Of late I've been through the ringer a bit and to cope with it rather than talking to anyone I've been doing a bit of writing. We get so much of who we are from our parents and the way we were brought up. Our fathers are typically our role models (guys more than girls)... mine spent most of his time at work or the pub. I've done a bit of reading on the matter and come up with this...
Children are born unto this world as innocents, without malice, contempt nor wicked thought. Commonly quoted of biblical origin, the preceding statement of childhood innocence places the burden of children’s development squarely at the feet of adults. A mother has been throughout time a revered figure, able to nurture, cultivate, and mature children. The main role of the father however, had been to provide food, clothing, and shelter. While males are genetically suited to hunting and gathering, female genetics allow nurturing, both within the womb and in the early stages of childhood. A father’s role was that of the Alpha Male or pack leader within the family and as such assumed the role of ensuring order within his family group. This created an environment where children were able to grow and learn, ensuring a better survival rate and subsequently survival of the human race. Advancements in science and technology have meant that males are no longer required to provide for their offspring the way they were historically. As a result the traditional family unit has become fractured with many fathers living separately from their children. Consequently this affects children’s development and their ability to function in modern society. What effect does absence of the father in the home affect children’s development?
The makeup of what had been considered to be a typical family has changed dramatically over the last several decades. No longer can the classic nuclear family, consisting of two heterosexual adults with two biologically related children, be considered normal. Cohabitation has replaced marriage as the preferred option for young adults leading to large increases in non-marital births and very high levels of separation. Cohabiting unions are less stable than marital unions, and many dissolve before any children produced reach adulthood.
“38% of children born in any year in New Zealand will be living in a single parent family by age 16” Issues regarding families without fathers. Not only have these changes had an effect upon adults they have greatly affected the development of children formed from these relationships.
These changes are the cause of concern not only to those involved in the development of children but also those involved in the social cost attributed to the negative outcomes of children from single parent families. Statistically 97% of children in single parent families reside with their mother and by age 16 will have had little or no involvement with their biological father, as a result these children are at higher risk of psychological, emotional and social problems later in life. They will reach lower levels of academic achievement, have significantly reduced social skills and are at higher risk of criminal offending. The role of fathers within the home now encompasses a wider range of attributes and father’s now have a greater role in the development of children than ever before.
Stereotypical gender roles are no longer as easily defined, as once was the case. In a single parent matriarchal family this is highlighted to an even greater extent with the absence of a primary male role model. Children’s development instinctually still relies on traits exhibited by parents, both female and male, at a subliminal level. When the father or primary male role model is absent a child will seek definition from another source. Images portrayed by the media are the most readily available indicators to a majority of children. Children’s behaviour is greatly affected by the images displayed and consequent imitation of role models presented. The imitation of negative gender associations affects a child’s view of not only themselves but also the people around them. When the father is present, children refer in the first instance to the gender role model provided by and the portrayed role model as a secondary source of information. The adverse effects of negative gender stereotyping include low self-esteem, sexism and poor social interaction. These can in turn lead to psychological problems, substance abuse and delinquency.
“Delinquency is the legal definition of antisocial behaviour. It overlaps greatly with violent and aggressive behaviour and is often a precursor to increased criminal tendencies at an older age.”
Given the association between delinquency and aggressive behaviour, it is important that adults guide children in a positive manner. The presence of a father in the family home has the effect of curbing antisocial behaviours in a large percentage of potentially delinquent children. Male children especially benefit from having their father’s influence. The number of years spent with a biological father decreases the chances that a child will continue to be involved in delinquent behaviour eventuating in contact with the police as a result of criminality. Aggressive behaviours are another by-product of delinquent behaviour. If the boundaries of social interaction are not corrected, violence and force become used as the main form of conflict resolution. This is particularly evident when children with aggressive tendencies is involved in organised sport and is unable to control themselves, resulting in exclusion and alienation.
A father’s desire to play “Rough and Tumble” with his children is not only a form of “acting out”, but also an instinctual bonding mechanism that forms a lasting connection with the child or children. Forming a relationship during an act of play increases children’s awareness of their father as a positive influence whereby the child associates feelings of joy and happiness with their father. As a balance this form of play has the effect of also increasing the child’s awareness that their father is physically more powerful and therefore has greater capabilities than they do. In an abusive relationship this can lead to the child becoming fearful and withdrawn, however demonstrated in controlled manner physical capability demonstrates leadership and restraint. A graphic demonstration of the reverence children regard their father’s ability with is shown in the following passage.+
“ My dad,
- Defends off terrible temper tantrums,
- Braves the scariest bedrooms,
- Is not deafened by piercing screams,
- Leaps over tall bikes left in the driveway,
- Is always there for me.
Samantha, 10, Pakuranga” Malcolm, J (2003) Kiwi Dads,
The positive inference of this child’s statement about their father is that he is capable of many great deeds but chooses to put the welfare of his child ahead of his desire to achieve these feats. This engenders the child with an importance of being and promotes confidence and self-assurance. Father absence generates feelings of abandonment and stress in a large percentage of children, including those who had never known their father.
“I never knew my father, he left before I was born. But I always missed him and I s’pose I was always trying to please him and live up to a standard that I imagined he’d expect.”
These feelings can manifest themselves into, anxiety, stress disorders and antisocial behaviours. In turn these children have a greater likelihood of becoming involved with criminality, drug dependency or abusive relationships in their adult lives.
As with many other outcomes the lack of a father within the home affects children’s abilities to form long-term stable relationships in adult life. Children from a fatherless home do not have a relationship model with which to base relationship comparisons upon therefore are more likely to have relationship problems in their adult life. Whether it is conflict resolution or decision making the father/mother relationship exhibits traits such as negotiation and compromise. These traits are a valuable tool that children imitate and utilise to develop social skills within their peer group and within the wider community.
While father absenteeism does not preclude a child’s involvement in delinquency, crime or substance abuse the incidence is greater for children from single parent, matriarchal home than for those from dual parent households. It is wrong to assume that all children from single parent households are doomed to fail or under-achieve, though it appears that the odds are stacked against them. When fathers are actively involved in their children’s development it has been shown that the social cost involved with aberrant antisocial behaviour is greatly reduced. A father’s role in children’s development is as important as a mother’s and greatly affects children’s ability to function and communicate in society today. The effect of a father’s absence from the home has a far-reaching negative social impact and father absenteeism must be addressed as part of an overall response to crime, substance abuse and violence in society today.
(yes I actually wrote that!)
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Originally Posted by 98tls
still chuckling...........nice reply.
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