sung to Gloria Gaynor's famous song...
MALE VERSION
First I was afraid I was petrified
At the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
I would've drunk a little less, I would've tried
to keep my head.
If I'd known for just one second you'd assault
me in your bed…
I tried to go, walk out the door
But you've been sitting on my legs and I can't feel
them anymore
And now you're sitting on my face, my nose has vanished
- not a trace,
I only hope that your big knickers aren't made of liquorice
lace
I want to go, I've got to leave
Before your fat and naked body makes me want to heave
Only hope that no one saw me walking home with such a slut.
God the things that you get up to when you're half cut.
Please let me go, I'm getting scared
There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly breasts
from being bared.
I think that I must have been mad,
God what made me want to court her?
With t*ts that look like Tesco bags I've just filled
up with water
It's time to go, run out the door
She's started hinting she wants sex on her dirty lino
floor
I don't think there's anything worse than the
al-co-hol-ics curse.
I WILL SURVIVE !
To which the girls reply.........
FEMALE VERSION
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
By the ugly w***er that was lying by my side.
I would've drunk a little less, I would've tried
to keep my head,
If I'd know for just one second I'd be in your crusty
bed...
I tried to go, walk out the door.
But I laughed so hard at your small knob that I've fallen
on the floor.
Your butts a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out disgrace,
But I'd rather look at that, than at your F###ing ugly
face...!
I want to go, I've got to leave.
Your talk of chicks and football really makes me want to
heave.
I only know I've got to stop my drinking spirits and
the beer
Coz when I looked at you last night, you looked just like
Richard Gere !
Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
We had the worst sex in the world and you're an ugly p**ck
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at least he's
got a lovely flat
But no I go and trust the booze and now I'm stuck with
you, you tw*t.
It's time to go, run out the door.
You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm going to
have no stupid fun
Coz waking up beside your mug, just makes me want to be a nun
!
I WILL SURVIVE!!
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