Depression...

[jazbug5]

Very nice, Ocean. Put me in mind of the lyrics to 'sunscreen'. Click on the linky- really worth a read, it'll make you smile... honest.

[Curious_AJ]

woah.. where did all the other posts go? this is not fair.

[Kittyhawk]

I've hit another low.

Had an awesome night at the pub for ATNR, lots of laughs and fun etc. On the way home, I lost it. Just snapped. Rode home crying got in the door and just sat there on the ground holding my helmet in my hands.

Nothing seemed to have really triggered it. This kind of thing gets to me. I feel like Im fighting it everyday, the motivation thing is the biggest problem. I just keep trying.

Off to find the bloody tissue box

[Curious_AJ]

it's okay kittyhawk, i know your pain.

I havn't been having a good day either... been a shocker actually...

We're all here for you though *hug*

[RiderInBlack]

Hugs fa ya both Dudettes. Good ta see ya here.

[Curious_AJ]

thanks RIB

[dmouse]

i had a motorcycle accident in feb 04, where i lost my spleen and damaged my liver bladder and thyroid broken ribs, i was left in serious pain in christchurch hospital for six hours before being treated for my injuries all of this i have a witness to.
i have an advocate working on my behalf with this claim against christchurch hospital that you hae not completed as of yet, i made the complaint in oct 06, however i am told by my advocate (pauline wilson) that you have dismissed the claim against hillmorton hospital due to lack of witnesses and that i signed the forms for ECT treatment, please i ask you to relook at the case as i was there of my own free will not under the mental health act, i cannot even remeber being addmitted to the hospital never mind giving consent for the ECT treatment, this treatment has left me an empty shell my memory is totaly wasted i have forgotten my youth my children being born or even getting married 26 years ago, i am not the same person i was before ECT and as this was over two years ago when i was given ECT i do not see me regaining these or any of the memories that i have lost. i feel that the decision should have been upto my next of kin my wife, if i was not of sound mind at the time, and this is a gross medical misconduct against my rights, anyone who is not of sound mind for court or any other reason has a right to his/her next of kin to make this decision for them. my wife was told that i would be getting ECT the next day, not asking her but telling her, this is a breach of human rights and the docter that took this decision is in breach of human rights. i will fight this out with the HDC and who ever i have to take it too, i have allready taken it too the press and i have written to the health minister with my compliant.

i was given ECT that i did not need, i had a motorcycle accident in feb 04 where my spleen was cut in two, i damaged my liver,bladder,thyroid,lung, and broken ribs,i was left for over six hours with internal bleeding as there was no ultra sound machine available in theatre and there spare machine was not charged, one had to be brought from the other side of the hospital and steralised before it could be brought into theatre, i have a witness to all of this carry on i also have all of my notes from the hospital which do not match up, as they contadict themselves.
i was released from christchurch hospital after about three weeks, then readmitted with phnumonia kept in for about two weeks discharged, to be readmitted again with a liver infection discharged after about two weeks and readmitted with a bladder infection.
all of this took a great toll on me and i ended up suicidal and my wife was greatly concerned for me and herself and sent me to my GP who sent me to hillmorton volentary as he did not wish to commit me.
i was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder then given ECT, then diagnosed with severe depression, then rightly diagnosed with PTSD which is no wonder after what i went through with the carry on at the time of my accident.

i still ride and it helps me focus on things like tunnel vision it forces me to concentrate on my suroundings and not myself, its my freedom its all i look forward too

i know that i will get the piss taken out of me for this but its all true i can show you the reports. take care look out for eachother and just wave to fellow bikers and you are never alone.

[jazbug5]

Who, in the name of God, would take the piss out of you for having gone through such hell?

You have my total sympathy. I hate ECT; my father was given so much of it it damaged his brain permanently, and it turned him into a zombie for years.

He did recover though, and the brain damage is not that obvious- just scarring that makes him a little bit forgetful at times. You may find that your memories return over time.

Can I ask why they say they were giving it to you? I tend to think some docs use it to control 'difficult' behaviour- my Dad, for example, tried to escape the hospital and fought restraint. As a former amateur wrestler I believe it was a bit tricky for the nurses to overcome him! Instead of sedating him, they gave him ECT because it lasted longer. Grrrr.

Anyway, take care, chuck: hope you have some good friends and family support- but if you need somewhere a bit anonymous to seek advice/support, there are some solid folk on here.

[deanohit]

Jeez mate, sounds like you've had a real rough deal with the hospital down there. You're always gonna get a hard time from some people, and as long as it's in good humour, great. This thread has been pretty clear of the shit stirrers, so feel free to vent your frustraitions here as someone will be listening.

[dmouse]

why were they giving it to me ? well they said that i was not responding to medication, i was not violent just suicidal i did not want to live, and the docs are the so called proffesionals are they not !! they told me it was the only alternative if i was going to get well, after 12 bilateral ect sessions and yet more drugs they washed there hands of me and told me to my face that there was nothing more that they could offer to me, so i told them to there faces that i might as well commit suicide and they just looked at each other and then me, i have a letter from the north sector physciatric team to prove this.

and i am still suicidal but i have been stuck with a promise to my kids (27yrs,24,23) that i would not take my life while my wife is still here and i will hold to that, what makes me laugh is these so called no fear guys who have so much bravado that they think they have no fear, i died on the operating table and where i went to was awsome, so much so i would do anything to go back there i have taken overdoses and slashed my wrists on more than one occasion, and i did this alone i never told anyone and i did not want to wake up, is it so wrong not to want to live a life that you dont want, why is it a crime if you do not succeed !!!

by the way i would NEVER do anything to harm anyone else.

[janno]

by the way i would NEVER do anything to harm anyone else.

By killing yourself you will do lasting and irreparable harm to your family. Don't ever lose sight of that fact, no matter how low you feel.

A one time close friend of mine lost her brother and her mother to suicide and it has completely done her head in. Her life is very difficult now, and needn't have been.

So think again, if you EVER think "they would be better off without me . . ."

I've seen the results. It aint pretty.

[deanohit]

Know what your saying bout the docs saying "it's the best option for you." I've got alot of respect for you to make a promise that you wont commit suicide while your wife is still here, that must be pretty tough at times to stick to it.

[Boob Johnson]

By killing yourself you will do lasting and irreparable harm to your family. Don't ever lose sight of that fact, no matter how low you feel.

A one time close friend of mine lost her brother and her mother to suicide and it has completely done her head in. Her life is very difficult now, and needn't have been.

So think again, if you EVER think "they would be better off without me . . ."

I've seen the results. It aint pretty.

Too true. A mate of mines brother committed suicide yesterday, I got the call trying to track the brother down, I thought it was him but turned out to be his brother, been on the phone to him for hours today, not a pretty site AT ALL. Left behind a partner & his son plus father, mother, brother & sisters. No one had any idea what he was planning to do, he gave no one a chance to even talk him out of it. What a waste of a life.

[Solarwind]

I get depressed sometimes, when I do I tend to stop riding... which makes me more depressed. There's nothing like a high-speed blast on the bike to clear the mind though

[Curious_AJ]

what is life when you can't stand waking up to it? ... what is life when you can't spend one day not thinking about how much you'd love to drink that trigene that lives under the bath in the vet clinic?... what is life when all you are is taken away from you? when all you ever wanted has been ripped from your hands?...