Secrets of a happy marriage

[Firefight]

Some dam good advice/secrets so far, very important also is the "Time Out"thing :love2:
even after 21 years together, we still get excited planning a break away from home,.....no phones, pagers, kids, dogs, computers ...what ever..

This weekend were doing the whole seaside cottage, candle lit dinner on the water edge, late night walk on the beach in bare feet(maybe not , too much broken glass), but you know the sorta thing..

F/F

[Motoracer]

Some dam good advice/secrets so far, very important also is the "Time Out"thing :love2:
even after 21 years together, we still get excited planning a break away from home,.....no phones, pagers, kids, dogs, computers ...what ever..

This weekend were doing the whole seaside cottage, candle lit dinner on the water edge, late night walk on the beach in bare feet(maybe not , too much broken glass), but you know the sorta thing..

F/F

FF you big romantic :love2:

Wouldn't it be a bit nippy for you and the Mrs to be wondering off next to the ocean at night at this time of the year?? Or maybe that is just the extra encouragement for some body heat exchanging...

Now why do I always end up talking about what goes on between you and Mrs FF?

[Cajun]

cause your a sick sick boy MR.

secret to marriage, mmmm well i been with me woman for 8 years now.
We abuse each other and give each other shit all the time, i mean i been calling her a bitch since the first day i meet her, all in good fun.
Have passions/interestes together, have interestes apart.

but like always give in inch they try and take a mile, its knowning to when let them take the mile or not. I am a bit of a push over with my wife, but she knows when i say no, i mean it, not to push it any more.

just my two cents

[Coldkiwi]

listening and talking in equal ratios is very important. Its all very well to listen, but if one or both people don't express their true feelings, you'll still get miscommunications

I think the biggest secret to a successful marriage is to know how to show you love the other person. There's a FANTASTIC book called the Five Love Languages that talks about the five general ways people perceive that they are loved (and in turn, how they show love to other people). So many people feel unloved in their relationships because the people they want to love them are expressing their love in a way the person doesn't perceive as love.
For instance, a person might perceive receving gifts as being loved. If their partner perceives love differently as receiving/giving kind words and offers kind words to the person but no form of gift (can anything from flowers, to jewellery to homemade cards), then that person is unlikely to perceive how much they are loved. Mine happens to be physical touch... ie. all sorts of stuff can go wrong, but so long as my wife gives me lots of hugs and physical affection, i can deal with it. Kind words help a bit but mean a lot less to me than one hug.

Its a damn interesting and useful book. I recommend it for anyone thinking about getting married or engaged (or even just improving an important relationship). Its written by a guy called Dr Gary Chapman. Forget Men are from Mars etc.. just learn how to love the important people in your life!

[moko]

Best Wife I ever had was someone elses

[jrandom]

Best Wife I ever had was someone elses

Then she wouldn't have been if she was yours. If you get my drift. Doesn't count...

[jrandom]

There's a FANTASTIC book called the Five Love Languages

I'll check it out sometime.

By the way, my carefully-thought-out life strategy involves getting rich after writing a book about either relationships or dieting. Not sure which, yet.

I'll be sure to make copies available in advance to any KBers in need of quick, reliable fixes for their love life or waistline. As the case may be.

[jrandom]

Regarding the original question, I have less than five years of marriage to draw on, so I can't make any comments at the same level of profundity as the older and crustier forum members.

If I *had* to give sage advice to a bachelor(ette), though, I'd just say... avoid the dumb ones and the selfish ones, be prepared to put in plenty of effort, and you'll probably be OK.

[dhunt]

Can anyone explain this phenomenon? Why women only want something when they see you enjoying it?

see food diet

David

[MikeL]

Regarding the original question, I have less than five years of marriage to draw on, so I can't make any comments at the same level of profundity as the older and crustier forum members.

Profundity? You mistake experience for wisdom, young man. You'll learn...

[bluninja]

Forget Men are from Mars etc.. just learn how to love the important people in your life!

Tsk tsk.....the Mars Venus books are pretty good resources. There's 14 other books after the original covering specific areas....one good model is the Love tanks...it describes the type of love you need as you move through lifes stages. You need to keep them all topped up...so sometimes if you feel the fires burning down, you need to look and see if you are neglecting your other love tanks. Sometimes I need to be with friends and top up that love tank in order to be more loving to my wife; or she needs to be with her parents and other immediate family (one of the reasons I'm now back here).

Most of the good resources are just putting a recognisable structure around what we already know, so that we can recognise it more easily. If you read Steven Covey you'll see he talks about an 'emotional bank balance' you keep making deposits so that in tough times there's something to tide you over rather than the relationship going bust.

Well in 2 weeks I'm going to my uncle and aunties golden wedding celebration. Maybe I'll ask them for some of their tips, they must still be doing something right

[Ms Piggy]

Ok well being ever so slightly cynical about the whole thing due to a bad marriage I personally believe that no relationship will work if both parties aren't "on the same page" so to speak - I reckon it can be applied as a basic life principal really.

When it comes to marriage though I believe it would be even more applicable. My theory is one of "mutuality", mutual respect and commitment to want to make the relationship work and want what is best for the other but without being a doormat. I think any good relationship takes effort and work from both people.

[KATWYN]

Well I can never understand it when people say marriage
is hard work. What the heck is so darn hard about it?

Being single is hard work I reakon. I was single for 5 years
There was absolutely no man in sight etc and THAT was a slog

[Gixxer 4 ever]

Should I comment after my controbution in "A disgusting toddler thread" :spudwhat:

[Mongoose]

Well I can never understand it when people say marriage
is hard work. What the heck is so darn hard about it?

Being single is hard work I reakon. I was single for 5 years
There was absolutely no man in sight etc and THAT was a slog

Totally agree with that, if its hard work where is the mutual respect? Hell it should be something a little easier than hard work but then again, maybe thats why I am single after 20 yrs of marriage? :confused2