Exclusive report from our motorsport reporter Ivor Bigun.
With a deafening roar and a flaming exhaust; Dadpole emerged from the Portaloo and staggered onto the test track. “Reminds me of Kenny Roberts in his prime” remarked an onlooker as the pong drifted over the pits.
Here at a highly secret testing facility in the heart of the Wairarapa, startling developments in superbike technology are being shown for the first time. Working in conditions of great secrecy (and lack of medication) Dadpole has produced what he refers to as “The bike that will clean up the Wairarapa Sprints and humiliate those Welly lads”.
While figures are being kept under wraps, performance is described as “Shit your pants scary”. On its first test run, a local farmer was left speechless. “I am speechless” he said. “Never in my existence have I been so bereft of the powers of vocalization”.
When pressed for details on top speed, the reply was “Less than expected, but our test rider lacks the ability to further develop the bike. Once the premature explosion problem is sorted I expect better things. We currently need a new tester who combines the twin endowments of stupidity and cheapness. Now, if you will excuse me, I have a funeral to attend”.
The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight underpants.
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