maybe you wouldn't come across as such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget if your brain cells weren't on the Endangered Species list; if your weren't so fat that your cereal bowl has its own lifeguard, or if you didn't have a face that could scare a hungry wolf off a meat truck. Who am I kidding? You would.

    In closing, why don't you put your glasses on backwards and walk into yourself?

  4. #4
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    Now, if you care to apologize for wasting my shamefully wasted time, I'll consider accepting it.

  5. #5
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    I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction!

    Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by MattRSK
    Hey Sniper

    English is your second language, isn't it? You don't have a first. Clearly, you spend way too much time in darkened rooms in front of your seven-year-old computer turning a whiter shade of pale. Go outside once in a while and breathe, before your brain starts to rot from all that festering stagnation and cognitive dysfunction.

    If there's an idea in your head, it's in solitary confinement. You could type every thing you know on the subject on back of a microscopic postage stamp and still have room leftover for a shopping list. You've got a big hole in your head, now shut it. When you are at a loss for words, your loss is our gain. As Ellen Glasgow once remarked: "He knows so little and knows it so fluently."

    If that post was intended as a joke, you forgot to include the punch line. You are like watching Amputee Field Hockey: pathetic, and very quickly disgusting. Maybe you wouldn't come across as such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget if your brain cells weren't on the Endangered Species list; if your weren't so fat that your cereal bowl has its own lifeguard, or if you didn't have a face that could scare a hungry wolf off a meat truck. Who am I kidding? You would.

    In closing, why don't you put your glasses on backwards and walk into yourself?


    Mmmmm! Nice try, but somehow I feel it lacks a certain finesse...
    You don't get to be an old dog without learning a few tricks.
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edbear
    Mmmmm! Nice try, but somehow I feel it lacks a certain finesse...
    You almost got me there, nice one insulting my insult. I'd smack the crap out of you if I didn't think it would fill up the room

  8. #8
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    another winnie

    "And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning." - Winston Churchill, replying to Bessie Braddock MP who told him he was drunk

  9. #9
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    "Madam,

    I have your letter before me. It will soon be behind me..."

    Another Winnie gem.
    Time to ride

  10. #10
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    I suspect Mr Joffe is American or has close ties with them. If not, he would know that most Americans struggle with basic English, let alone having sufficient skill to formulate an insult.
    "I'm going to open a can of whoop-ass on you" is not the apex of wit.
    Speed doesn't kill people.
    Stupidity kills people.

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Motu
    Bring back Muldoon !!!!
    Tui moment.....
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  12. #12
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    MattRSK is very close, one of the better insults but like Ed said, it did lack a certain aura.

    As for the apology...check your rep....
    To every man upon this earth
    Death cometh sooner or late
    And how can a man die better
    Than facing fearful odds
    For the ashes of his fathers
    And the temples of his Gods

  13. #13
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    w00t! Churchill!

    -Indy
    Hey, kids! Captain Hero here with Getting Laid Tip 213 - The Backrub Buddy!

    Find a chick who’s just been dumped and comfort her by massaging her shoulders, and soon, she’ll be massaging your prostate.


  14. #14
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    Not disrespecting Muldoon, he was quite witty but my hat is still off to David Lange. Now there was a man who knew how to make an insult stick, and usually the receiver had to smile with it too!
    Aaahhhhh diplomacy, the art of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to arriving.
    I miss the days when you could tune in the radio to parliament just to hear the artful and witty banter of good slingers in fine form. These days its more like, "Madam speaker, please tell the member for #$&* to stop calling me names." pussies.
    Perhaps we should start this thread into a post your best insult thread? Then we could either hang our head in collective shame or see if we might come up with something to inspire others? whaddayareckon guys?

    "If you can't laugh at yourself, you're just not paying attention!"
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  15. #15
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    I'll lighten up



    Bender: Mr. Fry, I like to give my first mate an informal nickname. From now on you will be known as ... Wiggles! (Bender wiggles his fingers)

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    Hey, kids! Captain Hero here with Getting Laid Tip 213 - The Backrub Buddy!

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