My son's best mate took his own life last night

[Colapop]

I am absolutely terried by this. More than anything else in my life I fear for my children. I have a 15 year old son who is the epitome of a good kid. He has good friends, is popular and excels at sport and school. I know it's no garuntee. My daughter is 11 and as a big girl I expect that there will be jibes. I do not expect them to have any thoughts that will lead them to take their lives - but I don't live their lives. I can think of no greater fear than that of suicide.

I feel for you all that have lost someone in this way.

[Str8 Jacket]

What drives someone to take thier life ?

I wish I knew the answer and I have been on both sides far too many times for my liking. I feel for your son, he will be very confused at the moment. He will be wanting to mourn his mate but he wont have anyone or anything to blame for his mates death. Getting your head around the fact that someone was that depressed and that there was nothing you could have done just blows your mind. Your son will never understand it and after awhile he may get angry with his mate, he may not either, he may blame himself that he didnt do anything. There was nothing anyone could have done and in time your son may come to understand that and hopefully he will be able to eventually smile at the good memories they had together. Watch your son, let him talk about it as much as he wants and dont try and stop him. This is what will eventually help him to get over the passing. The funeral will be hugely emotional and it will help your son, encourage him to attend if he's having any feelings of doubt over it. As I say I have been there too many times, 3 best mates and i'll never understand. It just rips your heart out.

[Winston001]

I've been struggling for something meaningful to say. The thread on depression a few months ago covers this topic well. http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/sh...ght=depression

My heart goes out to you and your son. Please don't judge Jared for his decision. Some people say suicide is selfish but they have no conception of what is in the sad persons mind. A person contemplating suicide does so because life is black and they are insignificant. By dying they relieve the world of a burden. They really don't see that family/friends will be worse off - quite the opposite it seems to them.

Detecting suicidal tendencies is the really hard question. I suspect there is no simple method. Perhaps the best guide is to consider family history as a pointer to what might develop. Teenagers have very strong emotions which can tip them over into extreme reactions.

Talk to your children and show that you love them. Listen too - sometimes what a person (as Marmoot has explained very well) needs is to be understood, not judged or advised. This requires reflective listening where you repeat back the persons words. Hearing this, they percieve empathy and that can lift a great burden.

[Sniper]

Im sorry to hear this. Its sad I know. I had a friend who huing himself a few months ago. The only advice I can offer is to support his family. They will suffer alot.

All the best mate and condolences

Stu

[Beemer]

Condolences, unfortunately it's not uncommon for people who appear to have their lives sorted to commit suicide. I know of at least four people who have - one was a very good friend of mine and one was someone I admired for his motorcycling talent. As they say, it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem and I wish to hell I knew how to prevent it. I covered coroner's court once and heard of five young people, one only aged 11, who had killed themselves. Often it is over a very trivial thing like someone not talking to them one day, but it is the one thing that sends them over the edge.

I think all we can do is ensure our loved ones know we love them and are there for them even when times are hard or when they make mistakes. Everyone blames themselves when a loved one commits suicide but the simple fact is, it's rarely anyone's fault, it's a combination of lots of factors that finally makes someone think that life isn't worth living. Wish I knew the answer and could say the right things, but it's just one of those horrible consequences of life today.

[Lou Girardin]

What is it with this (and the last) generations that their first thought when something doesn't go their way is that life isn't worth living.
Killing yourself because someone upset you? Unfathomable.
Is this the logical conclusion of wrapping kids in cotton wool and protecting them from life?

[mstriumph]

It's caused by feeling that nothing is worthwhile, there's no point in doing anything and you might as well knock it all on the head now.

there is ALWAYS something worth living for
but sometimes it seems really attractive to swap the known here and now for the unknowable hereafter

condolances to those left behind - and to those posting here whose memories and old hurts have been stirred

[Marmoot]

It is not until recently that I really realize how a simple "hey, how are you" when you meet someone in the morning at the workplace can really change your relationship with those involved.
It might not be much to look at, but it goes far deep.

As the AMI ads say, smile is contagious.

[Firefight]

It is not until recently that I really realize how a simple "hey, how are you" when you meet someone in the morning at the workplace can really change your relationship with those involved.
It might not be much to look at, but it goes far deep.

As the AMI ads say, smile is contagious.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Marmoot again.



F/F

[Maha]

Thoughtless act, to bestow enormous grief on those that actually give a shit is way beyond me, and im not just talking about this particular incident, younger people that top themselves, needed more time to grow up, i will never be convinced that it was a mature decision.....

[Winston001]

Thoughtless act, to bestow enormous grief on those that actually give a shit is way beyond me, and im not just talking about this particular incident, younger people that top themselves, needed more time to grow up, i will never be convinced that it was a mature decision.....

The problem is that the suicidal person isn't thinking rationally. They don't think it'll really hurt anyone else because the world is better off without them. Teenagers in particular aren't mature and don't think through the consequences.

[Marmoot]

Thoughtless act, to bestow enormous grief on those that actually give a shit is way beyond me, and im not just talking about this particular incident, younger people that top themselves, needed more time to grow up, i will never be convinced that it was a mature decision.....

Too bad there was no more time in almost 100% of the case.

The chance of blind people finding their way across a jungle is almost nil. The same as in this issue; people who are blinded by their life's problems and trying to find a way in this messy life of theirs.

Instead of slagging them for being immature as they are, why not help them grow?

[Maha]

Too bad there was no more time in almost 100% of the case.

The chance of blind people finding their way across a jungle is almost nil. The same as in this issue; people who are blinded by their life's problems and trying to find a way in this messy life of theirs.

Instead of slagging them for being immature as they are, why not help them grow?

Who's slagging?..... any person that knows me (which you dont) knows that i will help anyone, and i have personally been at my lowest about 6 years ago, lost everything i had, and almost state of mind, suicide never entered the equation, its a cop out........'my opinion'....!

[Marmoot]

Good 4 you then

I wish everyone is like that

[Dangerous Dane]

Sorry to hear about this, had it happen to me about a month ago, Next mate who does it's getting a speech from me at his funeral about it. Its just not on.