Depression...

[007XX]

HTFU is NOT going to do it. HTFU will help with depression about as much as it will for the Flu. It's not the right tool for the job... not even close.

There is not enough green bling to show my approval of this post...

I hadn't been on this forum for a while, and coming back to find HTFU posts is scary and very disppointing, but I guess that is to be expected from ignorance to be blind and illiterate.

For those of you who still think HTFU is the right thing to do, please take 5 mins of your time and get out of your everyday shell and give a shit: READ carefully and imagine what it's like to be truly lost...
And yes, talking about it is the way to start healing from depression...whether it makes YOU feel uncomfortable, well you get over it!

[Disco Dan]

I figure this is the right place to vent:

In the words of David Bowie - "As the world falls down"



...life really sucks sometimes.

[Curious_AJ]

amen to that... life does suck... has been a steady suckage for my for a while now... HTFU hasnt helped one bit...

[Winston001]

Haven't been in this thread for a while but I'm having a bad time at present and it really helps to read what others are going through.

The HTFU advice is well-intended but is given by people who have no conception of what depression feels like. HTFU really means you should find some resiliance within yourself, look for the good things, appreciate the positive.

However to be able to do this, you first need a shred of self-worth, a sense that you mean anything. If you are profoundly depressed you won't have any self-image at all - you are meaningless, worthless, pointless. You'd actually be doing your loved ones a favour if your heart simply stopped. Anything to make the empty pain go away.

This is an emotional sickness, and if any of you feel that way, reach out for help. It isn't a valid view of yourself and you need others to show you that. Family, friends, your doctor, a counsellor. Reaching out can be the hardest step but it is the right one.

[vifferman]

This is an emotional sickness.

Actually, it's usually more insidious and powerful than that, ultimately being neurochemical as well. HTFU just doesn't cut it.

It isn't a valid view of yourself

True, but because you "live in your head", it's like what you feel and think is YOU, so it's valid from that point of view, even though it is bogus.
I think/feel this, so that's the way it is. It is VERY hard at times to say, "Wait! That's NOT me, I don't have to be that way, those thoughts/feelings are wrong, I should get that fixed!"

It's almost like expecting your bike to fix itself.

"Hey! Bike! Stop that pharkinabout! HTFU and get your act together!"
LOL

[janno]

It's been my experience that the HTFU crowd have either

A) never experienced depression, have no clue whatsoever about how it works, and simplistically imagine that's all you have to do to fix it.

or B) have had a brush with it themselves or know someone, and are terrified, hence the loud cries of HTFU because they don't know how else to deal with it.

Clinical depression is EXACTLY the same as kidney failure or multiple sclerosis etc. The body is malfunctioning for some random reason, simply not working properly, and in the case of depression, it's the brain instead of some other organ or function.

If HTFU could fix malfunctioning body parts I'd be the first to line up at the local survival boot camp. And I'd probably be elbowing for room too . . .

[007XX]

It's almost like expecting your bike to fix itself.

"Hey! Bike! Stop that pharkinabout! HTFU and get your act together!"
LOL

Nice analogy there Viffer...

[Winston001]

Actually, it's usually more insidious and powerful than that, ultimately being neurochemical as well. HTFU just doesn't cut it.

True, but because you "live in your head", it's like what you feel and think is YOU, so it's valid from that point of view, even though it is bogus.
I think/feel this, so that's the way it is. It is VERY hard at times to say, "Wait! That's NOT me, I don't have to be that way, those thoughts/feelings are wrong, I should get that fixed!"
LOL

Yes I agree about seratonin etc but for simplicity referred to the bad way of thinking as emotional sickness. However it does help for depressed people to realise that there is a chemical reason for what is happening - just as you and Janno say. It is actually a physical malfunction of the body.

Thankyou too for enlarging on the "valid" point of view which I agree with totally. That is why you have to reach out for help, trying to fix yourself when your brain isn't functioning normally is likely to be impossible.

[Curious_AJ]

you know what's still getting me bummed? the fact that no one will hire me coz I'm a piece of worthless crap on the bottom of a banker's shoe....

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Best to be thought a fool that to open your mouth are remove all doubt. One thing I have always maintained in my life is shut the fk up if you have no knowledge of a subject or at least ask intelligent questions and learn more. "Contempt prior to investigation" - something else I avoid.

For those that diss or make disparaging remarks about this subject of depression - "those pig-headed ignorant shitheads etc..." well I just smile sweetly and think my god how lucky you are to have never experienced this - I really hope your life continues that way - but should out of the blue, as often can be the case, depression should rest upon your soul - by reading this thread hopefully you will have learnt and gained some insight about the disease.

People get better by sharing their experience, strength and hope. What it was like, what it is like now, and how we deal with life's problems on a daily basis with a dibilitating disease. You find out that you are not alone - this is a lonely disease. At times you have a head that feeds you false information - but to you - in the disease - it is truth and reality.

Had a nervous breakdown at 20 - so much shit had happened - during that time I also lost the love of my life - I accepted a proposal of marriage from a flatmate - 3 months before wedding (he on rebound) he said "I don't know whether we should go thru with this marriage". My exact words "Well fk I'm in no mental condition to make the decision - up to you". I then looked out the kitchen window thinking "If I was fkg normal, I'd throw this ring out into the garden and I wouldn't even look for it". Month before wedding I knew it wasn't wedding nerves. On the day - I was so rotten drunk, trying not to burp as I'm walking up the isle - I had already tripped on the steps - and there is a photo which captures this and you can see clearly I'm saying "Shit". My father turned to me before going up the aisle - "You sure you doing the right thing?" my reply word for word "Bit bloody (hiccup) late now isn't it - keep walking". Standing outside afterwards it was like I looked down at the scene and I remember thinking "I'm sure a bride is suppose to be happy on her wedding day".

It didn't get better lol. However my first husband and I are now the best of friends - I made his wife's wedding dress and his outfit.

I will leave the second wedding story for another time - that one was 13 years later!!! Now by that time even more shit had happened and was at a real crossroads in my life - however, don't think you can't find someone sicker than yourself - altho I didn't think it was possible - I managed it. Always said I would have been better off going to the local psyche unit, marrying a bloke - at least they would have kept him there and not let loose on society.

Not only blonde but a very slow learner. May have been long breaks inbetween but Didn't stop there tho - there was a third one - damage is pretty irreparable and that person new right throughout exactly what he was doing. Oh I am an expert at getting the sickest fktards. Fk the doctorate - I have the professorship in it. LOL

But you know what - ya don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. I am by no means against relationships and love hearing about good ones. Love is a gift given on a daily basis. To me you never own it, it is never yours. You never know when it will be taken away.

Boyfriends/husbands come and go - real friends are there for you always. I never stopped seeing my friends when in a relationship. Eventually get round to the point - it is people that help people that get you thru this disease.
Look behind the words said here, note the actions - behind each one is so much courage, strength and hope. Every small, step is important.

I've had an extremely rough 2 weeks - had a very defining point yesterday and it just happened to be an emergency stop at a loo - how glorious is that. Increased meds for asthma decided enough is enough - need to exit fast - no consideration for the fact that the body had to find a loo close. Well I was blessed in finding one in the knick of time. Sweat pouring off me and I'm stuck there for half an hour. The thought went thru my mind "Very symbolic of my life at present - full of shit". Big boss called me in that morning "had the talk" about my sick leave. FFS there is no work for me - been emailing other office for work - they didn't even have to pay me sick leave - havn't been there long enough - yet they are moaning their arse off!! HELLO. Like I really needed the stress of that as well - shit I was so tempted to bring on an attack - my breathing is so bad I could have done it. Fk I'm too honest.
So sitting on the throne I just said God I'm totally fked in every which way. Numb, stunned mullet material. Have done everything I know how, ya better give me a few miracles right now. I couldn't even laugh - actually I did - people think I'm such a snooty-nosed bitch - (so I'm told -they don't know me - and I don't give a fk what people think of me) - to be so humbled, well I was no longer full of shit I can tell you!! Sitting there, wasn't fearful or worrying - or even depressed, just thinking surrender, let go. You will be looked after.

Got 2 miracles today I did. First husband wired some money from England (he's absconded with thousands from me anyway so I was desperate and emailed him). Then work - did an about face and said they would advance me 4 days sick leave. So my basic outgoings will be met. Cool.
OK I gotta sleep now - meds make me wired and I'm tired - uncomfortable - luxury problem tho. Still got a roof over my head, and food and most of my sanity lol. No comment from the cheapseats on the last one!!

[deanohit]

Just one day at a time a BMW? Shows how a situation can change on short notice. You did ok today by the sounds of it. Now to get through tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that an so on.

I've only worked (hard out) 10 monthes on an off in the past 2 years, living on savings, doin what I want when I want. Alot of people I've known for a long time have been hassling me for a while now about what I've got planned in my future. Most of them I blow off with some bullshit story, but my mum is only now finding out about my problems I've had and I told her and my dad that things were that bad, I was suprised to realise recently that I've made it to 21 so far. Things are tough at the moment as things havnt been going good for my mum down south while I'm trying to hold it together up here. My flatmates arnt much help with all their petty squables, but the job I'm doing now should be over soon and I'll maybe move on if things havnt improved, maybe go down an see my mum.

I've really found this thread helpfull in gettin things off my cheast and I'd like to thank Kittyhawk for starting it. Good on ya mate!

[RiderInBlack]

you know what's still getting me bummed? the fact that no one will hire me coz I'm a piece of worthless crap on the bottom of a banker's shoe....

Don't ya just hate that kind of thinking. Drags ya down and draws more shit to ya self (I know, I've been there). Not easy, but ya need to change ya thinking from "I'm not worthy" to "I'm awesome". Me, well at least I have got myself to "I aren't half bad". Ya not going ta get jobs or attract good stuff in ya life if ya put ya self down. Stop doing it (besides ya spoil the fun for others who like doing that). Tell ya self that you are a worthwhile person every time ya time ya are felling "I'm a piece of worthless crap on the bottom of a banker's shoe" whether ya believe it or not. Find something ya like about ya self and work on that. LISTEN out for complements and accept them (even if ya don't "think" they are true or genuine, often they are). By doing this you are replacing "Negative Affirmations" with "Positive Affirmations". It can literally save ya life (it did mine).

When I got made redundant back when I was 19, I got very depressed. I would have gone to over 60 job interviews and blown the lot of them be cause I felt "unworthy". This lead to me being more depressed and feeding my feeling of "unworth". This got worse as the years went on, until ten years later I was feeling so sucky I nearly ended my life. Luckily I decided to seek a Counsellor. He help me put a bit of perspective on my view of life (which really sucked back then) and taught me the "Power of Positive Thinking" (I needed that to counter the "power of negative thinking"). I learnt the one thing ya have a true choice of in life is how ya feel about it. Life is much better for me now and shit doesn't "stick" to me as much as it used to. Yer, I've not got it down perfectly, and things can still get me down, but at least I have the skills ta deal with it now.

[ManDownUnder]

you know what's still getting me bummed? the fact that no one will hire me coz I'm a piece of worthless crap on the bottom of a banker's shoe....

Hey - you sure about that? Find someone who's opinion you trust - someone you know well, and that knows you well. Someone with some maturity and vision...

Ask them... but be prepared to listen. Get the list of good points, and the stuff you need to work on... and start with a few smaller things to work on - get some successes and you'll be on your way up.

I worked for a guy years ago that had a saying "If you don't aim for the sky you may not clear the trees at the end of the runway". Aim high hun.

[Disco Dan]

...when you do everything the right way, things look good... then karma comes back to bite you in the arse... kicking you back into the pit you just spent the past 3 months crawling out of. Lifes a bitch, but welcome to my world.

[vifferman]

...when you do everything the right way, things look good... then karma comes back to bite you in the arse... kicking you back into the pit you just spent the past 3 months crawling out of. Lifes a bitch, but welcome to my world.

Oh dear.
Look, often you have little control over the things that happen to you in life. The thing you DO have control over though is your attitude - your response to what happens. Yes, life sucks sometimes, and yes indeedy, when your brain's misbehaving it makes it very difficult. But it doesn't have to be that way, and you don't have to choose to focus on the bad things. If you walk around looking at the ground, yes, you will see all the dogshit, the mud, dead things, your broken shoelaces, used condoms etc., but if you lift your gaze, you'll still be in the same circumstances, but your perspective will be quite different. Eggs Zachary what that ManDownUnder chasp was saying.
If it's hard to get your head out of that black cloud (or that black cloud out of your head), then do yourself a favour - go to the supermarket/chemist, buy the wussiest strength of St John's Wort and chuck one back, or even half a one. It should give you just enough lift to get you on your feet.

If, OTOH, you like wallowing in your PitOfDoom, I'm sure you can find LOTS more things to be unhappy about. The economy? The crappy state of UnZud now that the grey-suited, grey-faced Safety Nazis are in full NambyPamby "Trust us - we know what's best for you" mode?

Yeah, I know I sound like I'm being a kont, and maybe I am. But I also know it's WAY too easy to just slip into the habit.
"Uh... I'm feeling DOWN today. I know what to do here... put on my Overcoat of Sorrow, my PoorMe sox, the "Don't fuck with me, I'm borked" hat, the holey black Undies of Doom. Is that it? Oh wait - I forgot the BigBlackShitKickerBoots, to kick myself in the nuts when/if I start to forget to feel sorry for myself."

Ask yourself this, DepressedDudes/Dudettes:
Do I really want to feel this way?
Do I really have to feel this way?
Am I just doing this out of habit, coz it's like a comfy old sweatshirt?
What do I really want? For people to notice me/feel sorry for me? If so, what use is that to me?

Do summat different today! Shrug it off! Indulge yourself with something fun! For goodness sake - it's sunny for a change; go out and enjoy it!

[/rant mode]
[redrep mode - fire away]