What am I? Fly paper for freaks!
As a few know, I work in the rental car industry and as hard as I try every once in a while I get called to the front to deal with certain customers. Why I get the retards, sorry... Learning impaireds sorts most of the time is beyond me. Must be some sort of in house joke Im yet to catch onto or the fact that I feel very little remorse ruining peoples holiday when they piss myself off or abuse my staff. The whole, "The customer is always right" and, "I pay your wages!" doesnt bode well with me. This past week and this coming week look to be a couple of doozys. Memorable in my book. Have a laugh at the below par IQ customers which seem to flock to me (Im sure they head everywhere else, but its starts with me).
Unbeknownst to most it seems, New Zealands busiest time for Tourists is between 20th to 25th Jan to 15 to 20th March. Not many people realise this because they think once the school holidays are over it means the whole world stops just for them to go on holiday. Our Rental car company owns over 1500 cars NZ wide. This time of the year we have 99.3% utilisation of all our vehicles of all classes. Great fun when it comes to people wanting cars just for a day.
My favourite this year was a middle aged British couple who walked in off the street wanting a 4wd to go skiing in. After a quick character check and a whiff of the air around them let me know they hadn't smoked anything mind altering (which only left ingesting or injection) I let them know that at this time of the year there are no ski feilds open and that we have no 4wds for hire.
This didnt seem to deter them as (and I quote), "There was snow last time we were here in July". So after a quick reality check that I wasnt in a dream from hell, I told them that unfortunatly snow doesnt last all year round as there is this season called Summer that we are currently in the middle of that prevents snow from forming. Didnt stop them lecturing me on that I must be stupid because it was winter from where they are from and so it must obviously be the same here as we are part of the British commonwealth.
By this stage I was tired of them and came very close to telling them things about their parentage but instead asked them to go to the library (I even gave them a map) and told them to read about the differences in the Northern and Southern Hemispheres.
So that was Tuesday and after that the rest of the day went well which could of been karma rewarding me for not killing them or it could have been the fact I brought out my motivation pole which is a length of tubular steel I use the bash things and vent stress.
Wednesday started out fairly simply with no one bothering me, all the customers acting nice and someone buying me cake. Then I get a phone call that was transferred from our queenstown branch. It seems Mr Chandrasegarampillai (Yes thats the name) has somehow managed to mount a Toyota Corsa onto a rock 60km out of Wanaka. Not only did he just crash a car we needed in 3 days, he managed to get it mounted on a 2m high boulder. How the fuck he got there no one knows, he doesnt seem to know either.
Thats ok, we will manage to collect it and bring it back and hopefully asses the damage and find out if it can be repaired, until then I have to arrange bookings to cover for this dumbarses actions as we will never tell anyone who has booked that we cannot offer them a car. Strange think I as Im on the phone to him, Queenstown could have done all this........ and then he says the dreaded words..., "When can I get my replacement car?"
Seems Queenstown past him onto me because he didnt like the verdict that not only he wasnt getting another car, he is getting charged the vehicle excess too. The conversation went backwards and forwards with him telling me he wasnt and me telling him he doesnt have a choice for a couple of minutes and them him saying that he just wont turn up to pay to which I replied that doesnt matter, we have his credit card, we will charge it. He told me he would cancel the card, which would have been fine had I not charged him a few seconds earlier and when I told him this, he went spak! It was all I could do (which wasnt much) to stop me bursting out laughing while he obviously yelled at me in hindu or something similar and when he heard me laughing he just lost it and hung up..... I thought this was the end.
The rest of the week went pretty smoothly except having to deal with some difficult sorts wanting refunds for early returns and people who were general arseholes.
I had the weekend off (or so it was rostered) but I was called in on Sunday (yesterday to help) because of someone not turning up to work. Something the motivation stick does wonders (with minor concussion) in ensuring it wont happen again.
Sunday started off neatly, it was beautiful, quiet and hence really peaceful (we had 3 cars going out as we have nothing to hire, remember 99.3% utilisation.) My morning coffee break (0900 to 1159, it was my day off remember) was interrupted by the sliding door of the office flying open and making one hell of a bang when it hit the door stops and what can only be described as a rabid indian bursting in cursing and yelling with a wife in tow who look like she was trying to calm him down (or egging him on, I dont know) So being the polite (and slightly annoyed) individual I am, I got up and tried to see what was happening as I was warned that certain rental companies were turning away pre-booked clients as they overbooked themselves, so I could understand if that was the case, but no, not today. The sun may be shining, but not on me, this just happened to be the one and only Chandrasegarampillai. You would think the bastards would have calmed down by now.
And so it starts. He wanted to speak to the person in charge, which was me. He introduced himself (followed by a sigh by me, my coffee was going to get cold) and he wanted to make a complaint about a Mr Stuart. "Okay, that would be me" says I in a rather nuetral voice as not to egg him on too much. He didnt really know what to say to that, but he did go some rather cool shades or red an purple while trying to keep his nerve.
After the colour show (which lasted a minute or so) he said in a very calm and steady voice that he would rather not speak to me but would rather speak to someone else in charge. I told him he cannot as at this point in time I am in charge until Wednesday (my coffee was cold at this point and Im losing precious solitaire time and I was telling the truth too) and if he has any complaint he may chat to me about it and we shall see what arrangement we can come to. At that point his wife said something and he excused himself outside and then walked away. Hopefully this is the end.
But wait, theres MORE!!!
I had just managed to answer 3 phone calls and was getting rather frustrated as minesweeper had got the best of me 3 times in a row. When in drives our panel shop courtesy car which was meant to be with one of the staff and not with a pompouse British twat as I learnt.
Apparently he had driven his car into a ditch somewhere between rolleston and Akaroa and was given this car to tide him over till Sunday when he had to catch a bus to picton because we didnt want to give him another car. Our standard practise is to get the person to fill out an accident form and if they dont have the excess waiver we charge them. So here he was in front of me filling out the forms all the time telling me how dangerous the NZ roads and how our cars are dangerous because we dont provide GPS units in them ect ect ect. I wasnt in the mood so I was just nodding my head and agreeing with him when he fucken lost it. And I mean lost it. One large FUCK, a pen thrown out the door and a , "What the fuck do you mean by this?" snapt me out of my trance damn smart and put me on the back foot even smarter.
On our accident forms there is a place where you declare who was at fault for the accident. Pretty simple answer if you ask me. Anyway, as he had driven off the main road and into a ditch with no one around it was, as common sense would place it, his fault, and I had written it there. Well apparently this seemed to anger him as the accident wasn't his fault according to him and according to me I couldnt understand how he came to this conclusion and asked him whos fault he thought it was.
The list goes on, but the main culprits seem to be Us, the NZ Govt, Our Road contracters and the city council. Which didnt stop me calling him a fucken idiot (Im allowed to for some customers ,in reason of course) because driving off the side of a fucken road is no ones fault but your own, the car, the road and the govt have absolutly nothing to do with him driving off the road (it was past lunchtime and I wasnt in the mood) and he was a fucken moron if he dared argued it. Maybe it was the adrenaline, or the fact I was younger than him that caused the outburst, but he calmed down afterwards and apologised and left. Cant fault someone for knowing when they are wrong.
Well thats all at the moment. I do have many more though which I might add up if you enjoyed these.
The Luggage racks and the Previa.
Mr American and the fence post
Mr Israelie and the house paint to cover damages incident.
The, "Spanish police are coming to arrest you" incident
The fat people and small car incident and more.
You couldnt pay for entertainment like this
EDIT: More stories situated through thread
To every man upon this earth
Death cometh sooner or late
And how can a man die better
Than facing fearful odds
For the ashes of his fathers
And the temples of his Gods
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Sniper
... 
Bookmarks