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Last edited by marty; 12th December 2006 at 09:29. Reason: too fucking wanky
One, two free, floor!
bling on it's way
'nuff said
$2,000 cash if you find a buyer for my house, kumeuhouseforsale@straightshooters.co.nz for details
Off the wagon
OMG!!I'm a Retrosexual man!
You just described me to a T!
Off the wagon
Wanky shmanky....put it back!!Originally Posted by marty
seeming how you didn't say please, here it is:
This is for the real blokes out there to pass on to all the blokes who nowdays think it is cool to be a metro. Bring back our masculinity - stop being a bunch of pussies who have far too much gel in their hair and smell and look like chicks.
Something to ponder over a skinny decaf frapachino:
The Code:
A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tyre, break-in into your home, or
a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you
live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and
drinking, I salute you. If you are still having sex, you are a God.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women
have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need deodorant and
shaving gear - that's it!! No hair gel / wax! Zip, zilch, nyet, none - ever!
A Retrosexual does not dress like a homeboy with baggy pants that look like
he's shat himself, or with a gay chain from pocket to pocket. If wearing a
hat, wear it correctly - not on the side like a faggot. Blokes and necklaces
(unless you are an Australian fast bowler) are out!
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be.
This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "Queer" in the title.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbours screw up rooms in his house on
national TV.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women.
Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you
becoming a handbag carrying little puss, and in the long run, she ain't
worth it.
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress
such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak BBQ
accident, favourite sports team being moved to a different city, favourite
dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't
pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed
up, he DEALT with you.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to
conceal himself from prey.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY
a Windsor knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
This does not include males who have had cosmetic surgery.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a
nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be
rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled
with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's
just plain fun to fire one off in the direction of those people or things
that just need a little "wakin' up".
Crying. There are very few reasons that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of
them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams
are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is
swearing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry
include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish
or cats do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part, or
loss of major body part on your truck.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a
pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that retrosexual stands up and
offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men
still in their seats with a disgusted "you rude pricks" look on his face.
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not
understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the
acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious
healthy relationship - i.e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting,
cigars, car maintenance and drinking piss with the boys.
A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants.
Wherever it lands is where he bloody well wanted it to land. Except on his
truck--that would happen because of a "force of nature", and then the
retrosexual man's option is to DEAL with IT.
A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any
elderly person.
A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough.
A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does
something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the
process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT!
For whom the bell tolls
LOL... now thats what im talking about
KiwiBitcher
where opinion holds more weight than fact.
It's better to not pass and know that you could have than to pass and find out that you can't. Wait for the straight.
Motorcycling Wanabee
I'm completely retro then... except for the hair gel bit. But hey not to bad for a sixteen year old
Blood - just give it!
Hmmm... if my air rifle counts as a gun, I'm a perfect Retrosexual...
At the 2007 Westpac Ride:
Donor: So ya glad you're a Biker?
Minnie: F**k yeah!
Hardcore Biker
a dying breed aye. seems the new craze is metrosexual or homosexual!
Don Vito
I like it...except for this one.
Surely a retrosexual wouldn't be using dirty-ass public transport because he would be man enough to have his own vehicle...
"I'm gonna get to the bottom of this, and I dont give a fuck if you're at the top!!!"
Impromtu gravity attacks
We're all dying, its just a matter of when...
Seriuosly tho, I never knew I had a label, I'm not sure whether to be pleased or embarassed now
Hardcore Biker
Say it isnt so!We're all dying, its just a matter of when...
Rest In Peace
Where do I find one???
Actions speak louder than words or good intentions
He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up. - Paul Keating
e mare libertas
We're all taken, because the bitches love us.
kiwibiker is full of love, an disrespect.
- mikey
One hell of a ride.
I think that's pretty cool.
Not into guns or slaughtering my own meat and have never cried about a machine.
Nothing about capable sportsman? - no matter what the sport retrosexual can play it or will have a go.
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