One for all you evil bastards out there

**moko** · 24th June 2004, 05:48

I`ve been having a bit of a problem with 5 of my neighbours over the last couple of years,long story that I wont bore you with.The time has come when enough is enough and they`ve got to go.Violence is out,purely on the grounds that I dont really want hassle with the law.Got a few ideas but I`d like some more on how to give these folks a really hard time,trust me I`m the wronged party here.Basically I want ideas on how to totally piss them off in a subtle but effective way.1`s actually moving because "he no longer feels safe" but I dont want to go too far down the intimidation route and at the moment I`m in the right,they`re in the wrong as the long,slow process of the law will prove.They`re already scared being used to hassling old ladies and not getting any comeback.Anyone got any good wind-ups,piss-offs or downright dirty deeds of no more than a law-stretching nature then I`m open to suggestions.Please dont waste your time with "just leave it" posts cos I just aint made that way,these people are going,they just dont know it yet.

**wari** · 24th June 2004, 06:04

I'll sleep onit today moko ...

lets see what my dream time comes upwith ...

**jrandom** · 24th June 2004, 07:16

'Warm up' the Fazer with open headers for half an hour every morning before sunrise.

**Firefight** · 24th June 2004, 07:38

Well far from telling you to leave it, I feel sure that a few of the more devious(sp?) kiwis here may have some good ideas. Naturally anything I suggest would just be the result of an overworked imagination which is bought on by many hours at my work doing nothing waiting for shit to happen, and I feel sure that anyone who knows me, would attest to the fact that I would never do any of the following......

1), Wait till at time they are out and have a truck load of chicken shit delived on to their front lawn

.

2) Ring up and order a large bit of earthmoving equipment to do a job in there back yard

3) You can resort to the good old ringing in the early hours of the morning and asking some obscure question.

4) Ring an escort service, (male

or female) and book a out call, (I think thats what its called) to their house.

5) Tip the cops off too the possability of some form of illeagal actvity at the houses.

6)Depending on how pissed off your were you could borrow a D8 bulldozer, armour plate it and bulldoze their fucking houses down, may have a bit of prob with the law ?

7) May be some obscure by bylaw hidden in some dusty old council back room that may allow you to turn you own home into a conmune(sp?)provided of course you donate a small fee to said. council.

8) Ring green peace,

and see if they could use your front room as a regional HQ, for some"Stop dumping toxic waste"" campagin.

Thats should keep you going for a bit, good luck

F/F

**RiderInBlack** · 24th June 2004, 07:50

First you need to know what their likes and dislikes are, and then play on those.

eg:

if they are in to late night parties, and heavy music; try early morning (7am-ish) positive affermation music (whale, birds, and stream sounds with sickly sweet stuff playig in the background) or load Classic.
if they are not relidgious, get some JW's to visit regularly or fill their letter box with "Watch Tower" type pamphets.
if they are tidy freaks; don't mower your lawn or shave, wear scruffy clothes, leave dishes in you sink, etc., and then invite them around for dinner (sniffing and then spitting, scratching your ass or drooling would add to the effect).

Or you could really freak them out by being overly nice to them

**Deano** · 24th June 2004, 08:30

Turn the toby right down so they get feck all water pressure.

Stuff a large carrot etc up their waste pipes to block their sinks.

Loud but short duration noise in the middle of the night is a right biatch, but don't upset any innocent neighbours. Anyone remember 'roof rattling' with gravel as kids...

Throw some dead animals under the house, especially fish waste - it stinks.

**Deano** · 24th June 2004, 08:32

Oh yeah, do they have a teenage daughter...........nuff said.

**Firefight** · 24th June 2004, 08:35

Originally Posted by Deano

Oh yeah, do they have a teenage daughter...........nuff said.

Nice one

F/F

Al · 24th June 2004, 08:43

Pee into a bottle, lean bottle against front door of neighbour........ Door opens in the morning and there is a stream of yellow liquid flowing into their hallways. Also the old schoolboy trick of wrapping sh*t up in newspaper, leaving at front door, light paper, ring doorbell and RUN.
:sneaky2:

**Wenier** · 24th June 2004, 09:42

Originally Posted by Deano

Oh yeah, do they have a teenage daughter...........nuff said.

hahah beautiful thats a crack up.

With the gravel one if they have a corogated iron roof and access to a helicopter and long chains you can drag the chains over the roof and make a hell of a noise

**bluninja** · 24th June 2004, 09:53

Hmmmmm...had a problem with a neighbour a long time ago....long and short of it was that they called the police and naval provost to get a party shut down. As it was a terraced brick built house we decided to put some 'shelves' up for a month. We used an impact drill on a piece of wood on the partition wall and every friend would help us by putting a shelf up when they came around.

We also watered the garden with a sprinkler hose whenever their washing was out.

A few months later we had a shelves completed party and no bother at all

**Quasievil** · 24th June 2004, 09:55

Well I could send around my Henchmen for you grab your neighbours and throw them into my purpose built tank complete with Sharks with Freckin Laser beams tied to their heads.

I can blow up their houses with my "laser beam" for no apparent reason?

you decide

**Motu** · 24th June 2004, 09:58

Originally Posted by THE UMFAAN

Also the old schoolboy trick of wrapping sh*t up in newspaper, leaving at front door, light paper, ring doorbell and RUN.
:sneaky2:

Oh dear,that reminds me of how low I stooped in the neighbour feud thing - his doggies barked and cried all day and night when he was away,then when let off came straight over and dumped huge smelly turds on my lawn - so I picked then all up and deposited them on the step to his caravan...I heard him come home that night,but no more doggie poo....

**Dr Bob** · 24th June 2004, 10:31

Stay away from the whole phoning up on their behalf thing unless you de-phone id your phone.

Do the next door neighbours rent or own? It makes a big difference.

Go for legal stuff first - Spraying sulphar based garden remedies or fish based fertiliser on plants or fences next to their living areas can be fairly useful.

You can contact noise control for any reason, it doesn't have to be a stereo. If they have a party and they talk to loud you can contact noise contol - on the other hand they can do this as well. However, when someone contacts noise control, the noise officer asks the person to phone back after 30 minutes to see if it is still noisy, if it isn't then they cancel the job. If it is still noisy the officer schedules a visit, if there is no noise evident then they go away. Therefore you should crank up the volume for 15 minutes and then be quiet for an hour, then crank it up again etc. This will drive them completely crazy, especially if you have directional speakers that focus on thier bedroom.

**Hitcher** · 24th June 2004, 11:39

Order them a truckload of coal. About three tonnes would be about right. Drive a peg in their driveway that says "dump here" shortly before the prearranged delivery time.

Ring up Telecom and change their phone number. Make it unlisted.