Depression...

[mstriumph]

Finn - be gentle ...... we don't all have your drive and self-reliance and even the best of us stumble sometimes.


how we deal [or don't deal] with things depends on how we view them......

- sometimes it is not in our power to change the circumstances we find depressing, but we can change ourselves to a point where we can live with them or modify them or avoid them

i originally wrote a whole screed in this post about my current work problems [lack of personal satisfaction issues] - just putting them down in black and white gave me an insight into what i need to do to fix them ...............

so - deleted

it reinforces what my grandfather used to tell me - don't focus on the problem in isolation - focus on yourself in the context of the problem ..... because you are the best resource you have for dealing with it

circumstances don't make us unhappy .... WE make OURSELVES unhappy because we are failing to deal with the circumstances

sorry - didn't mean to dribble on ---

[Busy]

Just wait till you get on meds for it. With a lot of the meds a common side effect is your little fella not wanting to get up and come out and play either. It's a real nice hit for your ego!

I wish that happened to me, I'm on the citalopram and a very common side effect is loss of libdo, I must be really screwed up as it's like viagra for me, I just go and go, the missus loves it but after 40+ minutes I give up. Having an orgasm isn't a common happening for me sadly on these.

[Ronin]

I wish that happened to me, I'm on the citalopram and a very common side effect is loss of libdo, I must be really screwed up as it's like viagra for me, I just go and go and go, the missus loves it but after 40+ minutes I just roll over (from boredom). I have "enjoyed it" (if you know what I mean) 3 out of the last 21 times.
I don't get horny, just the erection and I only have the sex to help it go down.
Whats worse is my bike has a vibration in the seat at 100-120kph which doesn't help matters.

More common than you would think on those meds. Sex is all cool but orgasm is an effort.... well more than usual

[ManDownUnder]

So - from the sufferer's point of view - what can those of us supportive types do?

I mean... I know there are causes of depression (an historic event is common enough) and reminders of that can be a trigger. So I expect assistance in dealing with that historic event is key... or a key?

[Disco Dan]

So - from the sufferer's point of view - what can those of us supportive types do?

I mean... I know there are causes of depression (an historic event is common enough) and reminders of that can be a trigger. So I expect assistance in dealing with that historic event is key... or a key?

Try not to put foot in mouth i guess.... another great recipe is to socialise with people who make you laugh.. if all your friends are boring and depressing.. kind of hard to get out of the rat race...

[vifferman]

So, whats the high like on your meds?

The high?
The high is when I feel normal. Like a "real boy" instead of a zombie.
Unfortunately, over the past 6 years or whatever, I've felt like that very few times. And even more unfortunate is that now I know that it's possible to feel OK, it's very frustrating not achieving normality.

Conversely, the times when I feel the most creative and say/write the funniest things are when I feel desperately bad. Sort of Yin/Yang thing, or incipient schizophrenia/bipolarism or summat, I guess.

Pleasant side-effects? Buzzes? Very few of those. Most antidepressant meds are not at all euphoria-inducing, because unlike early meds they don't act on the parts of the brain that endorphins do, and therefore also aren't addictive. However, some (like Effexor/venlafaxine) have such severe withdrawl symptoms that it can take MONTHS to get off them.

As for bad side-effects, apart from sexual dysfunction, these can include disrupted sleep patterns (because they almost all work on serotonin levels), weight gain (and sometimes loss), organ malfunction (liver/kidney/heart/knob), affected eyesight, tremors, sweating, memory impairment, wild mood swings, etc. etc. The worst side-effect is they can cause all the things they're supposed to treat, like suicideation, obsessive-compulsiveness and depression.

I really *hate* it when sometimes I can't remember simple things, like people's names, common words, what I did yesterday, and can't think clearly. I hate it even more that I have no motivation a lot of the time: I want to do things, and know I should do things, but can't be bothered. Or forget to do them.

So - from the sufferer's point of view - what can those of us supportive types do?

This may be different for every person.
I feel very alone, and it's hard for my wife to be my sole supporter, so I guess non-judgemental friendship and an ear are a help.

Depression is a very lonely battle, and can be very isolating, especially as it can sap your self-confidence and make you shun the company of others.

I find it a help to just be with other bikers and talk bikes. Unfortunately, because I feel like a dick (probably because I am a dick - but you knew that!) I tend to not hang out with other bikers but keep to myself. I'm not good company, even for myself, so I feel very lonely most of the time, especially at work, as I have to pretend I'm OK, and don't get too close to people in case I lose it or let slip the fact I'm mentalised/broken.

[Kittyhawk]

The best thing a supportive friend/partner can do is just be there to listen. And carry on with life as normal.

It's hard to open up. The building of trust is a major thing too.

And hugs...lots of hugs, they are there to make you feel safe and secure when down. Knowning there is a shoulder to lean on and a hug nearby is soemthing I cant find words for.

When I meet up with biker mates, I always get hugs. Even if I dont smile on the outside, on the inside there is a spark of a smile.

Its a feeling of being wanted even if you are down, a hug can make a huge world of difference.

[MyGSXF:Me]

And hugs...lots of hugs, a hug can make a huge world of difference.

Hugs make the world go round!!!! & the more, the better!!!

[Clivoris]

It's pretty obvious that I have a bias but are you peeps on medication also accessing some form of talk therapy? Meds by themselves can work well for certain types of depression Cognitive Behavioural therapy or Interpersonal therapy can be equally successful but sometimes have the advantage of lower remission rates. Meds and talk therapy together are the gold standard though. If affording therapy is an issue, and it is for most people, some Primary Health Organisations are able to get access to psychology sessions for their members now. It seems like some of you have been struggling with some serious symptoms and/or side-efects for a while. Might be worth trying some structured therapy.

[avgas]

therapy....why my bike is fine

[MateyPotatey]

http://www.outoftheblue.org.nz/page.php?p=19#24

Is a handy page and they will send you stuff also from the Ministry, helpful bunch, I used to WORK in a hospital, note WORK not reside.

For me, to help, I bought a bike, and now twice a day, an hour of being SHIT SCARED ON THE MOTORWAY IN THE WIND, not sure if its doing anything to lift my mood, but my wife says its DOING WONDERS ON MY ASS CHEEKS....

and 20mg a day of citalopram means I can also "cannot" give a shit how the bitches at work bitch. I think the part where I generally dont bite back REALLY pisses them off!

[Busy]

I have taken myself off the citalopram (60mg) and nortriptyline because they were screwing up my head, actually making me depressed. Second day no meds and side effects/withdrawls are a little easier than building up to 60mg. Motivation is still gone, feels like a have a steel bar in my head that gets ice cold water poured over it, kind of like brain freeze when you scof ice cream - not pleasant.

When I am depressed I just want to be left alone, to be hugged I feel like I am being pitied or something.
I suppose when it's mild it's nice to know someone is there for you but only if it's on my terms (when I'm ready), being forced to talk about it or share thoughts/feelings etc makes one feel less of a person, I suppose to the degree that you feel stupid or "mental".

Kittyhawk mentioned smiling, to me a smile would mean more than a hug, even if I did not return the smile it registers and can mean a lot - actions can often speak louder than words.

Telling someone you have a disability is one thing, telling them you have a mental disability can go one of two ways, complete understanding or rejection. There is still a social stigma out there and being treated with kid gloves shows the person they are scared of you (us).

We are just normal people, just a bit screwed up at times (but everyone has bad days), treat us as normal, don't judge us, don't try to solve all our problems. By all means be a friend, offer support, let them know you are there if ever needed but never push and never feel sorry for us.

Sometimes the meds don't work like they should, giving us ups and downs, don't take it personally if we snap at you, don't want to talk, or just want time alone.

[Curious_AJ]

I want to do something that makes me feel alive... i dont feel real anymore... ive read most of this threadm, people have given some valuable advice... sadly a lot of it i have tried and nothing has helped... as for the "historical" event triggering.. i have that.. and also i have many other triggers.. not so much the historical anymore... it doesnt help that it seems to be in the water either....

[KATWYN]

Did you peeps see on the news late last night that the John Kerwin ads
about depression have had really great results. Theres been a huge amount of people (especially men) asking for help now, I forgot the % increase but it was a big increase - JK is stoked that doing the ads has got the results he wanted for people.

The stats mentioned, were that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will get depression sometime in their lifetime...

[vifferman]

I hope no-one gets bummed out or whatever by me posting this, but I feel like absolute crap today. I know why - it's a combination of being over-tired, work not going well, AaaaarRRthritis troubling me (ever had arthritis in your neck?), and meds not suiting me (which in itself is causing me to not sleep, thus making me tired, which makes me depressed, which means I can't work well, so I take more meds, which stops me sleeping, which makes me tired.... etc etc ad nauseum).

My solution? Self-destructive, like a lot of people who aren't managing their depression effectively, I guess. I decide it's a Bad Mood Day and take the spud out of the Satantune, ride like a wanker to work, disregarding all traffic rules, etc etc. Drink lots of coffee (triple shot on my desk at the moment) to try to kick-start my brain, and feel like running away.

Of course, my wife knows me too well, and when she says, "Have a nice day!" as she heads off, I say, "No, I won't!", and because she's put up with so much of my crap over the last 29 years, she tells me off, rather than giving me a big hug and whispering something nice in my ear. Great...

I just realised having said that, that that would have helped a bit.
A lot, actually.
But it's asking a lot of those around me who are used to my crap.

So what do I do now?

Think happy thoughts?

I'd go for a ride, but I've urgent work to do, and I'd probably plant the VifFerraRi into the side of a bus or summat, and that would never do.

But hey - thanx for allowing me this wee rant - I surprisingly enough feel a LOT better. Maybe it's the coffiend kicking in...
[/rant]