Depression...

[Kittyhawk]

PM sent. Talking about it is a big help..... plus Fluox.

*biker hug* Thanks!!

It is interesting that only one person questioned this post. When I told him I was in fact serious and he showed compassion and outstretched his hand to me, it made me realise just how deep down the rabbit hole I have fallen.

Disco, pm me.

Yes once you "fall in" it is hard to get out and talking about it is the first step. And it is deeper than you expect. Just try ya best at being positive.
*biker hug*

[Curious_AJ]

I have a roof over my head, but no home. It's poo, no where to call home, you don't know how bad it can make you feel til it happens to you...

*my brothers just laughed at my bruises... *

[Disco Dan]

*biker hug*

I have a roof over my head, but no home. It's poo, no where to call home, you don't know how bad it can make you feel til it happens to you...

*my brothers just laughed at my bruises... *

I think we need to have a "foam party" to sort us sorry lot out eh?

More of a *bump* than a meaningful post....

[Steam]

WARNING; Gloomy woe below. Don't even know why I'm posting it. Oh well.

I am very very down today.

The trigger for my downward spiral right now is my job.
I'm sitting at home considering whether to pour myself a big big bourbon, or just go to bed and try to sleep off the mood.
Fuck I hate my job so much right now. Normally it's okay, fairly ok, not great but acceptable for a while.
But now I'm crying and I feel like quitting and going on the sickness benefit to sort myself out. Actually to be honest I feel like killing myself, it would solve this particular problem and end the damn depression too. Seeing how fast the Honda can go, and hitting a wall at 200kph without a helmet.
I can just imagine my mum crying though, I don't want that. So that's out, I won't do that.

The trigger today could have been any little thing, but it was a co-worker coming in, getting coffee, and leaving without saying hi, even when I said Hi. He's a grumpy fuck.
That one little innocent thing set me on the downward spiral, I tried to fight it all day and almost managed.
But then my boss just had a go at me for something or other small.
And I got pissed off and had a go back at him for paying only supermarket rates and having a reputation for being a penny-pinching miser and not paying overtime.
And he said this and I said that, and it blew up into a row which cleared the office, as everyone fled to the other room (but not too far, they still wanted to listen in on the juicy action) That was kinda funny actually, everybody listening just outside the door and grinning and wide-eyed.
And now the shift's over and I'm crying alone at home and wondering what to do next.

I hate my job and have nothing but contempt for my boss.
I hate having great friends but feeling too down too see them for a month.
I hate being on Kiwibiker more often than I talk to people face-to-face.
I hate enjoying the internet more than real life.
I hate having a crap doctor who doesn't care.
I hate being poor so I can't afford to see a psychologist or counsellor.
I hate feeling like a loser.
I hate my empty life.
I just fucking hate.
If this was Iraq I'd be primo material for a suicide bomber. Much anger and sadness and directionlessness.

But really this all has nothing to do with my job, I would feel the same whatever I was doing. This is about me and my thoughts and cognitive-behavioural responses.

What can I do?
Get more exercise.
Eat healthier food to make my mood better.
Do stress-reduction things or meditate.
See friends at least once a week.
Get a new doctor.
Find some money somewhere and go see a psychologist.
Maybe go on the sickness benefit, I know I feel bad about doing that and sucking taxpayer money, but maybe it's necessary.

Now I just want to sleep.

How did it come to this?
How did I fall in this deep, dark hole?
How can I get out?

I do have one thing to look forward to, I am going to Nelson this weekend to deliver my GN250 to the new owner, so that will be fun.
That's one good things about my life, motorcycles.

Time for sleep.

[ManDownUnder]

WARNING; Gloomy woe below. Don't even know why I'm posting it. Oh well.

All I can say is that a better day is coming. You know it as well as I do. Find friends/company that understands you are down. Be with them.

Stay safe dude

[Scorpygirl]

Hi Steam

What MDU said. Please look after yourself. Focus on the weekend ahead.

[slippery]

I dont post on here much.

My auto immune disease has now stopped me from being able to take up a job I so very much wanted her in OZ. Not only this but my physical pain is severe. I may even have to consider returning to NZ which will increase my anxiety ten fold. I have no money and the thought of not being able to earn a real income is scary for me.

I need to get a bike and start riding.

I keep smiling. Life is good, even if my health is not. .

[Terminated]

WARNING; Gloomy woe below. Don't even know why I'm posting it. Oh well.

I am very very down today.

Steam you know the triggers, you know the cognitive reactions. Tomorrow morning get up and do something out there in left field - go to the swim centre for half an hour, or take a run for twenty minutes.

And, and if you want to take a sickie, or just the morning off and go in after lunch...., but do something a little different tomorrow morning and focus on it for twenty minutes or so.

Take It Easy

[BarBender]

WARNING; Gloomy woe below. Don't even know why I'm posting it. Oh well. I am very very down today..

Get vertical as soon as you get up in the morning. Dont lie in bed.
Then as Buck has suggested - get out there and do something... different to the routine. A walk is a great idea. It may be tough but get yourself up and make for that door and keep your focus.

You may hate alot of things at the moment - but these are nuisances more than anything else. Know and believe that you are strong enough to take this on.

Sleep well.

[ManDownUnder]

I dont post on here much.

My auto immune disease has now stopped me from being able to take up a job I so very much wanted her in OZ. Not only this but my physical pain is severe. I may even have to consider returning to NZ which will increase my anxiety ten fold. I have no money and the thought of not being able to earn a real income is scary for me.

I need to get a bike and start riding.

I keep smiling. Life is good, even if my health is not. .

If the bike's a stretch for you (and I assume motocycle here), get thee a helmet and look up someone local - jump on the pillion seat. If you're in Auckland I'll happily help.

[Kittyhawk]

Waking up and look out the window - its a lovely day
First thought which comes to mind - oh no Im sad
no matter what you do to motivate yourself - everything seems to fail.

Went to the gym yesterday...felt more upset after.
Met up with some kbers at the pub last night... still felt sad.
Had a good blat on my bike....still no change.
Hung out with my neighbours....that storm cloud was brewing.

I hate this little emotional cycle. When the good days come they dont last long. I try to make the most of them.

*sighs*

[jazbug5]

Waking up and look out the window - its a lovely day
First thought which comes to mind - oh no Im sad
no matter what you do to motivate yourself - everything seems to fail.

Went to the gym yesterday...felt more upset after.
Met up with some kbers at the pub last night... still felt sad.
Had a good blat on my bike....still no change.
Hung out with my neighbours....that storm cloud was brewing.

I hate this little emotional cycle. When the good days come they dont last long. I try to make the most of them.

*sighs*

Yeah, it may seem hopeless- but remember this: you are winning the war because you keep going. You may lose a skirmish, you may even lose a battle- but you won't lose the war unless you choose to totally give up. And you haven't. So well done, and the same goes to anyone else feeling like this.

By the way, have you looked at homepathy? I recently discovered a really good homeopath, and have been amazed by how much it has improved things for me. Well worth looking into if you haven't already...

[slippery]

If you're in Auckland I'll happily help.

thanks, thats a really nice offer. i might ask my uncle if he can get me a cheap dirt bike, 250 or something, hes good like that, i miss dirt bikes ;-)

im a little depressed of the thought of coming back to nz as i have many friends there anymore and the country just seems to be so angry, its not the same as when i was a kid. might sound soft for a big bloke, but i never been much more than a softy, was hard growing up having to hide that.

my pain is a bit better today. that makes me smile.

[ManDownUnder]

thanks, thats a really nice offer. i might ask my uncle if he can get me a cheap dirt bike, 250 or something, hes good like that, i miss dirt bikes ;-)

im a little depressed of the thought of coming back to nz as i have many friends there anymore and the country just seems to be so angry, its not the same as when i was a kid. might sound soft for a big bloke, but i never been much more than a softy, was hard growing up having to hide that.

my pain is a bit better today. that makes me smile.

No worries dude - look after #1 and don't be shy to ask for help when you need it. I've had to do it in the past - now's my turn to give back (with pleasure I might add).

Your day will come too - you'll know pain when you see it in another... and al you'll want to do is help - if only they'd accept it.

NZ's not such a bad place. It depends on the people you hang around with I guess. Getting into KB's a bloody good start

[earthbound misfit]

I dont post much either but this depression thread just keeps on going and it seems to be positive source for lots of people on KB

Reading some of it brings tears to my eyes

Thanks to all the KBers who care and to Kittyhawk for keeping on going and inspiring us