Mother nature has declared war on me.

[Oakie]

I don't know what I've done wrong but mother nature keeps throwing shit at me this last week.
Started last week returning to my bike from a hospital visit. Walking up to the bike when from the left this black streak flew towards the side of the bike at about 200kph and a metre off the ground. Hardly had time to form the thought that it (a blackbird) was like a Lancaster bomber skimming a Ruhr Valley lake about to deliver a Barnes Wallis bouncing bomb when lo and behold he opened his birdy bomb doors and released a bum-bomb right into the side of my seat. Bastard!
Attack number two ... was on Friday when I went for my usual luchtime stroll down by the Heathcote river and watched a couple of fish for a while. I got back to the office and sat at my desk ... and "phew ...who did that?!"... I thought to myself. Smelling the familiar smell of dog shit I carefully looked at the sole of my shoe expecting to see a small amount of dog poo hanging there ... but no. Some prick must have taken his pet elephant for a walk along the river as the biggest jobbie I've ever seen was well attached to my shoe. Unfortunately my shoes have real deep tread so it took me about 10 minutes in the toilet with a big paper clip cleaning out the treads before I could show my face in the office again without my two female co-workers thinking I had developed some nasty personal habits. Bastard!
Final attack today. Doing the same walk by the river but being clever I walked on the footpath instead with eyes down so as to spot any 'landmines' well in advance. I was looking in the wrong direction. I felt a thwack on my head and as I told myself it couldn't be ... my fingers running through my hair hit a messy glob and I had to accept the truth. Dive bombed by a feckin' sparrow. Prick had obviously used my thinning crown as a target and hit me right in the middle. Bastard!
I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

[chanceyy]

lmfao .. mate glad it was you & not me ..

sorry i would have given green but you know have to spread rep blah blah

but thanks you really made me laff

[Swampdonkey]

Know how your feelin oakie,had a couple of calls the other morning.I was in my ute heading to work ,when a kamakaze duck came at me and clean ripped my wing mirror off leaving it dangling down the side,shithouse.....Then a couple of hours later a thrush flew into my shed smacking into the window, so i rescue it clean the cobwebs off and set it down outside ...only to watch it up and smack clean into another window this time causing its demise.....i think ill leave that conservation shite to the professionals.....

[slimjim]

bugger dude

[pervert]

Man I hate birds...so much...

[Oakie]

And what did 'tomorrow' bring? Well no turds hit me today that I'm aware of but when I went to put on my wet weather gear this morning I found huge rips (30cm) on each side from the armpit down. I can understand one rip appearing but identical rips at the same time is pushing it a bit. Termites perhaps?

[Al]

Oakie, mate, thanks for the giggle!

Al