Depression...

[Curious_AJ]

i care for others. i just dont care about me anymore, thats waht i was getting at.. and i have TRIED the "step" approach.. but it doesnt make a difference... and my family? fk them... fk them all... they probably care.. but i don't give a shyte.

[Kittyhawk]

i care for others. i just dont care about me anymore, thats waht i was getting at.. and i have TRIED the "step" approach.. but it doesnt make a difference... and my family? fk them... fk them all... they probably care.. but i don't give a shyte.

Not caring about yourself means you are going out on the town, shagging randoms, being drunk and drinking your problems away, doing drugs, self harm, physicially harming your body, running yourself into debt, not going to work or course anymore, cheating on your partner just to name a few.

[chanceyy]

well I have watched this thread with a bit of interest

I am one of the lucky ones I do not suffer depression as such, sure I get days when stuff climbs on top of me & it can be a struggle to get through the day, for me getting out with my horses or now on the bike is enough to start putting things in perspective again

at the lowest times it has been getting through the day if thats too long, then hours if thats too long, its down to minutes & on occasions seconds ..

AJ stop putting yourself down you are worth it & deserving, everyone is...

I have had several staff in my team who suffer major depression they are into self sabotage & choose to live negatively, watching someone self destruct is not fun, however there is far more to life but how to make someone realise that when they are so buried in their own misery, I do not have the answers for you .. only you do however I do recommend getting out & at least walking around the block each day, exercise & fresh air do help.

I was at a point several yrs ago of giving up my horses for my husband but when he walked out my horses were my sanity they forced me to get out each day for a hour in morning & hour at nite to take care of them, from that time I realised I will NEVER be without horses or animals in my life, they bring me joy & the simplicity of watching them interacting with nature and each other feeds my soul .. I know us humans are complex beasts at the best of time .. watch animals they are honest in their dealings with each other unlike most of us humans ...

[Curious_AJ]

Not caring about yourself means you are going out on the town, shagging randoms, being drunk and drinking your problems away, doing drugs, self harm, physicially harming your body, running yourself into debt, not going to work or course anymore, cheating on your partner just to name a few.

going out and doing all that isnt necessarily the only way to do thiongs when you dont care about yourself.. being a hermit, drinking yourself almost to death, not taking care of yourself when youre sick,

I'm almost in debt totally.. already in debt to the government and to my father...

as for cheating on my partner.. i did that with my previous partner, only because he was horrible to me and i'd go for anything that showed me the slightest bit of compassion.,...

[Kittyhawk]

How can you be a hermit if you havent retired from society?

As for debt most have it.

If you're posting on this thread thats not being a hermit. You're still interacting with society. Infact any form of communication to another human is not being a hermit.

What is one positive thing you have done today?

Me - I walked up to the shops and back listening to my mp3 player. Feel like shit as I have a flu but the sun was out and I forced myself to do it. Could have stayed in bed all day but I chose not to.

Also my mate came over and I made him a cup of milo. Played a bit of playstation had a good laugh. He didnt stay long but it was nice having the company.

[Busy]

Sometimes one needs to hit rock bottom to find themselves instead of bouncing around not knowing whats to come.

Being a hermit can actually be a good thing, because you learn to love your own company, you learn to love yourself which you need to do before you can love another. So many people give themselves to feel wanted, needed or of completion when all they are doing is living a lie. Although we all (yes everyone here) will often put others first one must remember who is number one.

You do not need to be someone you aren't
You do not have to do things you do not want to
You do not need to please other people
You do not have to be liked by everyone
You do not have to prove yourself to anyone

You are lovable and capable
You are important
We all make mistakes
No one is perfect

Like that quote
"We are one in the world but to one we are the world."
Life, while is a single journey filled with many ups and downs, questions and problems we are really part of a team, one person, no matter how small can play the biggest part.

[Busy]

Ok I just had this email come in, have to share it.

Today is International Disturbed People's Day.

Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend... just as I've done.

I don't care if you lick windows, see dead people, or occasionally pee yourself...

You hang in there sunshine,
you're Bloody special.

[Goblin]

This song used to help me in my teenage angsty years.

You say there ain't no use in livin'
It's all a waste of time
'N you wanna throw your life away, well
People that's just fine
Go ahead on 'n get it over with then
Find you a bridge 'n take a jump
Just make sure you do it right the first time
'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump

You say there ain't no light a-shinin'
Through the bushes up ahead
'N we're all gonna be so sorry
When we find out you are dead
Go head on and get it over with then
Find you a bridge 'n take a jump
Just make sure you do it right the first time
'Cause nothin's worse than a Suicide Chump

Now maybe you're scared of jumpin'
'N poison makes you sick
'N you want a little attention
'N you need it pretty quick
Don't wanna mess your face up
Or we won't know if it's you
Aw, there's just so much to worry about
Now what you gonna do?
Go head on 'n get it over with then
Go head on 'n get it over with then
Go head on 'n get it over with then
Go head on 'n get it over with then

You're on the bridge;
Scared to leap,
But a girl walks over
To take a peep. . .
She says: "DON'T DO IT"
But wouldn't you know...
The girl got a head
Like a buffalo
With a little red hair
All over the top
An' her breath would make the
Traffic stop
She says "I LOVE YOU...
BUT FIRST, LET'S EAT"
And all you can say as you run down the street...

[Curious_AJ]

thanks for the inspiration guys... well i stayed home alone last night, coz all the boys went out, walked to foodtown and got me some wine and just chilled out with a sleeping bag and the tv.

went to bed, then a few mins later in came the guys,(bar indy)... i had to endure sounds of vomiting all night from one of them.. and then there was a huge riot outside in the neighbours yard, the police arrived etc... then indy came home and cuddled me til i fell asleep.

the thing i relaised when i woke up thismorning, was at least im not like those people who get drunk and beat eachother up and end up being taken in a paddy wagon to the station. its small, but it just made me feel a little better... still kinda feel like crap., but i'm getting there... and Indy made me laugh this morning for pretty much the forst time in ages that i had a sincere laugh.

one just has to wonder, how long will this slight good-ish mood last? I'm just going to let it play its course though, its better than i've been all week.

[Animal]

... its too hard for my stupid japie brain to handle...

If you'd like a new one, my Japie brain is in perfect condition. It's never been used!

pm sent

[Curious_AJ]

heh, that's okay, your's is too good for my headspace...

thanks for the pm btw

[Curious_AJ]

"Where I lay my hat may not be my home, but i will last on my own..."

true... pitty I can't make it on my own these days...

[Karma]

Here's a tip for depressives, stay the fuck off myspace / bebo / faceparty.

You'll only find old memories, some of which you didn't wanna dredge back up.

[Curious_AJ]

hmm.. i eg to differ sometimes though... I use bebo, and used to use myspace.. but I only use them for my friends exclusively anyway, It's a way for some people to contact me that can't otherwise, and it's a good place to be cheered up sometimes...

[vifferman]

Sometimes too it helps to 'hang out' with people who truly know what it's like to be in your shoes - like in this thread, f'rinstance. I hung out for a while on a piercing forum - almost everyone on there was a nutjob: "I don't feel good about myself, so I'll fill myself with metal things". Apart from being a bit short of little metal friends, I felt quite at home.

I'm currently on no meds, and mostly getting by. However, yesterday started off as a bit of a shocker. I usually take a while to get going in the morning, and often feel like crap first thing. Yesterday took the cake: I opened my eyes, felt not too bad, then everything piled in on me, and I had a panic attack. Only it wasn't panic so much as terror: a feeling of overwhelming dread, fear, "too muchness", sadness, etc etc.

Eventually, I got up, feeling a bit better, took half a small St John's Wort tablet (figured my brain-pain was mostly neurochemical), and phoned in sick. I spent some time working on my bike. I've just fitted a Power Commander, but there's so much crap under the seat I needed to reorganise it all. Then I found a better fueling map for it, loaded it, put some 98 octane in, did some housework, stuff like that. I feel 83.074% better today, and the bike goes great!