Depression...

[Joni]

AJ this thread is pretty serious and people have expressed some pretty personal things in here... I think keeping the respect is important hun. If you are angry let people in LOTIHGAD know... if you post it in here, maybe a bit more detail and thread contribution would be great, just out of respect to the people who have posted in here.

Dont you think?

[Curious_AJ]

i've posted my life on here pretty much.. i think I'm entitled not to reply to people who swear at me.. thanks

[surfchick]

respect to the thoughtful posts in here...

after a friend committed suicide this year leaving his two children under five and partner I ended up in long conversations with my brother who is a neurosurgical reg. the friend that died had struggled w. depression all the way through uni, was in councelling, adjusted diet and excercise, tried diff.drug regimens over the next 10 years. had it all on the outside - stunningly beautiful family (partner and kids), came from an extremely talented family of creatives himself and was really well regarded in his own prof. but he had that inconsolable depression - bouts of not being able to get up etc. finally before the end he didn't sleep for over 6 days straight. I'm posting this because the lack of sleep was one of the scariest things about how I perceive the brain chemistry changes - lack of sleep is so dangerous...I almost feel to say that if you've got to a point where you aren't sleeping you should get friends or family to be with you round the clock till you're out the other side and have had a number of OK days sleeping - because the chemical changes in the body are so overwhelming in the absence of sleep
so I'd like to post a little kia kaha to you guys that recently posted you're having a low patch and to send some huggy sleep-vibes for any of you that have the dark angst that keeps you awake pity the emo-cons aren't the real thing tho...

[buellbabe]

Nicely put surfchick...

Just over a week ago I lost one of my oldest friends to cancer. His suffering was horrific and I am actually GLAD he is dead but I am left with a big empty hole inside.

I am not posting this to get sympathy but to share how I am dealing with it. I put my own feelings aside and headed north to spend a week with his wife and kids and be there for them.
At times the only way Jo (his wife and a friend for 20+yrs) could get ANY sleep was if I sat thru barbie movies with her young daughter while another mate played outdoors with her son. So totally hearing ya about the sleep thing!

Its 2 weeks later and I am back at work, infact throwing myself into it and relishing the chance NOT to think about what has happened. When I'm not at work I am out with my dogs and as soon as my bike's customisation process is complete I am gonna be doing some LONG rides...

I am not in denial, the tears happen when they happen, I am the type of person who has to hit rockbottom before I can make a change. The only way from here is upwards and onwards.

[Winston001]

respect to the thoughtful posts in here...

I'm posting this because the lack of sleep was one of the scariest things about how I perceive the brain chemistry changes - lack of sleep is so dangerous...I almost feel to say that if you've got to a point where you aren't sleeping you should get friends or family to be with you round the clock till you're out the other side and have had a number of OK days sleeping - because the chemical changes in the body are so overwhelming in the absence of sleep
(

Absolutely right. The inability to sleep is one signature of depression and occurs because the mind is full of whirling disconnected thoughts. Eventually you become really sick and out of touch with reality.

I hate sleeping pills and psychtropic drugs but have to admit they have a valid place in this situation. The drugs slow the thoughts down and the pills bring on sleep. They may only be needed for a few days so don't be afraid to try them.

The converse situation is also common - depressed people can sleep almost through 24 hours so everyone is different.

[Colapop]

They don't take the pain away - just make you sleep

[surfchick]

buellbabe
its good you were there to help with the barbie vids

They don't take the pain away - just make you sleep

back in the day when things weren't so fab I used to get so little sleep I started seeing things in the walls - a blue shiny sort of hallucination.. like the liquify in CGI... thank god I'm getting sleep now I must say. quite glad not to be having the anxious paranoia that went with the hallucinations - including being convinced the room was full of surveillance cameras... this one might be individual to me given my profession...

[Curious_AJ]

respect to the thoughtful posts in here...

after a friend committed suicide this year leaving his two children under five and partner I ended up in long conversations with my brother who is a neurosurgical reg. the friend that died had struggled w. depression all the way through uni, was in councelling, adjusted diet and excercise, tried diff.drug regimens over the next 10 years. had it all on the outside - stunningly beautiful family (partner and kids), came from an extremely talented family of creatives himself and was really well regarded in his own prof. but he had that inconsolable depression - bouts of not being able to get up etc. finally before the end he didn't sleep for over 6 days straight. I'm posting this because the lack of sleep was one of the scariest things about how I perceive the brain chemistry changes - lack of sleep is so dangerous...I almost feel to say that if you've got to a point where you aren't sleeping you should get friends or family to be with you round the clock till you're out the other side and have had a number of OK days sleeping - because the chemical changes in the body are so overwhelming in the absence of sleep
so I'd like to post a little kia kaha to you guys that recently posted you're having a low patch and to send some huggy sleep-vibes for any of you that have the dark angst that keeps you awake pity the emo-cons aren't the real thing tho...

Absolutely right. The inability to sleep is one signature of depression and occurs because the mind is full of whirling disconnected thoughts. Eventually you become really sick and out of touch with reality.

I hate sleeping pills and psychtropic drugs but have to admit they have a valid place in this situation. The drugs slow the thoughts down and the pills bring on sleep. They may only be needed for a few days so don't be afraid to try them.

The converse situation is also common - depressed people can sleep almost through 24 hours so everyone is different.

buellbabe
its good you were there to help with the barbie vids



back in the day when things weren't so fab I used to get so little sleep I started seeing things in the walls - a blue shiny sort of hallucination.. like the liquify in CGI... thank god I'm getting sleep now I must say. quite glad not to be having the anxious paranoia that went with the hallucinations - including being convinced the room was full of surveillance cameras... this one might be individual to me given my profession...

yeah, I know about the lack of sleep. I've not been able to sleep through a night where I havn't been tossing and turning etc... and whne i wake up, i feel way more tired than i was before.. it all sort of builds up.. and I have started sleeping during the day when i get aback from uni, and before work.

I get to the couch and pass out for 2 or 3 hours, only to feel like shit when i wake up again... it's not really that i can't sleep.. its just that i can't reach REM. hence my brain doesnt rest.

this has been going on for so long now.. and it doesn't help my studying either.. I fall asleep during every lecture and miss everything being said.... I seem to be doing okay so far in my grades, scraping through just above the Caverage needed to pass the year... but its hard... it's really hard.. and its not like i'm not working hard either...

I'm at the point where it feels like there IS no point.. if you get my drift.

[Edbear]

after my accident in jan 04 i was left for six hours with severe internal bleeding in the corridor of christchurch public hospital, i had cut my spleen in two damaged my liver,bladder punctured lung and broken ribs, my own body attacked and severly damaged my thyroid, i had lost two thirds of my blood internaly, the right equipment to check the damage was not available. now i was a healthy and very fit male of 46yrs i have been on bikes from being a kid, i have even raced semi pro in the uk, and i have had bins but this one was the worst and the only one to put me in hospital, i had never been ill in anyway i now was a mess, i was discharged after eight days stapled from my groin to my chest.
i was readmitted with phnumonia discharged readmitted with a liver infection readmitted with a bladder and uti infection, this is what caused my ptsd it was not depression, i have done a lot of research and there are a lot of documentorys out there on aropax and other drugs, but aropax is one of the worst and the most prescribed drug, shit its even being dished out to kids, go to tvnz channel two 20/20 and watch the aropax doco, i know one of the ladys in the video, she was a singer and after seven doses of ect she cannot remeber the words of any of the songs she used to sing, she only went to the doctor with backpain and was prescribed aropax, it turned out after the birth of a baby she had a collasped uturus. why was she prescribed aropax ? why was i prescribed aropax ?? i was complaining to my gp of pain from my wound, it was like needles sticking in me and constant, i am now addicted to aropax and other drugs that i do or did not need, my pain is from adesions scar tissue from my wound has healed inside against my internal organs so therfore when i move the scar pulls on my internal organs, cant be fixed as im told it will only cause more adesions cant win so i have to live in constant pain i cant kill myself as its seen as a selfish act lol who is being selfish the person who wants out or the people stopping the act it dont figure in my book i dont want to live in constant pain but my so called loved ones would like me to live in pain !!!!!!

I understand what you're saying dmouse, and I sympathise. I wasn't suggesting that depression caused PTSD or vice-versa, but that they often go together and research I've done recommends similar ways of treatment for both.

I know personally, what it is like to live with constant pain. I was addicted to DHC, Dihydracodeine, and was taking 16 pills per day including the max allowable dose of DHC, supplementing the DHC with other powerful painkillers and injecting myself in the leg every few days for incredible Migraines. I was in bed in a darkened room up to 22 hrs per day and restrained to a wheelchair. After four years, I reached a point one day, where the pain and the Migraines were just too much to bear and at that point I wanted to die. My head felt as though it were split with an axe and every nerve in my body was on fire.

I was anxious and depressed about the effect my suffering was having on my family and didn't want to leave them. I was always the strong, one, the husband, the father, the rock. Yet here I was, a miserable shell of a cripple in a blackness with no end. Having seen my father suffer and die from MS wasn't helping, either.

I still suffer serious and ongoing health issues, (no wonder my poor wife has heart arythmias!), but I remain positive and as cheerful as posible for my family's sake and don't let on much about how I feel. I wish I could offer advice as to how best to address your situation, but apart from finding a good Dr. (I do like my own GP), and maybe trying to change your dependence from Aropax to something else, all I can do is assure you of our support.

I managed to get off DHC which had a vice-like grip on my body, in 5mths. The Doc worked out a withdrawal program of 8 mths, but I was desperate to get off it. The withdrawal was a living hell! My body reacted strongly and badly to each step, and I used to cry every day I cut down another half tablet as I knew what was going to happen. The supplement he had prescribed did nothing for me. However, no matter how desperate I was to take that extra half, I knew it would be a backward step.

The Missus has always said I was a stubborn old git, and I guess it was my stubborn determination that kept me going forward. The Docs were somewhat amazed that I managed to get off it as there are those who simply cannot. Now I no longer suffer Migraines and am not on any pain medication, only taking the occaisional Paradex for my headaches. Once the tests I am having now find the cause of my current problems I hope they will be able to finally get me up and running again.

Meantime, I am enjoying being able to walk again, even if I can't run, and to work and be involved with my family. My bike will remain a low-mileage machine for a while yet, I guess, but I am hopeful of getting out on it more.

[Blue Babe]

I was diagnosed with Depression about 4-5yrs ago. My world fell apart & for the next 2yrs I went to hell & back. My ex husband told me to pull my socks up & stop being a woos or words to that effect. I think that was the final straw with me & it took me 6mths to pluck up the courage to walk out on my marriage. I did the pills, I did the alcohol & I even did the councilling, but in the end it was my choice on how I got better. Today you wouldn't think I'd ever been there. Yes it was hard & I often nearly gave in, but I will never go there again if I can help it & keep an eye on the signs if any. My councillor was awesome & I still say Hi to her about every 6mths or so over the phone.
There is always a light at the end of the tunnel if you are looking for it. It's not easy but it is there.

[mstriumph]

What you've expressed is sooooo common.

It’s interesting that religion is becoming a big part of this thread – which is about depression, so many people have linked lack of belief with part of the reason people suffer from depression – or at lest they offer religion as a pill.

How about the concept of guilt – our culture uses religion to try to moderate behaviour, non-compliance then creates guilt – of which you have expressed in the above post.
I suggest we stop judging our selves by those miss construed religious ideologies, stop feeling guilty or hopeless.
Thinking about my own journey - that was a huge thing to get over, the religious abuse in my past. ................

interesting concept
does anyone else feel that it is possible for a belief-structure to cause damage to one person whilst giving comfort to another .............?

[dmouse]

i was brought up a cathloic and force fed the church and fed more lies in school, the so called church is a load of lies and ideas stolen from other beliefs paganism and older beliefs its the biggest and most rewarding book in the world, more people die over religion than war each and every year, so many unwanted babys born and die for the sake of there religion.

i died on the op table and i did not go to heaven i went somewhere very warm and so so comforting there are no real words to describe where i went, so the best description would be like being back in the womb it was incredable and i have allways wanted to go back there ever since, i now live a life that i dont recognise its like living someone elses life i see photo`s of this person i have become and i do not know who i am or what i am supposed to be doing.

as for sleep i dont know when i last had a full 8 hours sleep i lie every night waiting for pills to knock me out sotimes its after 3am when i fall asleep and im back awake again in an hour or so allways the same i die in my sleep see this person i have become dead on the floor and i wake and im allways crying real tears and shakeing soaking wet with cold sweats i so hate falling asleep and i hate waking up even more.

[Shiny side up]

I am qualified to coment as I was on medication for depression for about 10 years.

bouts of not being able to get up etc.

Depression is not about feeling sad!
My MAIN symptom was loss of drive. Some days the planning to get up took more motivation than I had. Preparing and planning takes more motivation than actually doing.

finally before the end he didn't sleep for over 6 days straight.

The reason you don't sleep well with depression is this: Your brain uses a particular chemical. If you get low on this chemical you suffer from depression. At night your body converts this chemical to another chemical that helps you sleep. If you are low on the starting chemical you can make enough od the sleep chemical. So you end up waking up half way through the night or worse even though you are very tired. Now the kicker..... If you are tired your body can't produce enough of the starting chemical.


Now bike riding can be a 2 edged sword...... The buzz makes you feel better, and excersing the reflexs means you are doing somthing but the excitment can burn up some of the brain chemical you are short of.

Generally when you are depressed you don't want to die, you just don't want to live. At least a blast on a bike can remind you that you are alive.

To help a depressed person, organise things so all they have to do is do join in. No having to think how do get started.

[Shiny side up]

interesting concept
does anyone else feel that it is possible for a belief-structure to cause damage to one person whilst giving comfort to another .............?

Ok I'm a religious nut.... ie a christian...... The Bible tells us we will suffer so egg heads that tell people that they would not suffer if they had enough faith need to put their religious L plates back on.

With the morons in the cages how can anyone ride with out a little bit of real faith.

[Curious_AJ]

I agree when you say depression is about drive... I have a distinct lack of motivation each and every day... today i woke up and started crying coz i didnt want to go to uni for the 2 hours of class I have on wednesdays... I just couldnt do it... In the end, i picked myself out of bed, had a shower, and then headed to the bus (which i was late for, mind you... )

but yeah, fell asleep in the one class i managed to get to...then got home, and ate lunch, then fell asleep on the couch again...

when i say sleep though, it was more like just closing my eyes... I'm still able to hear everything going on around me...

but then, it's also about sadness... you can just be completely and utterly distraught for no reason at all it seems...

or, for me I find it comes out in my temper... I've always had a short fuse, but my anger never lasts long. but lately, i find the fuse even shorter, so I get angry at TINY things that are done.... but it goes away quickly, then I kick myself later for getting angry for no reason.