Depression...

[ManDownUnder]

I've had depression and come out the other side a stronger person.

Not belittling the rest of what you wrote... but I have a similar experience. Not of depression but of another trial in life.

QDOS to you - you get nothing but respect from me.

[Kwaka14]

The Stats on depression are incredibly high, I have very few close friends and some of them have or are on medication for depression (Citallopram I think) and the medication doesn't change the way they are or their energy levels, the only thing it seems to do is help them to cope. IMO it's just an illness and can be treated often cured with medication and counselling, and just like a minor injury why should that stop you doing something you love, I'm pretty sure anyone here can say at sometime or other in their life they've had a destructive thought or two and there's probably not a lot wrong with that so long as you don't act on it. I haven't had depression myself but I know of a few that have/do have/suffer from it and it shouldn't stop you from doing things you love, otherwise you've given in to it.....

[vifferman]

I tell you what - it's interesting.
I've discovered that sometimes I write my best shit, or say the funniest things, when I feel REALLY bloody awful. It's possibly borderline schitzophrenia or bi-polar whatsit, or some kinda spooky Yin and Yang crapola.
It's made me modify my ideas on what's good for me and what's not, as I'd rather be motivated and creative than feel OK/coping/mellow and be Mr Zombie.
It's a bit like that movie with Richard Gere (Mr Jones?) where he's schitzo, and really enjoys the rush. It's a real (momentary) buzz sometimes when I have wacky ideas.
Something else I've realised is there's no such thing as normal.

[WickedOne]

It's made me modify my ideas on what's good for me and what's not, as I'd rather be motivated and creative than feel OK/coping/mellow and be Mr Zombie. It's a real (momentary) buzz sometimes when I have wacky ideas. Something else I've realised is there's no such thing as normal.

Sounds like you may have found a "coping strategy"

[Indiana_Jones]

I've been depressed before, and have been recently, just getting out of it. As for riding, done it before, yea and you need to focus on the job at hand, so I wouldn't recommend it, for me, when I ride, depression takes 2nd seat and I enjoy the ride. Worry about my problems when I get off.

-Indy

[hXc]

I found an escape. Music and writing are/was my escape from everything. All my problems or anger or whatever it happened to be; writing and music helped me a lot.

Find an escape; something you can put your anger into, effectively taking it out of you. Or something to take your mind off everything, so when you stop whatever it is, you feel refreshed and good. It may not help short term, but long term it will do wonders.

[vifferman]

Sounds like you may have found a "coping strategy"

Many days I don't really cope - just pretend.

I've been depressed before, and have been recently, just getting out of it. As for riding, done it before, yea and you need to focus on the job at hand, so I wouldn't recommend it, for me, when I ride, depression takes 2nd seat and I enjoy the ride. Worry about my problems when I get off.

That's a good point, but it depends what's going on. I used to deliberately take my meds 20 minutes before getting on the bike, as they boosted noradrenaline levels in my brain, and made me ride better (less like a pussy). However, my current problem is sometimes my brain winds down (like it's short of electricity or summat) and I don't always recognise that. I crashed my bike recently because I left work late, my brane was only firing on 1.5 cylinders, and I made a bad decision. Luckily it only resulted in a scrape on the bike's fairing (and my helmet) when I did a faceplant on the footpath. In that situation I wouldn't recommend being anything other than a passenger.

[WickedOne]

I found an escape. Music and writing are/was my escape from everything. All my problems or anger or whatever it happened to be; writing and music helped me a lot.

Find an escape; something you can put your anger into, effectively taking it out of you. Or something to take your mind off everything, so when you stop whatever it is, you feel refreshed and good. It may not help short term, but long term it will do wonders.

Well said Zac. I found that making things helps a lot as well (furniture and woodworking is one of my outlets). Also gives you a great sense of achievement when you can see the end product and know it was all your doing.

[Charlie]

Kitty I've sent you a PM. I've been there too and can relate to everything being written. Its a complicated thing and even when it happens to you doesnt mean you understand it any more or have any of the answers; but hope it helps.

[Kittyhawk]

Everyone has ups and downs but sometimes the downs dont go back up and it takes alot longer.

As for the medication - its like the lottery as what I was told. Some work some don't and its just a trial and error over a period of time apparantly.

[vifferman]

I found an escape. Music and writing are/was my escape from everything. All my problems or anger or whatever it happened to be; writing and music helped me a lot.

Find an escape; something you can put your anger into, effectively taking it out of you. Or something to take your mind off everything, so when you stop whatever it is, you feel refreshed and good. It may not help short term, but long term it will do wonders.

Actually, it may help more short term than long term, but it's a very good suggestion.
Were you talking about listening to music, or playing a musical instrument? Sometimes I can't do either, as some music makes me feel REALLY bad, and when I'm semi-non-functional, I can't play.
"Distraction tactics" are excellent: get wrapped up in something REALLY involving. Whatever it is.

[hXc]

Many days I don't really cope - just pretend.

Something I got really good at too. Pretending everything is fine and dandy, when on the inside I felt like shit. I came home from school most days and fell to bits.

It ends up breaking everything. Pretending you're ok can make things so much worse. because you get back to your home environment, with your loved ones, and you take all your shit out on them.

[WickedOne]

As for the medication - its like the lottery as what I was told. Some work some don't and its just a trial and error over a period of time apparantly.

Absolutely, one of my mates was put onto certain meds and he found that it just amplified the highs and lows (not good at all) and since changing meds his moods have leveled out he is coping much better.

[vifferman]

As for the medication - its like the lottery as what I was told. Some work some don't and its just a trial and error over a period of time apparantly.

That's true.
I'm very sensitive to drugs, which is good and bad. Most anti-depressants need a goodly long time to establish stasis levels before they're of much benefit. Usually, I can tell pretty quickly whether meds will help or not. Unfortunately, I'm running out of options.

[hXc]

Actually, it may help more short term than long term, but it's a very good suggestion.
Were you talking about listening to music, or playing a musical instrument? Sometimes I can't do either, as some music makes me feel REALLY bad, and when I'm semi-non-functional, I can't play.
"Distraction tactics" are excellent: get wrapped up in something REALLY involving. Whatever it is.

Playing music of course. Listening to music is no longer an escape for me. Music is constantly on for me. Even when I'm riding, I listen to music in my head.

Playing drums is very physical, so acts as a work out and an escape. I got into playing heavier, faster things for that reason. It gets me all worked up and people could often hear my anger and emotion through my drumming, or poetry or whatever I was doing.