A mightily important poll

**Posh Tourer :P** · 8th August 2004, 15:36

Originally Posted by V Twin Raver

You people have got me in stitches reading some of this...........however.......in the method described above, what happens in the instance of a 'clingon'. You stand and your butt cheeks close up on it, or worse, it breaks loose upon dismount and lands on the floor???? I can see there being too much potential for disaster with this method.

Sorry for the resultant visualisations of my inquiry. :spudwhat:

Well obviously one doesnt stand up straight, more a half-stand.... Helps keep the cheeks open, and reduces the chances of a breaking loose into the gruds

**greenhorn** · 9th August 2004, 09:26

I'm a folder.
While on the topic, has anyone had the pleasure of using the good ole asian style toilet? You know the ceramic floor with a hole in the ground?
I was waiting in Kaula Lumpur airport one day, the old airport. Found myself choking a darkie and could not hold on. Wandered around looking for the bog, followed my nose and found the appropriate place to shed a few pounds.
Open the door and here is the ceramic tiled floor with a hole in the middle. The hole is surrounded by a mix of substance which raises the question of why bother with a hole in the floor in the first place. Tip toe through the mine field and stradle the hole. With much difficulty i remove my trou trying not to get them covered in crap and piss which is all over the floor. Have thoughts about waiting to board the plane but, this is just such a pressing need i cannot. Hang my pants on a hook on the wall. Drop the undies and carefully squat with them round my ankles being carefull to keep them from touching the floor. This is no mean feat for a not so flexible 6ft 5 125kg guy. Balancing is difficult. It takes real skill to lean at just the right angle, arms outstreched to imporve balance, look straight ahead and.... grunt.
More grunting. Its a snake. No, more of an anaconda if you know what i mean, one of those ones which if done in a normal toilet hits the water in the bowl before it breaks off.
Any way I can feel it has finally broken all ties with my self and I'm curious as to why there is no splash? How deep is this hole in the ground? Cautiously, still balanced, i look down and see i have safely laid the hugest grogan delicately and precisely cradled in my underpants.

**Posh Tourer :P** · 9th August 2004, 09:49

:

**V Twin Raver** · 9th August 2004, 10:18

Originally Posted by greenhorn

Cautiously, still balanced, i look down and see i have safely laid the hugest grogan delicately and precisely cradled in my underpants.

Which brings me to my next point - the 'Bent Chassis Phenomena'. My mate alluded me to this phenomena one new years day whilst we were discussing the 'next morning poo' aka 'the lager poo' aka 'the hangover poo' aka the 'rum & coke poo'. Those are different stories which I am sure somebody else can elaborate on - wkid?

Anyway - 'Bent Chassis Phenomena'. My mate reckons he has a bent chassis but I told him that I don't think he is alone. He says, no matter how he prpepares himself to conduct the bizzo, he always ends up marking the side of the bowl. He has gone to great lengths (excuse the pun) to centre himslf on the seat yet STILL ends up with a bowl side swipe. This is a great conversation when you are heavily hung over after a New years bash. Needless to say I think a few people suffer from this 'Bent Chassis'.

**Posh Tourer :P** · 9th August 2004, 10:22

Originally Posted by V Twin Raver

Anyway - 'Bent Chassis Phenomena'. My mate reckons he has a bent chassis but I told him that I don't think he is alone. He says, no matter how he prpepares himself to conduct the bizzo, he always ends up marking the side of the bowl. He has gone to great lengths (excuse the pun) to centre himslf on the seat yet STILL ends up with a bowl side swipe. This is a great conversation when you are heavily hung over after a New years bash. Needless to say I think a few people suffer from this 'Bent Chassis'.

Could that be a result of unbalanced bum-fluff causing more drag on one side?

**scumdog** · 9th August 2004, 11:02

Originally Posted by V Twin Raver

Which brings me to my next point - the 'Bent Chassis Phenomena'. My mate alluded me to this phenomena one new years day whilst we were discussing the 'next morning poo' aka 'the lager poo' aka 'the hangover poo' aka the 'rum & coke poo'. Those are different stories which I am sure somebody else can elaborate on - wkid?

Anyway - 'Bent Chassis Phenomena'. My mate reckons he has a bent chassis but I told him that I don't think he is alone. He says, no matter how he prpepares himself to conduct the bizzo, he always ends up marking the side of the bowl. He has gone to great lengths (excuse the pun) to centre himslf on the seat yet STILL ends up with a bowl side swipe. This is a great conversation when you are heavily hung over after a New years bash. Needless to say I think a few people suffer from this 'Bent Chassis'.

Thank God somebody knows what causes it, I thought it had something to do with wheel alignment or the earths rotation or.......

**V Twin Raver** · 9th August 2004, 11:50

Originally Posted by Posh Tourer :P

Could that be a result of unbalanced bum-fluff causing more drag on one side?

Unbalanced bum-fluff eh?

OK then. What causes that?

Anybody??

Is'nt there a shamPOOO that can sort that? Balance 2in1?

**V Twin Raver** · 9th August 2004, 12:04

Originally Posted by greenhorn

Balancing is difficult. It takes real skill to lean at just the right angle, arms outstreched to imporve balance, look straight ahead and.... grunt.

This title has more credibility than 1st sort.

1.Balance for Greenhorns requirements

plus

2.Satisfies Posh Tourers problem with unbalanced bum-fluff.

**bungbung** · 9th August 2004, 12:23

Originally Posted by Posh Tourer :P

What the hell are you using bush-lawyer leaves for?? Thats just plain sadistic!!! Can't you southerners grow rangiora?

I'm with PT, why you not use Rangiora, aka 'Bushmans Friend'?

I'm alarmed at the number of backyard sanitation experts taking unnecessary risks with their plumbing by using bush lawyer.

As seen from the following, which looks more dangerous?

**greenhorn** · 9th August 2004, 12:43

Originally Posted by V Twin Raver

Unbalanced bum-fluff eh?

OK then. What causes that?

Anybody??

Is'nt there a shamPOOO that can sort that? Balance 2in1?

Wasnt that Balance 2in! the same stuff advertised by our very own Rachel Hunter?? If you drink it, it doubles as a laxative... "It wont happen overnight, but it will happen...."

**scumdog** · 9th August 2004, 13:09

Originally Posted by bungbung

I'm with PT, why you not use Rangiora, aka 'Bushmans Friend'?

I'm alarmed at the number of backyard sanitation experts taking unnecessary risks with their plumbing by using bush lawyer.

As seen from the following, which looks more dangerous?

You do have a point but at least I know what bush-lawyer looks like and its risks, that other stuff looks too much like a whole lot of other plants and I ain't putting just anything near my delicate/tender area, i.e. as somebody mentioned earlier, you might end up stuck with a doped out arsehole if you accidently use datura leaves*, also you can use the spikey back of the leaves to comb your bum-fluff thereby eliminating uneven drag as some have been experiencing.
A note for al-fresco dumpers, make sure you firmly grip your 'grunt-stick' and that it is up to the task, any laxness here could see you in the shit, possibly pinned under your grunt-stick if it is large enough..

*and that's company you DON'T want.

**scumdog** · 9th August 2004, 13:15

Originally Posted by greenhorn

I'm a folder.
Any way I can feel it has finally broken all ties with my self and I'm curious as to why there is no splash? How deep is this hole in the ground? Cautiously, still balanced, i look down and see i have safely laid the hugest grogan delicately and precisely cradled in my underpants.

Ripper yarn g.h., pissed myself

Mate of mine did the same into the back of his overalls in the darkness out at the duck-shooting area, took to mid-morning to find out where the smell came from!!!
Poor dogs were getting dirty looks up 'til then

**scumdog** · 24th December 2004, 08:45

Originally Posted by bungbung

I'm with PT, why you not use Rangiora, aka 'Bushmans Friend'?

I'm alarmed at the number of backyard sanitation experts taking unnecessary risks with their plumbing by using bush lawyer.

As seen from the following, which looks more dangerous?

With this shitty weather ANY leaf has to be better than soggy bog paper, don't want to risk 'ginger-finger' caused by a break through in aforementioned soggy bog paper, do we?