Observations from Thailand Part 1

**Black Bandit** · 3rd December 2006, 23:43

As some may know, I've decided to take a wee break from the rat race. Currently touring Thailand, I thought I'd share my experience with you fine folk at KB.

Arrived at midnight and OMG it's hot here. 32 degrees and not a breath of air. Traffic is insane, nice big roads with open road limit of 120 km/h but it seems that this is only a "guide-line". Most seem to be going much faster than that. Saw a massive pile up in the other lane on my way in from the airport. Actually most traffic norms seem to be a taken as a guide-line in Thailand. Ride on the left as long as nobody has parked in the left lane - then simply pull out into oncoming traffic which seems acceptable as long as you smile and wave.

Many opt for motorbikes - definately the quickest way around town. Although take the term "motorbike" with a pinch of salt - didn't see anything over 150 cc (the POPO ride on 200 cc Tigers

) but boy can these lads lane split

. Wearing helmets is rare, usually seen placed in the front basket of said scooter. Saw a few race rep 125 cc which look positively sporting next to the generic step-throughs and a few Vespas. The traffic lights have count-down meters, those are cool. You can see how long the light will be red/green for and as they are about to change everyone starts to rev their engines in anticipation - it's like a GP!

Went for a walk this morning - I do not understand the Thai psyche??? The following is the Thai recipe for business success:
1. Make a hole in a wall - this becomes the doorway for store.
2. Choose a product line - let's say buckets - and cram as much shit as is humanly possible into the 5x5 floor space. Leave just enough space to get in and out of the store.
3. Place a small vase with water and a lilly plant and some fish in the front of the store - I have no idea what purpose they serve and nobody seems to know or understand what I'm talking about when I asked.
4. Hang around in store and hope somebody buys something. After a week go and find some more shit to stuff in store cause nobody is buying your shit.
5. Oh, very important to ensure that you set up store next door to someone who is selling exactly the same shit as you.

I'm not joking when I say that there is a 5 story building with about 2000 5x5 stalls selling the same techno PC, cameras, video cameras, pirated DVDS and other shit in every store!!!! I'm all for competition but how can this be sustainable? It is madness

The pollution in this city is extreme.

Walked over a river/canal today and almost started gagging - the smell was revolting and the water was a thick black soup meandering through the buildings. The skyline is grey from the smog, many folk wear masks as they travel through the streets. Even the dogs are grey from the exaust fumes - usually dogs are pretending to be throw rugs trying to put as much skin area against the cooler concrete floor.

That's probably enough for now, I'll try and update daily when possible.

**Dilligaf** · 4th December 2006, 13:34

Ahhhh memories... lived there for 6 years....
BTW the water lily / fish thing is to do with fung shui - good luck blah blah

**Biohazard** · 4th December 2006, 13:38

Originally Posted by Dilligaf

BTW the water lily / fish thing is to do with fung shui - good luck blah blah

Ooooo i c, now what do you get if you serve said fishies with chips ?

**Macktheknife** · 4th December 2006, 13:53

I loved Bangkok! cool place to be, very humid and hot but awesome. Found an Irish pub that served the best potato soup I've ever had, a KFC that gives you knife and fork with your order, a pizza place that did everything thai on pizza, and tried some very interesting food from the street vendors!
Quick tip, if you can't identify what you are about to eat, don't even ask. Best to watch them from a distance too and see how many locals eat the stuff, plenty=ok.
Gotta go to the markets and patpong! (sp)
Watch out for the bars with the 'girlies' and low flying table tennis balls! lol Great show to watch but don't 'touch' anything.
Also try a genuine thai massage from a reputable place, wonderful stuff. Enjoy

**Black Bandit** · 5th December 2006, 01:55

Folks in Bangkok are very late risers, I guess it's something to do with the climate but it's a bastard when suffering with jet-lag and waking up at 04:00 am, only to find that the shopping centres only open at 10:30 am!!

Luckily there's plenty to do on the streets as the markets there do not seem to follow the same time-table. Really easy to grab a cheap meal here but sometimes you win and sometimes you lose wrt what you get. Some things are tolerable, some end up in the bin. Love the chicken kebabs, they're scrummy

.

Taxi's are the most expensive way to get around town, and slow. It took 45 mins to travel 8 km through traffic. Subsequently discovered the rail systems - what a great idea. There's a skytrain which travels about 4 stories above the streets, aircon and all and it only costs $1 to go from one side of the city to the other. Similar subway system exists but takes a different route.

If anybody approaches you in Bankok they are out to "help you empty your pockets". The questions are always the same - "Hello" , "Where you from?", "How long you stay?", "Where you staying now?" (this final question allows them to assess how much dosh you have to burn!) Next there comes some lame offer to show you a great bargain. I tend to vary my responses just to make life interesting. The Tuk Tuk drivers are the worst. What a gutless POS the lowly Tuk Tuk is. If you get in one and ask to go somewhere you will spend the next 2 hrs noisily bubbling from business to business that has made a deal with the drivers and offer free petrol vouchers if they bring tourists to visit.

Went to this enormous street market ... 200 000 people! Everything under the sun was for sale. Make sure you top up on plenty of home-made ice-cream

. The weirdest part was the live animal section. Chickens, cats, dogs, squirrels on leads, rabits, lizards, all sorts of fish in plastic bags, horse-shoe crabs, shrimp, crickets (some of these ended up in the deep fryer in the food stall next door

), blood worms ... endless.

If you are a shop-a-hollic then this will be paradise for you. Me, not so much into shopping so it's time to leave this hectic city and head for the Andaman coast.

**Biff** · 5th December 2006, 02:24

Biffs advice on Bangkok:

1. Tuk tuks are brilliant fun after a few beers at 3 in the morning. Imagine Sega Ralley, without brakes.
2. Make sure you actuually get what you paid for. There's an awful lot of 'pretty' boys out there trying to make a living. Allegedly.
3. Two for the price of one is worth it. Even though their idea of two for the price of one usually means 2 for the price of 1 and a half ish. Allegedly.
4. Don't post what you get up to in Bangkok if you've a wife/partner at home in NZ. Trust me.
5. The shows are pretty weird. Ok - pulling fairy lights out of a womans **** may not be your idea of sexy. But it's worth a look just so you can wonder where she plugs them in.
6. Visit a dance bar. Let a pretty lady sit next to you, even if you don't want to buy her a drink etc. You'll get a free dick rub out of it anyway. Allegedly.
7. At this point I relalise that you're there for the culture. Sorry.

Enjoy. And wear your gum boots.

Never, in the history of human civilisation, has a city been so aptly named. Allegedly.

**jetboy** · 5th December 2006, 06:43

I like the way they drive/ride over there.

**quackquack** · 5th December 2006, 14:44

I have to agree about have a look at the shows all a good laugh a talent that opened my eyes was shooting a banana out of the women and her catching it in her mouth even my wife thought that was worth a tip.

The tuk-tuk drivers are out to rip you off they get paid more to take you to the stores than you will give them
'
Get out of BanCock as fast as you can the islands are way more fun and rent a bike you will have a great time and just follow the locals it is just wild what laws they choose to ignore and if you don't they will ram into you cause the are used to everyone running lights and the rest

**Black Bandit** · 6th December 2006, 02:00

Ahh yes, Patpong

. Let's just say it was a short, expensive and disappointing evening ... and I can't wait to go again

.

After a 15 hr bus trip down from Bankok I'm completely shagged. Never again, what was I thinking of

. Trust me, if you can take the plane ... Unfortunately I bought a package tour which included return bus trip to Bangkok but screw it, I'll cut my losses and take the air ticket back.

The roads are awsome, at least 2 lanes all the way down for miles. The two roads travelling north and south are often separated by at least 200 - 400 m so less chance for a head-on crash. Problem is the patch work tar-seal repairs. They would put dirt roads to shame they're so rough and a nightmare when you're trying to catch some shut-eye on the loopy bus trip

.

I've rented a mint CBR400 RR for only $12/day !!!

. How could I say no to that! Well, actually the gearbox is pretty tired - engaging false neutral in any gear you like, but goes like .... Weeeeee. Armed with nothing more than a poorly fitted helmet I decided to take a day trip over to Phuket. I thought it would only be about 100 km but turned out to be more than twice that. Oh well, I didn't wind it off the clock ... much

. What a blast, consider the step up transition from two-fiddy to 400 done, bring on a 6 hundy

. They even had R1's for rent in Phuket

but I'm not brave enough for that. Cage drivers in Thailand are not used getting OWNED by motorcylists ... the look on their faces

. It's a thirsty bastard though - ran her dry on the way back. Luckily the grocery store across the street sold petrol in glass coke bottles

.

So the scenery down here is much better than Bangkok, sea breeze allows for cooler evenings so it's all good.

**Winston001** · 6th December 2006, 10:18

Sounds like you are having a great time. I've just returned from India and your description of hole-in-the-wall shops and pollution in Bangkok is very familiar. However looking past that and seeing how the people live can be fascinating. There is no WINZ office - every day is a scrabble to survive. So have some sympathy for the people who try to prise a few dollars from you - they are very poor and doing whatever they can to survive.

Having said that, my experience of third world countries is that people are friendly, kind and generally honest. Sometimes you have to get away from the cities to see this. Just remember that you are wealthy (even if you aren't) compared to them.

FWIW, treat the locals with respect, smile with them, and have a laugh, even as you say No! Keep up the excellent reports.

**jetboy** · 6th December 2006, 11:47

your description of hole-in-the-wall shops and pollution in Bangkok is very familiar

...damn i heard other stories about holes in walls in shops....

**Dilligaf** · 6th December 2006, 12:26

Ahh yes, Patpong. Let's just say it was a short, expensive and disappointing evening ... and I can't wait to go again

Disappointing? Well yes, I reckon, but only because this woman could draw a better picture than I could using my hand

.... realised I really did have no talent....

Be careful on those roads, we used to think that the local hospitals bought old road salting machines cheap from Europe and deliberately put some grit down round the corners....

**Black Bandit** · 7th December 2006, 03:05

Late yesterday I went to a Snake Show. Huge cobras with some insane "snake man" playing with these beasts. They assure me they have only has one death in the last 4 years

, reassuring hey? Initially I thought that they must be defanged or something but he then picked one up and proceeded to milk it's venom into a glass

. Also went to this fish farm with huge catfish (1 - 2m), seen similar in Africa but there we called them Barbel. Quite fun feeding them though, when you first approach the pond there doesn't appear to be anything there but as soon as you throw a bit of fish food in the water boils with writhing slimy bodies as they rise from the cool depths. The enterprising Thai's never fail to amaze - although entry to the fish farm was free, some young girls had a small table at the entrance to the fish farm selling small bags of fish food for 20 Bht. About 50 m on there was another stand with an older women selling bags twice the size for 10 Bht

. Lost count the times I've been ripped off - at least it's only funny money.

Well, Ao Nang Bay is very scenic and quiet but I'm after a bit more activity and excitement so it's back to Phuket Island next (this time via the sea route).

I've just had the best day so far. Started off with a speed boat trip out to the Islands for some snorkelling on the coral reefs (I could have spent all day there - it really is crystal clear, just like swimming in an aquarium), then visited Maya Bay (where "The Beach") was filmed, then stopped on Phi Phi Island for lunch (a truely sobering and chilling reminder of the power of the Tsunami several years ago, the island is still in rebuild and recovery mode where much of the beach front was scowered clean by the waves), then on a ferry to Phuket Island. This place is buzzing, much more my scene with loads of activity and people and I've just had the best seafood meal ever for $10.

**Black Bandit** · 8th December 2006, 22:51

Well things have completely slowed down since arriving in Patong on Phuket Island. Part of me wishes I'd started here and just kicked back and relaxed for my whole stay in Thailand. But of course I would have missed out on heaps of other cool things. It's a complete hedonistic playground with every luxury and whim catered for. Trouble is there are some seriously highrollers in this resort and consequently general goods and meals are more expensive here than anywhere else I've been in Thailand.

First night here I hooked up with a Thai crowd and went out on the town. These folks are major party animals and I find myself struggling to keep up. They only hit the clubs at 23:30 and go hard until 04:00. (we must have visited about 7 clubs

, from rock pub to live bands to table dancers) Slept until 14:00 and then crawled to beach for some sun. You can rent a deck chair and cold drinks are served to you as and when required. Ahhh, bliss. For adrenaline junkies there are jetskis and paragliding from behind speed boats, or for a more laid back approach you can hire a dingy and sail around the bay. I find it sufficient to just lay back and soak up the sun. Although I find the motorbike rentals singing the siren song again ... we'll see.

This will be my final post, with two more days here at Patong Beach I then head away from Thailand. It has been an extraordinary time and I would highly recommend you set some dosh aside to do it yourself some time. Hell, if I can arrange it, I'll be back next year

.

**Black Bandit** · 5th February 2007, 11:24

OK. so I lied ... part 5 wasn't my final post. Having returned to Aotearoa I wanted to post up a couple of snaps I took in Thailand. First a few shots from Bangkok.

1: Bangkok traffic from the seat of a slow-ass taxi ride. You can't see the budha's on the dashboard but he must have had about 10 at least. I guess you need all the help you can get driving in this traffic!
2: Typical Bangkok sidewalk ... first a standard store, then a sidewalk stall, then another sidewalk stall and finally the road. Sensory overload!
3: Umm ... where did I park my scooter again???
4: Bangkok sunset through the hazy grey sky.