Joke of the... weak (clean)

[Gixxer 4 ever]

One blond said to the other blond
Is the moon closer to us than England?
The second blond said well Durrrrr can you see England from here?

[Gixxer 4 ever]

Stolen from my Email

Subject: Does It Pay to Lie


At a local university, there were four sophomores
taking Chemistry and all of them had an A so far.
These four friends were so confident that the weekend
before finals, they decided to visit some friends and
have a big party. They had a great time, but after all
the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and
didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that
after the final, they would explain to their professor why they
missed it. They said that they visited friends but on
the way back, had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final.



The professor agreed they could make up the final
the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They
studied that night for the exam.

He placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test
booklet. They quickly answered the first problem,
worth five points. Cool, they thought! Each one in
separate rooms, thought this is going to be easy. Then
turned the page. On the second page was written:


For 95 points: Which tire?

[SPORK]

No, Gixxer 4 Life, you are in the wrong thread, this is the Bad jokes thread, that one was quite witty.

Two thumbs up the nose for you

[Gixxer 4 ever]

No, Gixxer 4 Life, you are in the wrong thread, this is the Bad jokes thread, that one was quite witty.

Two thumbs up the nose for you

Hi madcat :spudwave: welcome to the mad house. So post one then :spudwhat:

[moko]

Batman and Robin sitting in the pub enjoying a quick beer.Superman walks in,2 black eyes,front teeth missing and a busted nose."Holy duffed-up superheroes Superman" said Batman,"Who did that?Lex Luther and his goons?"
"No"says Superman,"I was flying here when I saw Cat woman in a field spreadeagled,naked except for her mask and writhing and moaning,thought I`d give her a treat,dropped my tights and zoomed in"
"So she was upset then?"
"She was o.k. but the invisible Man was definately pissed off"

[Jamezo]

^ LOL! (sorry)

my favourite nun joke, rather long.

There were four nuns, who had been together in the same convent all of their adult years, all having become nuns immediately after leaving high school. Now in their mid forties, these nuns began to discuss how much of real life they had missed, and how limited had been their experiences in the "real" world. Finally they conceived a plan, to correct this lack of experience, before their looks were entirely gone. They pooled such savings as they had, borrowed money from relatives, and all four went on a long weekend junket flight to that ever popular, world capital of sin, Las Vegas.

As soon as they hit Vegas, the four nuns ditched their habits, and did the rounds of all the beauty shops, the boutiques, and the shopping malls. All dolled up, made up, and ready to go, they spent the entire weekend "out on the town" in Vegas, having a marvelous time, and catching the red-eye back home Sunday night.

Monday morning they went to their parish priest, and asked him if he could hear their confessions that morning, to which the priest replied, "Certainly sisters, just line up here outside the confessional, and I'll hear your confessions one at a time."

The first nun entered the confessional, beginning her confession as usual, and then told the priest about her trip to Vegas...

- "Father, I have gambled, I have drunk spirits, I have smoked, and I had a wonderful time. I also touched a man's penis with my left hand."

The priest nearly had heart failure, but slowly he composed himself, and said to the nun...

- "Sister, if you are truly repentant, say three Hail Mary's, perform one act of charity, and dip your left hand in the Holy Water, and you shall be forgiven."

With that, the first nun left, and second nun entered...

- "Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. I have partaken of alcohol, I have worn make-up, I have used tobacco, and in general I had a terrific time. Also, I touched a man's penis with my right hand."

The priest was nearly catatonic with this news, but as he recovered, he told the nun...

- "Sister, if you are truly repentant, say three Hail Mary's, perform two acts of charity, and dip your right hand in the Holy Water, and you shall be forgiven."

The second nun left, and all of a sudden, all hell broke loose outside the confessional. The priest opened the door to see the last two nuns fighting, wrestling on the floor, and destroying their clothes and the church in the process. The priest shouted at them to stop, saying...

- "In Heavens name, stop this, you are sisters! There is no need to fight like this, over anything. I will hear your confessions equally, please stop this!"

One nun was sitting astride the other, throttling the nun on the bottom with one hand, and hitting her with the other. She stopped in mid swing and said...

- "Listen Father,... If you think I'm gonna gargle with that Holy Water, AFTER she's sat in it, you've got another damn think coming!"