Rethink your Job

**Skunk** · 26th January 2005, 17:16

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, I mean what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh... she got fired too."

**Riff Raff** · 26th January 2005, 17:54

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone "brother".
2. He liked Gospel
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was
Jewish:
1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all -
3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just
didn't get it.
3. And even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work to do.
Amen!!!

**Riff Raff** · 26th January 2005, 18:00

I HEARD HIM TRYING TO BREAK IN.

I RAN TO THE CABINET GRABBED MY AUTOMATIC,

SLAMMED THE CLIP IN AND CHAMBERED A ROUND.

I WAS SCARED AS I SNUCK DOWN THE HALL TO THE BACK DOOR.

I ALSO GRABBED A FLASH LIGHT.

I OPENED THE DOOR AS QUIETLY AND AS SLOWLY AS I COULD.

I TIP TOED TO THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE

WHERE I HEARD HIM STILL WORKING ON THE SCREEN.

I TURNED THE CORNER AND PUT THE FLASHLIGHT AND GUN IN HIS FACE

I YELLED HANDS UP!!! AS HE TURNED TO FACE ME

.................

**RiderInBlack** · 26th January 2005, 19:33

Hey, Riff Raff, watch out for the burgler's revenge

**Hitcher** · 26th January 2005, 20:27

Originally Posted by Riff Raff

New Subway sandwich

Seeing as it's an American sandwich, I'll let them off...

**SPORK** · 26th January 2005, 21:45

You are so awful for posting that. I hate you!

**SPORK** · 26th January 2005, 21:46

RIB's picture, that is...

**Waylander** · 26th January 2005, 22:02

Originally Posted by Hitcher

Seeing as it's an American sandwich, I'll let them off...

got something against americans????? ah well good thing im not one anymore

**Redstar** · 26th January 2005, 22:10

Whats Big fat and hairy and sticks out of your pyjamas?

?

?

Your head..

all right I'll try better next time!

**Sniper** · 27th January 2005, 06:26

Originally Posted by Riff Raff

New Subway sandwich

I feel nauseous and vow never ever to eat subway!!!!!

**Coyote** · 27th January 2005, 08:34

Originally Posted by RiderInBlack

Hey, Riff Raff, watch out for the burgler's revenge

Awwww, its so cute

If someone says I'm going soft, I'll kick your arse

**Hitcher** · 27th January 2005, 09:24

Originally Posted by alarumba

If someone says I'm going soft, I'll kick your ass

By use of the pitifully limp and lame American expression "ass" you have demonstrated a disturbing degree of softness.

Around here we proudly uphold the Great New Zealand Arse!

Brave Defenders of the Arse are we!

What's small, pink and wrinkled and hangs out your pyjamas?

Your grandma...