Rethink your Job

**Riff Raff** · 7th January 2005, 12:10

Of course i luff you my tarling, you a plati top notch pird,
And when i say you're korgeous, i mean effery single word.
So your pum iss on ta pig side, i don't mind a bit of flab,
it mean tat when i holt you, tere's somefing tere to crab!
So your pelly isn't flat no more, i tell you i don't care,
so long as when i cuttle you, i can ket my arms round tere.
No kirl who iss your age, haf such nice round pretty preasts,
dey chust gave in to cravity, but i know you did your pest!
I tell you ta troof now, i neffer tell you lies,
i fink it's very sexy dat you cot timples in you fighs.
I swear on my muddah's grafe tat ta moment tat we met,
i fought dat you were as kood as i was effer konna ket.
no matter what you look like, i'll always luff you deer,
now shurrup while da rukapee's on, and ket me some plati PEER!

**Coyote** · 7th January 2005, 12:18

**Skunk** · 12th January 2005, 08:47

Married Mens Mag...

**Skunk** · 12th January 2005, 08:49

**Skunk** · 12th January 2005, 20:09

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Get the last word in: Apologise. :eyepoke:

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

**Skunk** · 15th January 2005, 18:24

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.

The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.

With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman... and your brother!

**RiderInBlack** · 20th January 2005, 06:34

Now that's the kind of encouragement I like to see. Mmm, NZ. I wonder if it was anyone we know

**Riff Raff** · 20th January 2005, 18:45

Despite the degradation, I just had to post these:

**MSTRS:Me** · 20th January 2005, 19:39

. . . .

**MSTRS:Me** · 20th January 2005, 19:41

Guys - don't look

**Skunk** · 20th January 2005, 21:17

During an international gynaecology conference, an English doctor and a French doctor were discussing unusual cases they had treated recently.

"Only last week" the Frenchman said "a woman came to see me with a clitoris like a melon!"

"Don't be absurd" the Brit exclaimed. "It couldn't have been that big. My God, man, she wouldn't have been able to walk if it were."

"Ahh, you English, always thinking about size" replied the Frenchman. "I was talking about the flavour!"

**Blakamin** · 20th January 2005, 21:25

Originally Posted by Skunk

During an international gynaecology conference, etc...

Brilliant!!

**MSTRS:Me** · 20th January 2005, 21:58

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why:

The population of NZ 4 million. 1.5 million are retired. That leaves 2.5 million. There are 1 million in school, which leaves 1.5 million to do the work. Of this there are .25 million employed by the government, leaving 1.25 million to do the work. .1 Million are in the armed forces preoccupied with doing what ever little Johnny has being told to do. Which leaves 1.15 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 1.1 million people who work in unproductive jobs, and that leaves 50,000 people to do the work. At any given time there are 28,000 people in hospitals, leaving 22,000 people to do the work. Now, there are 21,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me. And there you are sitting on your arse, at your computer, reading jokes. Nice, real nice...

**Skunk** · 21st January 2005, 08:46

Got to put in a message eh?

**Clockwork** · 22nd January 2005, 06:34

(Please don't view if nudity offends.)

1) click on the link below

2) Click on the picture, and drag it a little to the right,

or left, or

up, right .. what ever you prefer! and then drop it and watch.

http://www.mxfiles.kneib.biz/drag_an...k_spezial.html

ps This worked on me!