Depression...

[Clivoris]

I'm just glad a boner doesn't actually have bone in it, or life would really suck.

Nothing wrong with your funny bone either.

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Vifferman, my girlfriend was on lithium - have you had experience with this? Here I go foot and mouth disease - on 17 March it is the anniversary of her death. She took herself of meds - fell thru the cracks of the system, but her self hatred/depression was so bad that to work her way out of it was going to be huge and for what? to the state of just struggling to exist. To me that is not life - she didn't think so either and so ended it. I am truly grateful that she is now at peace - she was such a tortured soul. I won't judge anyone that commits suicide - I hear people judge them and think to myself - be grateful that you have never known that soul pain, that you have never ever hurt to that extent. Their comments are born out of ignorance - they say ignorance is bliss - in this regard yes.

I was the only one that knew she planned on taking her life (I just didn't know when) - she could talk openly to me about it, I certainly did not encourage her and she had sure tried to get as much help as she could.

3 weeks before she died I took her to the Cher concert. We had a ball - the whole weekend we talked. I spoke with her 2 weeks before she died and it seemed as if maybe she would make it but in hindsight - she had made her decision and was at peace.

She was the most beautiful person, very attractive, stunning figure, had class, intelligent and to the outside world she appeared very confident. Inside - she totally hated herself, had no confidence. I only saw her cry twice. The last time, I will never ever forget the hopelessness, hurt and confusion in her crying. Yes a real son of a bastard was involved but I won't even go there. Mind you after what I said to him and what I know about him - he knows never to cross my path.

[Curious_AJ]

woah, thats really heart wrenching... and quite close to home... im glad that she is at peace at least... its never good to go through that... ever.. and people who judge are wrong... who are they to judge what they dont know?

[desmo dave]

Know quite a few people who have suffered from depression from one degree to another. All of them where helped by seeking help either medically or phycologically (sic)...I have often thought to myself, if you have to ask the question "Am I depressed?", then chances are you are. The level and severity of that depression is what is hard to measure however.

There is no shame in feeling down or blue every now and again, but persistant feelings of depression need help!

If your doctor doesn't help, go to another doctor, or keep telling people until you get help...

I recently worked on the new John Kirwan commercials where he talks about his battle with depression. They have probably been one of the most worth while things I have ever done...the helpline is meant to be of a very high standard......

good sencible addvice

[ManDownUnder]

.. and people who judge are wrong... who are they to judge what they dont know?

100% on the money - bingo.

[Curious_AJ]

yeah... hay, i finally did something that made me feel alive... at least ... sort of... didnt hurt as much as i possibly would have liked.. but i finally got my tattoo today... fucking awesome... could have hurt a little more though... oh well... the guy was really nice to me... but man... pain... gives you feeling to yourself (its late im a little tired forgive me for the rant) nothing feels real anymore.. but for an hour, it felt real... yet unreal... and it still feels unreal because i have a tat.. and my folks dont know about it.... dont know how to tell them, dont really care, they cant do a thing about it...
went to watch wildhogs as well, was an alright movie... had a bit of whiskey, beer and scrumpy... but still... nothing seems okay... what the hell, i dont get this thing...

[Coyote]

I've got my full! I'm happy as larry

[Steam]

yeah... hay, i finally did something that made me feel alive... ... could have hurt a little more though.... pain... gives you feeling to yourself

I lived with a woman who cut herself all the time, it wasn't suicidal cutting, but instead to give pain to make herself feel real again, to bring her back from the numbness she was in. It's quite common I hear.
Sounds like you AJ.
Unfortunately she always bled a lot so she had to go to hospital every few months!
Finally she found a way to do it so she didn't endanger her life, by swimming for a long time in really cold water, (until she was blue!) and by having really big rubber bands on her wrists and flicking them SNAP! Ouch. Worked though.
Pain without breaking the skin, good strategy for her.

[Curious_AJ]

haha, nah... i used to cut myself.. dont really do it anymore, ive learnt to deal with that.. but you see, i have found a new way of expressing myself.. in art.. on my body and off, its great.. i used to draw al the time, and take art etc, i think what i do is shitty but i do it anyway, especially photography... but yeah, getting my tat was the best thing to happen to me in the recent past... made me feel in charge of myself and my body and my life for once... no longer controlled by my parents.. im still waiting to tell them though, till its healed, ill get the lecture and whatever, but the bottom line is, i did it for myself..

[Kittyhawk]

You always need to put yourself first.

Good on ya for getting the tat. You did it for yourself. No one else.
__________________________________________________ ______

Doing something physicially distracts the mind from the current frame of thinking, weather it be letter writing, art, playing with play doh or snapping rubber bands on your wrists (thats a good one). It will always refocus the thinking. And you wont feel as bad.

Even with anger, you have to physicially release it, there are many ways to do this. Its just a matter of finding the right technique.

I dont really know where Im going with this post....my mind is wondering...deary me!

[Curious_AJ]

thank you kitty, good to have support... my good mate even designed it for me, im glad to have the support... and in turn, help her discover something she likes, she realised she likes designing tats... its small, but its good to help someone discover themselves... im planning on getting a few more, but those will wait till later, after i have my licence etc.. i need to conserve the money... when i went out tonight, it also helped... its great to have friends who care...

[Busy]

Curious_AJ, you mentioned two things, art and lack of money, why not combine the two.
To one person a flaming skull (for example) is dark and horrible, but to another it's life, it's cool, it's collectable. (I collect gargolyes and all my rods have flames).

Paint, draw, however you do it and try sell some, maybe even look into screen printing some shirts or something. Don't think about becoming a 500 company, just think about selling one, just one and that way if you sell two or more you have out done yourself, have acheived a goal, made some money, expressed your feelings and way much more.
Could even support your new found tatoo habit

good luck

[XP@]

There are two things...

Thank you Kittyhawk for this thread, and your subsequent help, you are a life saver :-)

Probably not recommended to ride (especially commute) on your darker days. If you manage to stop yourself pinning the throttle or splitting at silly speeds then you may get distracted and not see the need to react to an upcoming hazard.

[Curious_AJ]

Curious_AJ, you mentioned two things, art and lack of money, why not combine the two.
To one person a flaming skull (for example) is dark and horrible, but to another it's life, it's cool, it's collectable. (I collect gargolyes and all my rods have flames).

Paint, draw, however you do it and try sell some, maybe even look into screen printing some shirts or something. Don't think about becoming a 500 company, just think about selling one, just one and that way if you sell two or more you have out done yourself, have acheived a goal, made some money, expressed your feelings and way much more.
Could even support your new found tatoo habit

good luck

thanks, indeed i have thought of that... but im currently out of time to do that kind of thing due to my course and everything else i have going on at the moment... ive considered using my musical side to busk in the city at times but have never gotten around to it, and i fear that i dont have a good enough selection of songs etc to play and sing... but yeah, my band has fallen apart again as wlel which doesnt help us trying to get gigs.. there are only 2 of us left now, which sucks.. oh well.. thank you for the advice though.. i will try that in the future...

[bauldy]

Hi everyone we have 2 websites that will help everyone to have more knowldege and find a great listening ear
www.e-talk.co.nz
and www.phy.org.nz we are Project Hope foundation our mission is NZOP800 saving 800 kiwi lifes per year from preventable deaths so come and talk to us we are a great bunch if you can excuse my spelling lol
hehhehe