unless you can prove it.
A redhead walks into a doctors surgery complaining that whenever she touches herself it hurts.
" Touch your nose for me" asked the doctor, the redhead screamed out in pain.
"Touch your knee for me" asked the doctor, the redhead screamed again.
"Touch your cheek for me" asked the doctor, the redhead howled in pain again.
"Are you a real headhead ?" asked the doctor.
"No, I'm a natural blond", replied the redhead
"I though so," said the doctor, "you've broken your finger"
This weeks international insult is in Malayalam:
Thavalayolee
You Frog Fucker
The Ragin Cajun
hahahah very goodOriginally Posted by Biff Baff
BTW welcome Biff Baff to the site
Slower than Ixion
Wenn ist das Nunstrück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
mwahahahaha
bahahahahaha
thud...
Hayden - Evidence that even the mediocre can achieve great things.
((U+C+I) x (10-S))/20 x A x 1/(1-sin(F/10))
Return Of The Black Panther
A man moved to the city and visited a new GP. After two visits and exhaustive lab test, the Doctor tolled him that he was "fairly well" for a man of his age. A little concerned about that comment, the man asked, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
The GP asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or, drink beer or wine?"
"Na" the man replyed, "Don't touch any of those."
The GP asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks, barbecued ribs?"
"Na, heard that red meat was bad for ya. " he replied.
"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, play golf, sail, balloon, scuba dive, or rock climb?"
"Na"
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, ride a motorbike, or sexually fool around?" Asks the GP.
"Na" he replies, "I an't done nothing like that."
The GP looked at the man and said, "Then why the hell do you give a stuff if you live to be 80?"
New Zealand......
The Best Place in the World to live if ya Broke
"Whole life balance, Daniel-San" ("Karate Kid")
Kia kaha, kia toa, kia manawanui ( Be strong, be brave, be steadfast and sure)
DON'T RIDE LIKE YA STOLE IT, RIDE TO SURVIVE.
Deus ex ukulele
Die ist ein Kinnerhunder und zwei Mackel über und der bitte schön ist den Wunderhaus sprechensie. 'Nein' sprecht der Herren 'Ist aufern borger mit zveitingen'.
[The Germans' response to the world's funniest joke]
"Standing on your mother's corpse you told me that you'd wait forever." [Bryan Adams: Summer of 69]
I like bikes
Translation please
"Not one day that we are here on this earth has been promised to us, so make the most of every day as if it was your last, and every breath ,as if it were the same"
Forum whore
Translation?Translation please
Sorry, it would lose all meaning!
“- He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”
unless you can prove it.
Thx Cajun - good to be here and nice to meet you.
This weeks international insult is in Malayalam:
Thavalayolee
You Frog Fucker
Filling the empty spaces
i just plugged it into googles translator and gotTranslation please
altavista saysThose is one Kinnerhunder and two Mackel over and is please beautifully the miracle house speak they. ' no ' speak the gentlemen ' is more borger aufern with zveitingen '
Welcome BiffBaffThose is one Kinnerhunder and two Mackel over and is please beautifully the miracle house speak they. 'Nein' speak the Mr. 'Ist aufern more borger with zveitingen'
Last edited by ZorsT; 14th December 2004 at 19:28. Reason: got another 1
I suffer from hooliganism.... Know me before you judge me
http://www.kiwibiker.co.nz/forums/sh...7&postcount=83
i need to practice my "this shit doesn't burn" faceWelcome, ZorsT.
You last visited: 1st November 2007 at 22:15
Deus ex ukulele
Be very careful. It's deadly. Learn the awful truth here...
http://docweasel.com/members/05/tv/01/0107killer.html
"Standing on your mother's corpse you told me that you'd wait forever." [Bryan Adams: Summer of 69]
Deus ex ukulele
Blackjeanus mulleticus maximus
First identified as a sub-species during the mid-70s, the Melbourne Bogan is thought to be a close relation of the Booner (found in Canberra's outer suburbs) the Westie (spread throughout Western Sydney), and the Bevan (Bribane).
It is believed the initial Melbourne population was introduced to purpose-built habitats such as Frankston and Dandenong. However, by the mid-80s, the species had multiplied to plague proportions, spreading through much of Footscray and further Western regions. While authorities considered a culling program, they need not have bothered, as the regional population began a rapid decline from the early '90s onwards. The situation has now reached a critical point, with Bogans rarely sighted in Melbourne, and those remaining clinging to the region's outskirts. In the year 2000, the species is now officially endangered.
Identifying a Bogan is not difficult. Males sport a distinctive hair growth called a "mullet" (short front and sides, long at back). Some scientists believe the growth is genetic, while others argue it is a product of nurture, as even extremely young males seem coerced by parents to adopt the growth. Other distinguishing male characteristics include a tight black denim covering on the hindlimbs and bright flannelette markings on the forepaws and belly. Males adopt a dominant status within the community, with a vague sense of rank defined by the ownership of aging Ford and Holden motor vehicles.
Female Bogans are entrusted with the raising of multiple offspring, a role they perform from a young age and often without the presence of the male. They may be similarly identified through distinctive denim markings, though the color is usually "stonewash". In warmer weather, females have been known to shed the lower layer of demin to just below the genital area, resulting in a "cut-off" effect. Both males and females have been known to cover their lower hind-limbs with furry pouches called "ug-boots." While the wild population of Bogans is dwindling, it is still possible to view them in their natural environment. The species has been known to congregate around regional "shopping malls", where family units often come to settle domestic issues using high-pitched wailing sounds.
After sunset, younger males and females meet in small dark enclaves known "Taverns" where they consume large amounts of a liquid called "Bourbon." There are numerous factors attributed to the decline of the local Bogan population. Scientists have identified the unpopularity of stadium rock as a contributing cause, while the development of adequate social infrastructure (ie. schools, medium density housing) may have fragmented the species. More controversial theories suggest many bogans may have removed their mullets, purchased "cargo pants" and attempted to integrate themselves in Melbourne's mainstream population, but these claims are yet to be substantiated.
At present there seems little hope of restoring the Bogan population to its previous levels. Recent attempts by the Federal Government have included the development of a new artificial habitat in outer Melbourne named "Sunbury", but it seems this area may be too close to civilised air travel to attract large numbers of the species. More successful has been an enclosed breeding program in Canberra called "Summernats", which takes place annually at the National Exhibition complex in Watson. The program has proven highly effective, combining motor vehicles and bourbon with rampant displays of female sexuality. Authorities recently introduced a V8 Supercar race with similar results, and have attracted Bogan elders AC/DC for a brief national visit early next year.
"Standing on your mother's corpse you told me that you'd wait forever." [Bryan Adams: Summer of 69]
The instructions are simple...
After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form as to what remedial action was taken. The pilot then reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers.
> > >(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
> > >(S = The solution/action taken by the engineers.)
> > >P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
> > >S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> > > P: Test flight Okay, except auto-land very rough.
> > >S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> > > P: Something loose in cockpit.
> > >S: Something tightened in cockpit.
> > > P: Dead bugs on windshield.
> > >S: Live bugs on back-order.
> > > P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
> > >S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
> > > P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
> > >S: Evidence removed.
> > >P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
> > >S: DME volume set to more believable level.
> > > P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
> > >S: That's what they're there for.
> > >P: IFF inoperative.
> > >S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
> > > P: Suspected crack in windshield.
> > >S: Suspect you're right.
> > >P: Number 3 engine missing.
> > >S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
> > > P: Aircraft handles funny.
> > >S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
> > > P: Target radar hums.
> > >S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
> > >P: Mouse in cockpit.
> > >S: Cat installed.
> > >P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
> > >S: Took hammer away from midget.
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
I like bikes
Nice
"Not one day that we are here on this earth has been promised to us, so make the most of every day as if it was your last, and every breath ,as if it were the same"
Here for the arcade.
The instructions are simple...
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the
animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of
the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to
getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of
our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less
NOW --------
Enough of that crap . . .
The donkey later came back, and bit the shit out of the farmer who had
tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer
eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?
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