Depression...

[ManDownUnder]

i hate my brain... it doesnt work properly... what the hell is wrong with me!?!?!?! i dont understand!

There are a couple of people you need to meet
* Those that care (and there are more out there than you may realise)
* Those that can help (which by definition also care, but on a professional level)

Something the blows me away is the strength of character I see in some of the posts in here - the admission of some pretty personal stuff. And I for one react with an instinct of "I want to help".

I'm not alone. The thing is - you need to choose who best suits you to help. Friends - true friends - that are there for you thick and thin. It doesn't matter if you are up or down at the time. Although you can control it a little, it's not like you've got a choice in the whole thing.

And moods are like weather - when you think about it... a mood isn't "wrong" - just as rain isn't wrong. It just a mood. You might be happy or sad, angry etc... that's fine.

i hate myself too... im pushing people away again... the only ones i trust... im hopeless... i worthless... im nothing...

While you may be pushing people away, friends are right there. You push them away, they'll politely let you have your space - it's a respect thing. They're there when you need them though.

As for being hopeless, worthless and nothing. I respectfully disagree. I know someone else in here who sometimes feels like that ... and I mean REALLY feels like that - and they will hopefully vouch for the fact that's true.

Sit and talk with a friend about it, the ones you love too. Help them understand, and try to listen to, and understand them. They may be confused about what you're going through - and that confusion limits their ability to relate, and help in whatever way they can.

So talk - help them understand.

It did me a lot of good. As soon as I got a hint of what depression can do it started to crack open those doors. Help us to help you. This is actually a 2 way street.

[XP@]

Sit and talk with a friend about it, the ones you love too. Help them understand, and try to listen to, and understand them. They may be confused about what you're going through - and that confusion limits their ability to relate, and help in whatever way they can.

If you can't talk face to face then maybe a first step could be talking on line. It is generally a lot easier to say things on-line that you cannot say out loud.

[Curious_AJ]

thanks for all the advice... i really appreciate it... you are all appreciated by me.. really.. what you say has helped me to some extent... but as for talking... i try .. but nothing comes out or i try but then i dont know what i want to talk abotu because i dont know exactly whats making me feel like this.. its like its for no reason.. yet somehow i know there is some sort of reason... and i tend to put on my outside mask when in public or with friends face to face... it just happens. .i act like the happiest person in the world but on the inside it feels as though im dying...

its really tricky.. and i know i have to work it out on my own.. find a solution somehow.. i dont like to drag others through my mud... thats why i spend my time helping animals and other humans...

[vifferman]

I'm taking this very seriously. Turning things into a joke is just one of my coping mechanisms.

Yeah, me too. It pisses my wife off sometimes, because she's very sensible.

hey - anyone read THe Harold this morning? There was a thing in there about how some antidepressants can cause some people to have strange, vivid dreams (no kidding?) and for a small percentage, they are so real that they act out the dream physically. One guy dreamed he was strangling a burglar, and woke up to find he was strangling his wife.

For me, although the "unusual or abnormal dreams" is interesting, it's also a pain. They're so vivid they become more like memories than dreams, and I recall parts of them (as memories) throughout the day. Lends another surreal aspect to the depression nightmare.
Man, I've really got to find a way to have vivid dreams about stuff I'd like to remember, like sex, or riding really kewl bikes, or summat.

[Kittyhawk]

If you can't talk face to face then maybe a first step could be talking on line. It is generally a lot easier to say things on-line that you cannot say out loud.

If you are talking online you have to develop some sort of level of trust or feel safe when talking to that particular person. But the only way to do this is take a chance and try opening up.
Once this step is taken, confidence builds you dont feel as bad as what you used to because someone knows something... then the next thing would be to maybe consider talking to a professional.

I act like the happiest person in the world but on the inside it feels as though im dying...

Maybe Curious AJ you need to take a step back rather than forward. Dont try talking about it. Your other emotions will let it out somehow, and crying is one of them....thats one of those spur of the moment things. Dont go looking for the reasons or answers to your questions. You dont have to justify yourself to yourself when you are feeling low.

If you are smiley on the outside and shattered on the inside, it sounds like you are hiding behind a brick wall...I know I am. Your true friends who support you will try to get over it and so you should try opening up and letting them in. They aren't going to hurt you.

When friends and family feel helpless what can they do? They want to help but dont know how. Example...if your mate bins their bike and breaks their leg what do you do? You cant work a miracle to make them get back on the bike again but you can help in the healing process. This is something your friends and family need to understand with depression.
It's something beyond their control.

It did me a lot of good. As soon as I got a hint of what depression can do it started to crack open those doors. Help us to help you. This is actually a 2 way street.

MDU you are a star!

You are right it is a 2 way street. But sometimes its a struggle for a depressed person to communicate. Cracking down those doors isnt the easiest thing to do. Alot of time and patience is involved with that.
Just being there to listen is the best. And carrying on with life as you usually would. Eventually the low patches go away and the one who is down will bounce back up again.

[Kittyhawk]

I'm taking this very seriously. Turning things into a joke is just one of my coping mechanisms.

It's something I do as well.

[Disco Dan]

The happiest people are usually crying on the inside (as AJ said).

Although its still posible (if someone is observant and knows what to look for) to see straight through the 'happiness' and see the darkness inside. Eyes tell alot.

I have found myself shutting everyone out and spending days at a time alone, missing uni, work everything. Spiraling downwards into the darkness.... ....even keep the facade going by texting people to meet up then cancelling/not turning up, so they think im out and about.... hard part for me is forcing myself to do things and climb back up... this post.. step one. I wouldnt say "i have depression", but just going through a dark, 'down' stage for past 2 months or so.... have not worked out 'step two' yet...

[ManDownUnder]

I'm taking this very seriously. Turning things into a joke is just one of my coping mechanisms.

know what - I was wrong - my apologies. Kinda on the defensive on this one is all...

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

Due to alot of utter crap happening last year - in Oct I broke. 11.5 years ago I made a decision to cut alcohol and drugs out of my life. No crutches. (I also gave the the cigs up for nearly 5 years but started again 2 yrs ago). Been to hell and back several times - each time it gets worse, you don't think it can - it DOES!! Today I lead a spiritual life - NOT a religious one. I have a God of my own undestanding. I don't have a family there for me, that is the way they are and I accepted that a long time ago. I have never ever known true love - 3 years ago I thought I had found it with someone but I was wrong. But I had truly loved at that time and it was taken away, (he proceeded to violate my privacy, put my life in danger and quite a few other nasty spineless acts), my cat, and my bike - also taken away all around the same time!! (Pretty sad when the bloody cat doesn't even wanna be around lol I always said he was a poofter cat - liked males more than me) God I miss my cat. My two closest friends were not there for me for reasons of their own, which really hurt at the time.

I still had to go to work at a high-powered/pressured job. I had stupidly come off my medication 2 months before. My support/network system was in Hawkes Bay. I had moved to Wgtn earlier in the year. I had written an email to my partner saying how I felt, I couldn't see any hope or purpose in life - he never answered or contacted me for 3 days (a person that professed to love me so much) - but promptly violated my privacy and discussed it with every tom dick and harry who would listen to him. However, I was very lucky that I also copied and sent the email to a girlfriend in AK, who does love me.

She was concerned enough to send a friend around, who got me to a Dr the next day and I was put into the Mental Health system - they prescribed medication - which was needed to lift me to a level so that I could start to function and able to take the action necessary. If I did not agree to go on medication they would put me in the Psych Unit for rest - I told them if they put me in there it would really end me. I have visited many people in those places, they dope you up and you are a fkn zombie. I knew for sure I had a chemical imbalance so agreed to meds. They offered counselling etc - been there done all that - they can keep their 6 week counselling course counsellors where the sun don't shine. They don't have experience of life, no idea etc etc - but I was prepared to be open minded and agreed to see one. Fkn waste of time. I knew what action was needed to get out of this depression - and only I could do it. The big question was could I be bothered - for what - just to struggle to exist. My friend Margaret came to mind - I recently shared in this thread she took her life - it is 3 years tomorrow. To me she is now a shining star in the night sky.

It really does come down to you and God /universe, higher power, whatever you wanna call it. I call it God - for ease of use - Good Orderly Direction. I prayed - "God, if you want me to fkn live, then give me the willingness to live, give me hope, a purpose in life, give me faith, strength, courage and love to see this thru. Cos I'm totally fkd - I so don't wanna be here and is the fkn hard work to get back on that road worth it? - hasn't been to date God so you really betta pull ya finger out big time." (My catholic upbringing certainly did not teach me to pray like that - god forbid you were not allowed to pray for yourself that was selfish). This "prayer" was repeated big time.

INTO ACTION: I had to ignore how bad I felt, I just wanted to sleep - but I had to go to work - I have no-one to financially support me - there is only me!!! No sick leave - and I had to pretend everything was ok. Went to the loo and bawled my eyes out a few times. Had to wait for the meds to kick in. On weekends I slept a lot, did the basics of washing my clothes, don't remember eating much at all. I withdrew from my friends - I had nothing positive to say and I was tearful. I knew I could not allow that situation to go on for long, otherwise I was in deep shit and I hate pain - had too much of it. So I forced myself to meet a different friend for lunch each week. I forced myself to pick up the phone, I would admit to my friends - actually I'm the fkn pits, I let them hear me cry or see it (and that's the hardest thing for me). I had to reach out to my friends and let them be there for me. I forced myself to do a short walk each day. Instead of going to bed the moment I got home from work, I forced myself to stay up a little longer each time. In the privacy of my home I cried when I needed to. I meditated and prayed and listened to soothing music. I did positive affirmations morning noon and nite. I was just in a sea of total soul pain and at times I was insane with it - then I did sleep or take a sleeping pill. I took one day at a time. I did not have my motorbike at this time which is also my therapy. I had shit happening from all areas still. I faked it until I made it. To this day work does not what a broken useless human being I was. I did pay particular attention to my job at that time - it was all I had - I just had to.

Within a month, the meds kicked in and my efforts were having positive effects. Now if I had waited until I WANTED to take the action - I'd be dead or still in a chronically depressed state. And it was by no means easy and I continue to keep taking action. I could not afford to wallow and have my own pity party. The worst was when people would be kind to me, I wasn't used to it and tears would immediately well up and I was too choked to speak. Also when close friends said to me - God when is something nice going to happen in your life - (while I would think that in private - it was embarrasing that others thought the same) I did not want or need sympathy - I couldn't afford it - I had to be disciplined and not wallow in self pity. People have been put in my path since, revealing information to me, or being there to listen. I kept it all inside of me a bit too long, and on ocassion a total stranger would get a piece of my "life story" which gradually got rid of some of my pain and helped me go forward. I eventually got my bike back and proceeded to spend 2.5 weeks travelling round the North Island on my own - setting up my tent at various out of the way camping grounds. I was wondering how me and the committee in my head were going to get on cos I had had nothing positive happen for a long time and the future wasn't lookin too good work or financial wise but in the end it was all good, and the best thing I could have done. I am given the strength to get through.

Also at nite I would do my gratitude list - I wasn't feeling at all fkn grateful I can tell you but my philosophy is Just Do It - take the action. The list was very basic - thank you God for my: job, my health, the roof over my head, for my wonderful friends, for giving me strength and courage to get through this (altho I did not feel strong). I watch my self talk - instead of berating myself eg u useless, weak, lazy, fat son of a bitch, emotionally retarded fkwit, I believed those words. Today, I say, Shirl, ya doin the best you can, it's better than last week and u are getting better each day.

In this moment today, I am happy joyous and free. (Of course that can change any time lol). I have to keep busy and have plans for days during the weekend - if I have too much time to think and the "committee starts" - I get out or ring someone. During the week I catch up with friends and have dinner with them, and/or a movie. Lots of laughter, and jokes. My goal this year is to meet new people and have only positive people in my life. And I look forward to helping the Mt Vic M/C club at their race days.

Today, I accepted a very well paying job with another legal firm. More pay, less hours, better advancement opportunities. My contract here finishes on 31 March.

[ManDownUnder]

Sorry MDU. I hadn't clicked that you had been through depression. I thought you were just a normal person who was asking how can I help. If I had realised you had been through it all I wouldn't have made the joke. The first part of the post still applies though.

Man I've had hard times in my life where, in hindsight, I was severely down... possibly depressed. But it was transient (i.e. 3 months or so - I guess... I lost track of time). I sought help, got help, got support and worked my way out of it. I didn't need meds if that's any indicator.

I'm sensitive to the issue though. I've seen someone recently starting to go through this hence my over-reaction in the previous post. I'm all the more sensitive because I relate to some of the deep seated emotion that just comes out of no-where to thump people in the back of the head.

Again - I apologise. No disrespect intended and I hope you understand why I said what I did.

[Drew]

I have had a lot to do with someone with one of the few cases of depression I take seriously, and can honestly say, it's very scary to be around. I myself am not that way inclined, my way of thinkin has always been, dont sweat the small stuff.

I only wanted to say, that IMO, just about anyone that comes out with a statement like, "my depression is really getting me down at the moment", is playing on it, and should be left alone forever labelled as an attention seeker.
FFS people, stop hiding behind excuses, and bloody well step up! Life is for the living, and moping around thinking there is something wrong with you will not fuckin help a thing.

I'm sure you all think I'm being callus and insensitive, but it is a fact, that cases where people are diagnosed with this are on the increase, when we are meant to be living in a more PC, user friendly world. WTF?

My two cents, let the red rep flow people, I promise it wont depress me

[Teflon]

I only wanted to say, that IMO, just about anyone that comes out with a statement like, "my depression is really getting me down at the moment", is playing on it, and should be left alone forever labelled as an attention seeker.
FFS people, stop hiding behind excuses, and bloody well step up! Life is for the living, and moping around thinking there is something wrong with you will not fuckin help a thing.

Ease up there FIZZER, picking on the weak is downright nasty.

[Drew]

Ease up there FIZZER, picking on the weak is downright nasty.

I would never pick on anybody, I know what it's like to be picked on, and I dont do it.
If you knew me, you'd know I help out anyone in need, but I'd prefer that need to be genuine.

[SixPackBack]

I didnt say harden up! I said.....SORT YA SHIT OUT! and like posted earlier in this thread....genuine "depression" sufferers don't tell the whole bloody world about their probs do they!

Is there a rule book for depression?...the internet allows a degree of anonymity real life does not.

Assume those posting have a genuine problem "harden up" and "sort ya shit out" as you so eloquently put it does not apply.

[Bekki]

I didnt say harden up! I said.....SORT YA SHIT OUT! and like posted earlier in this thread....genuine "depression" sufferers don't tell the whole bloody world about their probs do they!

In my experience, and I know the journey is different for everyone, people start telling the world about their depression when it gets to the point that they've tried everything in their arsenal to get through it by themselves.. and they just can't do it alone anymore.

It's insidious, it creeps up on people, and it's usually pretty seriously affecting someone's life before they'll start to suspect they have it.
After suspecting, they're more than likely going to try hardening up and sorting their shit out till they've used up all their energy reserves keeping up the facade of capable normality. No energy left, a feeling of uselessness and failure, and you can't get out of bed in the morning. You can't make yourself shower or brush your teeth or answer the phone or open the door. And you might still be in denial. Till it becomes obvious there's only one thing to do... ask for help.

No one wants to admit they're depressed. Because of judgements like yours. It's not something someone would do lightly. Sure asking for help is a cry for attention. The feeling of depression is the loneliest, coldest, scariest feeling there is, and you can't escape it cause it's in your head. Having someone tell you that everything's OK, and having someone believe in you, and accept you at a time when you're at your lowest and least able to give back, can and does save lives. So give them attention. It might be inconvenient for you, and you have no proof that they're genuinely suffering, but don't you think they know that? Don't you think that that makes your gesture all the more huge to them?

And if asking for support is the last resort, and the person can't get it......

Everyone is different, but the person who made the most immense difference to me was an almost-stranger at the time, who I wrote this crazy huge honest email to, and he took me seriously. His friendship was more effective than a million doctors or counsellors could have been

Go this thread. It's great to see people looking out for each other.