Some jokes to make Friday go by a lil faster
Sorry if any of these are reposts...
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A three-year old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mum," he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.
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NEW YORK - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F.
Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto
Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious
Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'
'When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If
God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He
would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound
statement by the president.
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A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.
'I'd like to buy a horth' he says to the owner of the farm.
"What sort of horse?', said the owner.
'A female horth,' the dwarf replies.
So the owner shows him a mare. 'Nithe horth,' says the dwarf, 'can I thee her eyth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes.
'Nithe eyth', says the dwarf, 'can I thee her teeth?'
Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.
'Nithe t eeth, can I see her eerth? ' the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but, again, the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears.
'Nithe eerth,' he says 'now can I see her twot?'
With this the owner picks the dwarf up and shoves his head deep inside the horses vagina, he holds him there for a second before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says 'Perhaps I should weefwaze that. Can I see her wun awound?'
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Click on this link and enter in your name:
http://www.cse.unsw.edu.au/~geoffo/humour/flattery.html
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A male patient is lying a hospital bed, wearing an oxygen mask over
his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour,
surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned
that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his P***s in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir." The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely......
"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"
haha......
Originally Posted by DingDong
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Holy shit, I don't belive it
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