Chocolate as an item for humour

[MSTRS:Me]

If you've got melted chocolate on your hands, you are eating it too slowly.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, and strawberries all count as fruit. Eat as much as you like.
Problem: How to get chocolate home in a hot car. Solution: Eat it before you leave the parking lot.
Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before a meal. It will take the edge off your appetite and you will eat less.
If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Everyone knows that calories are scared of heights and they will leave the chocolate to protect themselves.
Equal amounts of dark and white chocolate form a balanced diet.
Money talks. Chocolate sings. Beautifully.
Chocolate has loads of preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore you should eat more choccies.
Put "eat chocolate' on your list of things to do today. That way, you'll get at least one thing done.
A box of chocolates contains your total recommended daily intake of calories.
Isn't that handy?
If you can't eat all your chocolate in one sitting, it will keep in the fridge. But, if you can't eat all your chocolate in one sitting, what's wrong with you?
If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control-top panty hose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?

[GN1NiteStnd]

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Everyone knows that calories are scared of heights and they will leave the chocolate to protect themselves.

Always been my theory, although you would have to eat the chocolate in a high place as well, or else every calorie in the room will hide in the chocolate, which brings me onto another one:

-Never eat chocolate in the kitchen. Calories love chocolate, almost as much as you do, although why you would let your chocolate last until it reaches the kitchen is beyond me.

[yungatart]

If you break your chocolate in half, then you halve the calories and so you can eat twice as much... well, thats my theory anyway and I'm sticking to it