A 98-year-old woman wrote this to her bank

[Bloody Mad Woman (BMW)]

>> The bank manager thought it amusing enough
>> to have it published in the New York Times.
>>
>> Dear Sir:
>>
>> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check
>> with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
>>
>> By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed
>> Between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account
>> of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course,
>> to the automatic monthly deposit of my Social Security check,
>> an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight
years.
>>
>> You are to be commended for seizing that brief window
>> of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way
>> of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
>>
>> My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident
>> has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
>>
>> I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls
>> and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by
>> the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity
>> which your bank has become.
>>
>> From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with
>> a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan payments
>> will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic,
>> but will arrive at your bank by check, addressed personally
>> and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you
>> must nominate.
>>
>> Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
>> person
>> to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application
>> Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.
>>
>> I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know
>> as much about him or her as your bank knows about me,
>> there is no alternative.
>>
>> Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
>> countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details
>> of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and
liabilities)
>> must be accompanied by documented proof.
>>
>> In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number
>> which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
>>
>> I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again,
>> I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me
>> to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
>> As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
>>
>> Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me,
>> press buttons as follows:
>>
>>
>> 1 - To make an appointment to see me.
>> 2 - To query a missing payment.
>> 3 - To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
>> 4 - To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
>> 5 - To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
>> nature.
>> 6 - To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
>> 7 - To leave a message on my computer (a password to access
>> my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you
>> at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
>> 8 - To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
>> 9 - To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be
>> put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering
service.
>>
>> While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music
>> will play for the duration of the call.
>>
>> Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy
>> an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new
arrangement.
>>
>> May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New
Year.
>>
>> Your Humble Client
>>
>> (Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman)

[Gremlin]

She had social security from only 90?

pfffft, who uses phone? I am pushing my bank to continue rolling out more internet services...

Also, at 98 she should have learnt you leave a gap between your income on x date, and have payments going out a couple of days later

[Mrs Busa Pete]

Have taken a copy to forward to my bank manager.

[GSX-RJIM]

She had social security from only 90?

pfffft, who uses phone? I am pushing my bank to continue rolling out more internet services...

Also, at 98 she should have learnt you leave a gap between your income on x date, and have payments going out a couple of days later

she has only been getting the Social Securty for 8 years as she has been in prison for fraud is my guess.

[Macktheknife]

That letter has been floating around for years, written by so many different people of different ages it is no longer possible to identify what if anything is real.
But it still inspires me to want to take on the banks at their own game! lol