The Un-PC joke thread

**McJim** · 31st July 2006, 17:44

You want sick?

Mercenary soldier in a war zone needs to take a dump. The commanding officer says "You're not taking a dump in this trench buddy we may have to live here for days - go to those part ruined buildings over there - we'll give you covering fire" so the guy runs across no man's land and duck's through a doorway. "Get ready to give him more covering fire" says the C.O.
5 minutes pass - no sign, 10 minutes, 20, half an hour and still there's no sign of the dude. After 540 minutes the C.O. says okay, looks like he found a booby trap, stand down and scratch him off the wage bill. Just then they see him pop out of the building and start running towards them doing up his trousers. They lay down a covering fire and he made it back to cover. "What took you so long?" the C.O. asked
"Well Sarge, I met this nurse, beautiful legs, great tits, lovely arse and we were just shagging. I was on top, then she was on top then I took her from behind..."
"Did she give you a blowjob?" asked one of the junior troops
"Nah mate, I couldn't find her head."

**SkOrM** · 31st July 2006, 19:31

how many jews can you fit a car?
7... 2 up front 3 in the back and 2 in the ash tray

whats long and black?
the wellfare line

how long does a black lady to take shit?
9 months

**T.W.R** · 2nd August 2006, 17:51

Two Tongan lads are riding along the motorway on a motorbike, the bike breaks down and they decide to try & hitch a lift.

A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the tongan lads ask him for a lift, He tells them he has no room in his rig as he's carrying 5000 bowling balls, but he offers to have a look at the bike for them.

He trys everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he is now late for his delivery so tells the tongan lads he has to leave.

"Hey Bro" they say "gissa fuckin lift"

Once again the trucker says he can't as he is carrying 5000 bowling balls and there's just no room.

The tongan lads put it to the trucker that if they can fit the bike & themselves in will he take them, to this he agrees.

The tongan lads manage to fit the themselves & the bike into the back of the truck, so the trucker shuts the doors and heads off on his way.

By this time he is running really late so decides to put the boot down. Sure enough he gets pulled up by a cop for speeding.

The cop asks him what he is carrying, to which he replys "Tongan Eggs". The cop obviously doesn't believe this and asks to have a look, He duely walks to the back of the truck & opens up the doors and quickly shuts it again & locks it.

He gets on to his radio and calls for immediate back-up from as many officers as possible.

The dispatcher asks what the emergency is that requires so many officers.

"I've got a truck full of tongan eggs, two have hatched and they've managed to steal a motorcycle already!"

**Qkchk:Me** · 2nd August 2006, 18:03

What does a tampon and a Ford have in common?
Both come with tow-ropes and are used by cunts.

Why dont Maoris like Aspirin?
Cause it's white and it works.......

What did Jesus say to the Maoris?
Dont do anything til I get back.

What do Maoris and smokes have in common?
They both stink, come in packs of 20 and everyone wants them banned from pubs.

Why are there no Maoris on Star Trek?
Cos they dont work in the future either!

2 Men in South Africa dragging a Pakistani out of the sea by a rope around his waist. A Vicar walks by and says "thats what I like to see, man helping fellow man". When the Vicar leaves, first man turns to the other and says "He may be a good Vicar, but he knows fuck all about shark fishing!"