My son's best mate took his own life last night

[scumdog]

Never figured why otherwise 'normal' dudes top themselves.

My mate did it after his missus being unfaithful to him twice - not joke, a bullet through the swede is no joke.
But a lot have less angst and still do it. , go figure...

[Sniper]

Adaymond.

Life is hard and unfortunatly the thoughts in a suicidee's mind can never be truely known.

I was playing PS2 with my mate 3 days before he topped himself. Couldnt believe it and still cant to this day. Its been over a year and he is still missed. Just remember Jared in his good times and dont try figure out why, it will only hurt

All the best

[Mom]

I hold a pretty dim view of suicide.......I have seen the effects on friends and family when someone chooses to end their own life......it is the most selfish thing to do and a devastating, horrid thing for the ones left behind to have to deal with, specially when there was no hint it was coming...........

Fortunately I also know that there is more than likely a mental illness behind most suicides, that keeps me calm, I just wish I have not had to support someone who's only son decided to take his life, deliberately to avoid the shit that he had managed to get himself into, leaving his family to deal with it.

My love and strength to this family, to lose a loved one for any reason is hard, double that and then some for the ones left behind by suicide.

[Toaster]

I've been to and dealt with several suicides while in the cops.... a horrible, selfish thing to do. Just awful... I will never forget any of them.

[scumdog]

Nothing guts you more than looking at somebody you know lying on a slab looking almost 'normal' - EXCEPT for the hole through their head, the blue colour of their lips and fingertips, the watery foam coming from their mouth or whatever it was that killed them, - BUT having a good mind and body prior to death..
All I can think of is "shee-it, what a waste, some poor sucker in a wheel-chair would give his eye-teeth to have a body like thAT"

WHAT A WASTE, WHAT A FUCKING, SORRY WASTE....

[oldrider]

In the Waitaki Valley this sort of thing had a roll on and was averaging about one a year for about 30 odd yrs and there was no pattern, all ages, both genders and all walks of life.

It seems to have quietened down over the last few years but it gets a role on and even seems contagious at times, there is just no explanation to it. Damn waste. (IMHO) John.

[Delerium]

NZ has one of the worst youth suicide rates in the world.

[Street Gerbil]

NZ has one of the worst youth suicide rates in the world.

...and scores 2nd best in "peace index". I wonder if those figures are related. Back in Israel which scored somewhere in the region of Somalia, Ethiopia, and Iraq, with all the shit caused by the neighbors, kids were too busy trying to live to pause and think about taking their lives. Suicide rate is very low.
Can it be that life in New Zealand is just too easy for kids and they do stupid things out of boredom?

[candor]

I'm Jared Clouts Aunt - Sister of his father Steve..

Jared didnt actually have a know history of depression, this was revealed to the entire family after his death by his doctor.
Jared had a promising future; his apprenticeship was going well; no "Girl troubles" no drug abuse etc; he done exceedingly well at sport and had heaps of supportive mates - some of them I can remember from when they were little tots running round Peter Hall drive, Palmy.

The last time I saw Jared is when he came to Wellington and stayed with me for a week or so a coupple of months before he suicided.

There was no clue as to why Jared suicided, he had promised his little sister Courtney that he was going to pick her up the next morning and take her to hockey, he had laid his own hockey uniform out on his bed.

The only thing anyone seems to know is that his mood changed when he was out with his mates (flatmates also) they left him at the bar that they were all in, noone knows anything else after that.
It seems he went home later that night and suicided - later to be found by his older sister and his father.

The most difficult thing for the family is; the simple fact that noone knows why, no note, no warning - no anything!
If someone out there knows anything, it would be awesome if they told Jareds parents - even an anonymous note in the mailbox would be great - to finally put their mind and hearts at ease

Hi Adaymond. I'm a psych nurse. Very often when we 'd admit young guys they have tried suicide impulsively after drinking. The alcohol can cause quite a drop in mood in some people or in some people at certain times. And lapses in judgment. Often there is no big answer. Quite often it is something pretty small that has grown out of proportion in the teenagers mind. Sometimes its sexuality issues. This sounds like it may just have been a few normally unworrying things conspiring. His age - alcohol - and his male sex mainly (guys are better at succeeding at suicide as they chose more violent so less reversible methods). Sorry for your loss, sad your nephew made such a terrible mistake and how the little girl must be affected.

I guess that those drinking with him may have a clue from what you said, are you suspicious of that. They say his mood changed and they left him at the bar - doesn't sound very "matey" to me. Have you interrogated them?

[ynot slow]

unfortunitely suicide is ongoing,i feel for the person finding the victim,usually family or partner,years ago i knew of a young woman who did it,2 small kids,both had own business's,she had 2 attempts with shotgun as first go took part of shoulder,hubby was shocked and was held in high esteem in motorsport community,but as he was so cut up at funeral,most close to him new he was to blame with numerous affairs,had a mate ring him one day asking if his flat could be used as love shack for couple of hours,sure he was full of remorse,but how do you explain it to 2 small kids.my own eldest daughter has had a friend die at 15yr from cancer,then she was told she has a gene which can lead to cancer,she was told this less than 3 months after her friends funeral,she is now 17 so still get concirned about what's inside their heads.takes a brave being to get through lifes problems,sometimes ending it seems all to easy,worse when so young.condolences to any families bereaved.

[Hitcher]

Could people please be courteous and observe the convention of starting a sentence with a capital letter and ending it with a full-stop and a space before the first word on the the new sentence (which has a capital letter). A space after commas and other punctuation in a sentence is also a very good idea. There is no shortage of spaces on your keyboard. Please use them.

This plea for legibility has been posted by the BDOTGNZA.

[Grub]

Quite often it is something pretty small that has grown out of proportion in the teenagers mind. Sometimes its sexuality issues. This sounds like it may just have been a few normally unworrying things conspiring. His age - alcohol - and his male sex mainly

Sadly, this is the unspoken truth with most young male suicides. They discover that maybe they're not 100% straight but society doesn't provide any validation that says that might be OK. There's no-one they can talk to. At that age, mates are the centre of your universe and they are the ones that these guys are too scared to alienate, yet they're the only ones close enough to talk to. It's a vicious, nasty conundrum and they see only one way out.

We all need to say "hey, it's ok, we don't care". Instead we all make jokes about stuff being gay/ghey and sneer. Next time people, think before you say or write it

[melalicious]

I'm Melissa, Jared's sister i happened to be the one who found him nearly a whole day after he went missing! Because thats when i found out he was missing! pretty crap i know.
This is the worst thing i have ever been through and to this day haunts me in my sleep. I'm 23 i struggle with day to day silly things to, i see how easy it could be to give up, but i DONT blame Jared 4 what he done i understand how hard it must have been and how much he must have been hurting. What i've realized is the fact that i diddnt see this, i diddnt notice anything was wrong, so how is it all his fault? People say suicide is a selfish way out and thats fine but i dont see it that way. I would give anything to have him back.
Everybody has theories about what triggers suicide but in our situation we will never know, i would rather celebrate the time we did have and keep the memories alive.
I was actually shocked to come across this site and some of the things said. The funny thing is everybody seems to get over it so fast, nobody comes to visit my family and see how we are, we still deal with this every day, we still hurt everyday! but people disappear!
Some things said are so untrue but i'll leave it at that.
Please be considerate in what you write, you never know who's going to come across it!

[lanci]

It's not cool, selfish, period.

[Steam]

I feel for you Mel, it's not nice reading about loved ones on the net, especially when people are yabbering on about them.

In other news...
My ex girlfriend's body was just found today, she killed herself after she ran away from a mental hospital in Dunedin a few days ago. You may read about it tomorrow in the paper if you live in Otago.
(ex from quite a few years ago now)