Rethink your Job

[HDTboy]

Starfish don't have brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

Are we talking marine animal, or sexual position with a lazy partner?

[HDTboy]

An oldie but a goodie

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees.

One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.

He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?"

The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight"

The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition: You cannot mess around with my granddaughter"

The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning."

The old Chinese man counters "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to man."

"Ok, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life?

Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.

That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience."

Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest".

"What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right testicle".

The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost".

[Jay widda 150]

ALL so brillient

[HDTboy]

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they
find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit
onto the bus.

The husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the
husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as
he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a
piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is
driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of
YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus"

[Jay widda 150]

ladie walks into the drycleaners and says "i want my shirt cleaned" the deaf clerk says "come again?" the ladie says "no yoghurt this time"

[Ramius]

I lived there for 25 years and never heard about any....

In fact, it is much more legal than adultery

Because I have no life at the moment, I did a quick search, and it appears that in some communities of Indoneisa, Masturbation is illegal. However, I can't find what the official penalty is.

[MSTRS:Me]

I lived there for 25 years and never heard about any....

In fact, it is much more legal than adultery

May or may not be true. So what. In the US there are some weird laws too - like one I heard it is illegal to sneeze or cough whilst in church in Alabama (I think it was)

[Ramius]

May or may not be true. So what. In the US there are some weird laws too - like one I heard it is illegal to sneeze or cough whilst in church in Alabama (I think it was)

http://sbt.bhmedia.com/laws.html

There are some stupid ones for you.

[Waylander]

May or may not be true. So what. In the US there are some weird laws too - like one I heard it is illegal to sneeze or cough whilst in church in Alabama (I think it was)

That one is true, it is also illegal to carry a child in a basket through Hell, Arizona. And some states in the new england area it is illegal for a horse to chew gum. Go figure.

[MSTRS:Me]

That one is true, it is also illegal to carry a child in a basket through Hell, Arizona. And some states in the new england area it is illegal for a horse to chew gum. Go figure.

I guess all laws had a reasonable application at the time they were introduced. Pity so many never get repealed. Mind you, gives us something to chuckle over. BTW what happened to your horse. 30 days hard labour or the busticket?

[Waylander]

I guess all laws had a reasonable application at the time they were introduced. Pity so many never get repealed. Mind you, gives us something to chuckle over. BTW what happened to your horse. 30 days hard labour or the busticket?

Hmm I think the rider gets 30 days in the local drunk tank and the horse gets impounded then auctioned off.

lol, I don't know mate I've never been to new england. I just remember there being a book about silly laws like that in the states and that was one of the ones I remember from it. Wish I still had it cause there were some crazy ones from the government-up-thier-arse.

[Ramius]

May or may not be true. So what. In the US there are some weird laws too - like one I heard it is illegal to sneeze or cough whilst in church in Alabama (I think it was)

Omaha, Nebraska

[Hitcher]

Omaha, Nebraska

Gezundheit!

[MSTRS:Me]

Omaha, Nebraska

Gezundheit!

Bless you, as my granma would have said

[Wolf]

Bless you, as my granma would have said

The English say "Bless you" owing to the belief that a sneeze is the expulsion of a demon. The French say "A tes souhaites" because they think a sneeze presages a wish coming true. Only the Germans have the intellect to realise you are ill and wish you good health.

Face it, the English and French are nothing but a pack of superstitious heathens huddling in the dark - makes you wonder why they fought each other for so long, considering their obvious similarities