For fuckssakes this could only happen to me. Really. I'm not kidding. This shit doesn't happen to anybody else. Ever.
I went to our local shopping centre to have a curry for lunch today, and nature called. I wandered down the corridor to the toilets, and the first one I came across was one of those cubicles that requires a button to be pressed for the door to open. I walked in, waited for the door to close, pressed the red locking button, and proceeded to go my business. After a little while, there was a click and the door opened up to reveal a shocked lady and child standing there, agog, looking at me, who happened to be in a rather compromised position right at that moment. Embarrassed, we all were, the mother and child walked away quickly, and I was left waiting the ten seconds to an eternity for the automatic door to close, as more people passed, peering into my cubicle of terror.
After the required expletives were uttered I pressed the locking button again before returning to the toilet to finished what I started. I mean, I was halfway through my business, and I really wasn't prepared to shuffle down the corridor to find another dunny.
Well, fuck me if the exact same thing didn't happen again twenty seconds later!
The result is two embarrassed ladies (to mitigate my own embarrassment I can only hope that they were quietly impressed - it must have been very quietly though), two small children most likely mentally and emotionally scarred for life who will grow up to be mass murderers or rapists, and a slightly soiled pair of underpants.
I called centre management to inform them of their problem and that as a result I had exposed myself to several of their customers, and also asked that they pass on my apologies should any ladies complain about the dirty depraved skinhead biker who was waving his wanger at them and their trembling kids.
I was offered an apology, an assurance they would fix it, and a coffee voucher.
Coffee?!?!?! Like I ever want to have to visit their demonic fucking toilets again!
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