Dear Colapop,
I hear you have been languishing in a state akin to limbo regarding your lack of vehicular bi-wheel locomotion. The commodity you are lacking is that quintessential "hoon" factor (as defined by such notables like Ixion).
I propose several paths which can lead to a bifurcation of your stress levels and a state of meditative calm.
1) Become a Soldier of Fortune. Periods of boredom will be made up with periods of life-threatening madness, possibly terminal or resulting in PTSD.
2) Take up quilts/crochet/macrame/knitting. Please ensure you have equipment large enough to take your hamfisted mishandlings and enough material to keep you occupied safely in a corner somewhere.
3) Read War in Peace. Then The Brothers Karamazov (once you have done this, re-read it in Russian). Take a large ream of paper, start hitting the keys of your keyboard randomly until you somehow have bashed out a novel worthy to be hacked into a movie. Do this many times until even Stephen King is sick of you.
4) Push a Jaffa down the road up to Auckland. Do this first with your nose, then turn around - in a real test of your patience and skill, do it back with your tongue and see if the Jaffa lasts to Wellington.
5) Become an avant-garde artist using toilet paper as your main medium of expression.
6) Dress in a superhero costume, rush out at night and right the wrongs, rescue old ladies and cats from trees (just the cats, old ladies shouldn't be up trees).
7) Learn to ignore gijoe1313.
8) Find out where all the missing socks are, the misplaced pens, the equivalent of the national debt in loose change down the back of settees and sofas, and most important of all ... where all that missing fat goes when people try to lose it.
9) Start painting little models, make terrain and start rolling dice and cackling maniacally at your opponents across the gaming table (real or imagined).
10) Seed a new R&D company that specialises in taking away the paper cut element out of paper product usage.
As you can see, fine Sir - there is a plethora and multitudinous platter of life-saving and changing options before you. I suggest you take one step to the left, then a step to the right - waggle your tongue around, roll your eyeballs and at random, stab a digit towards the screen in the general vicinity of the aforementioned options.
It will most certainly change your life dear Sir. No need to thank me - I do this without financial considerations since I am far from penury, suffice to say I value your friendship and sanity. Please do not hesitate to contact me at the nearest instance should you need further elaboration on these options.
Your dearest and most cordial friend,
gijoe1313
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Originally Posted by gijoe1313
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