Rethink your Job

**Clockwork** · 22nd January 2005, 06:44

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture of handcuffs.

**RiderInBlack** · 24th January 2005, 06:58

It's not difficult. To make a woman happy a man only needs to be :

1. a friend

2. a companion

3. a lover

4. a brother

5. a father

6. a master

7. a chef

8. an electrician

9. a carpenter

10. a plumber

11. a mechanic

12. a decorator

13. a stylist

14. a sexologist

15. a gynaecologist

16. a psychologist

17. a pest exterminator

18. a psychiatrist

19. a healer

20. a good listener

21. an organiser

22. a good father

23. very clean

24. sympathetic

25. athletic

26. warm

27. attentive

28. gallant

29. intelligent

30. funny

31. creative

32. tender

33. strong

34. understanding

35. tolerant

36. prudent

37. ambitious

38. capable

39. courageous

40. determined

41. true

42. dependable

43. passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. give her compliments regularly

45. love shopping

46. be honest

47. be very rich

48. not stress her out

49. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself

51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself

52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY :

1. Shag him

2. Leave him in peace

**Riff Raff** · 24th January 2005, 07:26

Originally Posted by RiderInBlack

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Shag him

2. Leave him in peace

**Skunk** · 24th January 2005, 10:31

Sadie and Yetta, two widows, are talking:

Sadie: "That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."

Yetta: "Vell.... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctual like a clock. An like such a mench he is dressed. Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers you could die for. Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but such a beautiful car, a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur and all.

Then he takes me out for a dinner. Marvelous dinner. Lobster even. Den ve go see a show... let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it so much I could just die from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment, and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!"

Sadie: "Oy! Vey... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?"

Yetta: "No... I'm just saying that if you go, wear an old dress."

**Skunk** · 24th January 2005, 16:13

The first time we ever made love I said 'Am I the first man that ever made love to you?'

She said, 'You could be. You look damn familiar.'

**Skunk** · 24th January 2005, 16:18

Originally Posted by Riff Raff

That's not funny; it's true. Why are you laughing.

**Yokai** · 24th January 2005, 16:21

Show up naked ....
with beer.

**Ms Piggy** · 25th January 2005, 07:09

"With all the lawsuits going on, I want to get in on some of that action. I
hear people are suing cigarette companies because they got cancer and others
are suing McDonalds because they either burn themselves or got fat."

Lawyer: "And which one of those categories do you fit under?"

Woman: "Neither. I just want to know if I can sue Lindauer for all the ugly
men I've slept with?"