Depression...

[Boob Johnson]

Im personally coming out the other side of a lifetime of depression & have learned a few things (good reminders) from reading the posts in here, so big thumbs up


Its great when people can feel free to openly talk about issues like depression, it effects so many people & often just being able to off load a lil rant can be extremely helpful, let alone some of the nuggets that have been shared here.


Great community KB'er

[busadayz]

I have been with my partner for 6 years, married for 3 now.
I was aware she had bi-polar, her mother told me, her doctor told me.
Like most people i did not know much about deppression and went on my merry way getting to know this wonderfull woman.
We fell in love, about this time her mother told me one day that we would never work out together, she would get bored with me, i couldnt handle her illness etc etc. I am typicall guy and thought, cant be all that bad we love each other, we can work at this together. Mothers love their kids (so do fathers), but in this case maybe a little too much to the point of now my wife listens to everything her mother tells her. Iam sure we could work things out together, but with them only 500m up the road it has not done me any favours. There is alot more to this story than this, but now i am faced with moving out this weekend, leaving a beautifull home in the country, a wonderfull wife, and an absolutely gorgeous 2 year old girl all of whom i love very much.
In the last 2 years i have not been as supportive as i could have been to my wife. i have been there alright and done my fair share, but have not done enough. I have had hard time getting used to being a dad but have loved it thouroughly and up untill she turned 2 havnt really "clicked" with her.
All of a sudden she can walk, talk, interact with me, call me daddy. I'm really nuts about her.
As a result my wife has requested a 6 month split so i can learn more and understand more about her and so she can see if we can get that feeling back we had before our girl was born.
I am forced to sell my bike (though am holding on to the end), and have felt really down lately, not to mention very alone. I hold onto hope that all is not lost am going to do all i can to prove to her that we can make it. I have put alot of energy into this relationship to throw it away now and dont want my girl to have a split parent life.
Over the last few agonizing weeks i have talked to many people, alot of them strangers to me. I find my myself humbled by the way break down in front of these people looking for a way to sort this out. Ironicly i find myself having a glimpse into the world of someone who is a sufferer of these related illnesses and it is not nice. I have much to learn, and as a result have learned that are people out there that are on your side to help you up when you have stumbled. Talk to someone, anyone, keep talking untill you find the right person to listen to you. I am not afraid to admitt i am shit scared right now, but my little girl keeps me going.
Deppression and bi-polar is very really and these people need large amounts of support from freinds and familly. My wife is on meds for it all, but running your own bussiness, house, life, child gets a bit much at times and here we are.

I will not give up trying!!!!!

[discotex]

Fark.. 810 posts... What a read.

I don't know what to say. Never expected to see people talking about depression openly in a biker forum.

I'm 29 in September. I've suffered from chronic depression since I was about 13. This month is the first time since then I've had 6 months straight without slipping back into depression.

It's been a bitch of a journey. When I was 15 I never thought I'd make it to 20. When I was 20 I never thought I'd make 21. And on and on.

I don't really want to go into my life story in a public forum to be picked apart but am happy to talk about anything in a more private way (on or off the net).

Just a couple of thoughts.

- You don't have to hit rock bottom to get better. I hit my own rock bottom and went further but you don't have to make the same mistake.

- There's nothing you can do directly to fix someone who's depressed. It's like someone in a coma. Talking to them doesn't heal directly but just being there can make a world of difference. It can be frustrating for everyone.

- Meds are great short term acute depression but chances are your brain developed the mythical chemical imbalance through years of bad emotional programming. The best way to fix that is to reprogram your brain. That's what therapy (particularly CBT/DBT) is designed to help with. Fake it till you make it won't happen overnight but it can/will happen. Of course sometimes the depression gets so bad you need meds just to get out of bed to get to someone to talk to.

- Substance abuse (booze/drugs/gambling/etc) can help short term but brings it's own set of challenges. People who suffer from mental illness are way more susceptable to addictive behaviours.

- Anyone who says depression can't be cured is wrong. People get through it all the time and never go back. Sure not everyone does but plenty do. If you at least leave the door open to that idea you can get out of the "what's the fucking point of battling with this for the rest of my life" prognosis that society rams down your throat.

- Turn of the news. Seriously. Turn off One news, 3 news, cancel the newspaper subscription, stop reading nzherald.co.nz. All that bad news slowly seeps into your subconcious. Try it for a month. I guarantee you'll feel better about the world. 100% money back guarantee

vifferman, if you're still looking for a good therapist PM me. I know someone in Auckland that might be worth trying.


From "Maybe Not" by Cat Power

We all do what we can
So we can do just one more thing
We can all be free
Maybe not in words
Maybe not with a look
But with your mind

[Ocean1]

my wife has requested a 6 month split so i can learn more and understand more about her

There's obviously a lot you haven't said, but think carefully about that statement dude.

Good that you've found independent advice and support, often you’re too close to such problems to clearly define them. No advice, just behave in a manner you would respect in someone else. And don’t beat yourself up too much, supporting people with emotional difficulties can be exhausting, give yourself a break.

[ManDownUnder]

I have been with my partner for 6 years, married for 3 now.

... regretfully deleted for expedience' sake
I will not give up trying!!!!!

Hey... I hope you've spoken to a profession counsellor about what's going on to get an independent, expert opinion on the situation. There's a lot of well meaning people in here but unless they have that expertise I'd be taking it with a grain of salt.

Pay more and get more expertise if you can. A counsellor is someone that's done the diploma, a Therapist is someone with a degree (I think that's how it goes). And remember there are good ones and bad ones - find oe you liek and speak to them... and stay close to your family during the 6 months. Be there for them as much as you can.

As Ocean said - I suspect there is a lot more to this story, and some of it I expect you won't know.

FYI - Bonding with your daughter 2 years after she's born is not too uncommon for a Dad. She can walk and talk and interact now right... suddenly she's real to you and look at the love she's triggering... and protecting and that yearn to do stuff with her right?

Keep on going. I'd suggest pegging it back too - 6 months is a long time. You have some say in this too.2 months - or one month?

And what effect is her mother having on your relationship? Strictly speaking if it comes down to a "do you side with your mother or me" situation - it should be "me".

Good luck man... good luck.

[Winston001]

I have been with my partner for 6 years, married for 3 now.
I was aware she had bi-polar, her mother told me, her doctor told me.
Like most people i did not know much about deppression and went on my merry way getting to know this wonderfull woman.


I have had hard time getting used to being a dad but have loved it thouroughly and up untill she turned 2 havnt really "clicked" with her.
All of a sudden she can walk, talk, interact with me, call me daddy. I'm really nuts about her.


Deppression and bi-polar is very really and these people need large amounts of support from freinds and familly. My wife is on meds for it all, but running your own bussiness, house, life, child gets a bit much at times and here we are.

I will not give up trying!!!!!

My heart goes out to you. Hang in there. I understand what you mean about your daughter. I remember looking after my youngest daughter (aged 20 months) for a weekend when my wife was away and we suddenly clicked. Instead of turning to Mum after that, she'd just as easily look for me. It was (still is) magical.

I endorse Ocean's advice. Don't be hard on yourself and keep your self respect. It is healthy to privately share your grief with a counsellor, trusted friend/family member, on here, but don't beat yourself up. You impress as a thoroughly decent person and showed courage in posting what you are experiencing.

[ManDownUnder]

My heart goes out to you. Hang in there. I understand what you mean about your daughter. I remember looking after my youngest daughter (aged 20 months) for a weekend when my wife was away and we suddenly clicked. Instead of turning to Mum after that, she'd just as easily look for me. It was (still is) magical.

Ditto except I was kinda close to my kids from day one - or at least I thought I was till I looked after them for the first time 6 years after our eldest was born and something extra/significant clicked if that makes sense. Dads do thigs very different to Mums, and kids need both. I never got the chance to be "my normal self" around the kids for a couple of days till earlier this year... and I L O V E D it!

I think there will be a lot of guys out there that can relate to what you're saying. I can.

[Kittyhawk]

I will not give up trying!!!!!

Pm Sent...

[Kittyhawk]

For those of you feeling a little down today, I want to make you all smile...even if its just a little....

Im going to get all my hair shaved off in aid of Mack.

[Mom]

For those of you feeling a little down today, I want to make you all smile...even if its just a little....

Im going to get all my hair shaved off in aid of Mack.

No!!! you are a nut bar love complete loony that I love to bits!!!!

Shit hope that was ok to say here! Come up here first.........we can do the dye job from hell to set the ball rolling...........LOL

[Kittyhawk]

No!!! you are a nut bar love complete loony that I love to bits!!!!

Shit hope that was ok to say here! Come up here first.........we can do the dye job from hell to set the ball rolling...........LOL

OOOER! sounds like a plan lets make a weekend of it. I'll bring the bailies.

[Mom]

OOOER! sounds like a plan lets make a weekend of it. I'll bring the bailies.

Who told you about Baileys???????? probably me

[Kittyhawk]

Who told you about Baileys???????? probably me

Um.....I have some sitting in the fridge, and another bottle unused somewhere too.

[Curious_AJ]

God I need a drink...

Thank goodness for parties... saturday here I come! *glug*

Sal, lima y Pepe Lopez por favor!

[Ocean1]

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle.
When 24 hours in a day are not enough.
Remember the mayonnaise jar ... and the beer.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some
Items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he
picked up a very large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded
to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed
that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles
and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The
pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

The professor then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of
sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up
everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
with a unanimous 'yes'. The professor then produced two cans
of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into
the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided. "I want
you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf
balls are the important things - your family, your children,
your health, your friends, your favourite passions – things
that if everything else was lost and only they remained,
your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter in life - your
job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else –
the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he
continued, "there is not room for he pebbles or the golf
balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all time and
energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for
the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will
always by time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the
beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may
seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."