My son's best mate took his own life last night

[Bikernereid]

Sorry to hear such bad news.

But as some advice to parents just because your teenager appears happy it may not be the case. I can speak from experience and when you suffer with depression you become very good at hiding your true feelings. You may seem like the life and soul of the party but inside it is a very different reality.

All I can say is talk as much as you can to your children and make sure that they understand that no matter what the problems they are facing it WILL NEVER be a burden on you to listen. I didn't talk to my parents, not because I couldn't (they were/are amazing) but because I felt that I didn't want to add pressure on them. I wish I had spoken to them as me ending up in hospital was far harder for them to deal with than me talking to them could ever have been.

Hope this helps.

[melalicious]

He wasn't gay, if he was I'd love him to death,if he was depressed I asked the family doctor and saw no signs either, he had a mum and dad still together and another little sister ( maybe he'd wished he'd had a brother . I would have gladly had a brother for him. He had a kind heart and lived life and loved life to the very end. He would have loved a girlfriend he was so giving too . He ate healthy he showed me his ab's and his ab diet book ( I asked to borrow it ) he played hockey, he won his school cross country race, he loved golf, snowboarding , cars etc...he had a good job ( but found study hard for his apprenticeship) he'd tell me, he could come home he could talk to us about anything.
We miss him and losing him felt like the end of the world.
I hate thieves and bullies, he stuck up for his cousin at high school and that boy got his three cousins chasing Jared maybe he was scared shitless and didn't know what to do , I know my son I brought him up , I just wished I knew when I woke up 4am that morn I could help him, now I have to live with and wonder why, I would like for anyone in trouble to talk to talk to anyone please it does get better. I'm sure it's their way of thinking too, we tend to want to lean on something but as we get older we decide not too... I love you Jared and miss you so much I know you're in a better place.
And to learn from a bad thing is to help others not to let it happen to others.
your mum 4evaxxxooo and dad xxxooo and little sisters xxxooo

[karla]

Hi Melissa
I'm sorry to hear about your brother. My sister committed suicide nine years ago, and I will never forget sitting with her afterwards, holding her hand, her body bruised and broken from a drug overdose. It was really unfair, she was a beautiful, talented young woman who was loved and had everything going for her. I think that if she had known how badly messed she would get from the overdose, she would not have done it that way - there is nothing romantic about your body being left blue, swollen and puffy.

Only those of us who have been through this really understand how difficult this is to make any sense of. In the first few years suicide became an "option", a choice in my mind, and like you, I could understand and justify why she did it. I wasn't angry at her; just sad. Some days I even had some respect for her choice, and I used to believe that she was stronger than most people.

Other days I think that she was not well, too sick to carry on living the way that most of us do, and too sick to deal with life one day at a time. She really tried hard to change. But I believe that her thinking was made worse by the way that she reacted to drugs and alcohol - some people just can't drink like others, it is like poison. That is one of the reasons I don't drink alcohol anymore; to ... in my own small way ... make her life mean something, and to help me believe that she didn't die needlessly. Later she became a 'statistic'; that really gutted me.

I feel quite powerless when I hear of others who go through this, because I know that there is nothing really that anyone can say to help - and others do forget quickly. They don't feel the pain of loss. We have to do the work ourselves, to find our truth and to make peace with ourselves and our loved ones. It makes us dig deep to find the strength we need to survive, and we do get stronger, but it's not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

I wish you the peace that I have found - it will come to you.
Karla

I'm Melissa, Jared's sister i happened to be the one who found him nearly a whole day after he went missing! Because thats when i found out he was missing! pretty crap i know.
This is the worst thing i have ever been through and to this day haunts me in my sleep. I'm 23 i struggle with day to day silly things to, i see how easy it could be to give up, but i DONT blame Jared 4 what he done i understand how hard it must have been and how much he must have been hurting. What i've realized is the fact that i diddnt see this, i diddnt notice anything was wrong, so how is it all his fault? People say suicide is a selfish way out and thats fine but i dont see it that way. I would give anything to have him back.
Everybody has theories about what triggers suicide but in our situation we will never know, i would rather celebrate the time we did have and keep the memories alive.
I was actually shocked to come across this site and some of the things said. The funny thing is everybody seems to get over it so fast, nobody comes to visit my family and see how we are, we still deal with this every day, we still hurt everyday! but people disappear!
Some things said are so untrue but i'll leave it at that.
Please be considerate in what you write, you never know who's going to come across it!

[Bikernereid]

Mel,

I am so sorry that you lost your brother. I can't imagine what you are going through but you have my thoughts. As for people getting over it easily and not visiting you, it may not be the case. My father died 7 years ago aged 52. Some people still can't talk about my dad, my dad's brother being one of them!! I think that it is because they are too upset, can't deal with talking about him or worry that it will upset us. The truth of the matter is mum and I keep my dad alive by talking about him all the time. I took me about 6 years to deal with it and stop being angry and bitter. You sound like you have the right idea, celebrate the time you had with your brother!! I try to do that as much as I can now!!

Suicide is not selfish end of story. As someone who tried to end her life I can understand excatly where he was coming from and it takes a great deal of courage and is not something done lightly. Sometimes ending your life is the only way to take control of it and stop the pain. People often do not have any idea what it is like to suffer continuously with depression and anyone who spouts about suicide being selfish should think twice before typing or speaking.

I hope that you and your family support each other and enjoy spending time together.

I'm Melissa, Jared's sister i happened to be the one who found him nearly a whole day after he went missing! Because thats when i found out he was missing! pretty crap i know.
This is the worst thing i have ever been through and to this day haunts me in my sleep. I'm 23 i struggle with day to day silly things to, i see how easy it could be to give up, but i DONT blame Jared 4 what he done i understand how hard it must have been and how much he must have been hurting. What i've realized is the fact that i diddnt see this, i diddnt notice anything was wrong, so how is it all his fault? People say suicide is a selfish way out and thats fine but i dont see it that way. I would give anything to have him back.
Everybody has theories about what triggers suicide but in our situation we will never know, i would rather celebrate the time we did have and keep the memories alive.
I was actually shocked to come across this site and some of the things said. The funny thing is everybody seems to get over it so fast, nobody comes to visit my family and see how we are, we still deal with this every day, we still hurt everyday! but people disappear!
Some things said are so untrue but i'll leave it at that.
Please be considerate in what you write, you never know who's going to come across it!

[YellowDog]

That is terrible news. I cannot imagine how much friends and family must be struggling and will need a lot of support. I hope a reason transpires in the fullness of time. There must have been one, however unjustified it may seem. It would help the ones left behind gain some understanding.

Very sad. Deepest condolences.

[Meanie]

The funny thing is everybody seems to get over it so fast, nobody comes to visit my family and see how we are, we still deal with this every day, we still hurt everyday! but people disappear!
!

No one forgets.
I still struggle with it every day. Not a day goes by that I dont think about how much we all miss his company and warm smile. My son still cant bring himself to talk about it and wont look at the DVD of photos your dad dropped around. Every time we talk about our holiday plans down to marlbrough sounds we tremember how much we enjoyed him coming with us, I still cant take his name and phone number off my phone, so like i said, we havnt and never will forget him.

[ynot slow]

Just because time has moved on and friends don't call or appear to care,doesn't mean they have forgotten,can take time for close friends to get their heads around it,all the questions on why has this happened etc.

[slimjim]

yes, one's choice is so hard to understand , and it's a choice of their free will , and it's still the living that hurt's the most, thought's of your sorrow and knowledge life is not alway's as it seem's